Broken Pieces
by CrazyMorbidity
Summary: In an attempt to fix the broken pieces of his life, she realizes that her own life is being mended... but not in a direction she was anticipating. Garrus/FemShepard rated M for language and lime R
1. Jilted

**Premise: **Feeling at a loss after Horizon, Janelle Shepard is uncertain how to put the broken pieces of her life back together. But with the life of a close friend also in pieces, she does what she does best and helps... perhaps in more ways than one. And perhaps mending her life as well...

**Pairing:** Mentioned Kaidan/FemShepard. Garrus/FemShepard

**Song Suggestions: **Pretty much the _Mass Effect_ soundtracks and the albums _Saturate_, _We Are Not Alone_, _Phobia_, and _Dear Agony_ from Breaking Benjamin as well as Lacuna Coil's latest album, _Shallow Life_.

**Disclaimer:** _The Mass Effect _franchise, its characters, and settings all belong to _BioWare_.

**Edit:** Fiddled with things here and there and removed a number of ellipsis since I get complaints about them. -_- I'm not going to go on about them, but let's just say, I'll cut as many out as I can, but not all. Part of how I think and it's staying.

* * *

**Broken Pieces**

**Chapter One**

Loss was not something she enjoyed nor was indifferent to, but it was something she was accustomed to.

She had no real childhood home or friends, except for family and a few of their colleagues. And so many of her friends during her time of Alliance service… how many of them were dead now? Or that she would see them depart on an assignment different from hers? And of course, Azuke. Fifty marines. Her entire unit. Gone.

Then choosing to let Ashley die on Virmire. She still wasn't comfortable about that choice.

She's wasn't comfortable with any of this, but it didn't weigh her down. Simply made her swear to herself to do everything in her power to make sure everyone got out of a mission alive, never cut the corners, and treasure whatever time she could have with the people around her.

Janelle Shepard thought that she had a decent handle with loss these days.

Not anymore. Not after Horizon…

With a frustrated grunt, she swiftly lashed a hand out and shoved Kaidan's picture down on the desk in her quarters. As much as the realization that two years had passed and the last man she had made love to might very well have moved on – preferring it over him suffering greatly from her 'death' – seeing just _how_ he had moved on triggered a deep anger that was usually reserved for only great wrongs. She had to restrain herself from backhanding Kaidan. After all, he might be a biotic, had his own life affected by Cerberus… but hadn't she as well? Who was he to spit on what she suffered through on Akuze? Had she ever spit on his own scars of the past?

And then the way he spoke about their love, that 'night' they spent together…

Feeling a greater flare of rage, she slammed a fist against the desk and shoved herself from her chair, giving a furious growl. He spoke to her as if that 'night' before Ilos had meant nothing to her. As if she had deceived him in some way. As if she really didn't care about him… or anyone else.

Had he at all paid attention to her decisions throughout that last mission?

And why didn't he take a moment to examine _himself_ and how he had betrayed her in his words?

She took a moment to grab a datapad and throw it across the room, attempting to get that anger out…

And only receiving more frustration.

"Excuse me, Shepard, but the release of pent up anger by destruction of various items is damaging on several levels and must be discouraged. Particularly because it is not advised to fire weapons within these quarters."

"I threw a datapad, EDI," Janelle groaned, falling back into her chair and slapping a hand to her forehead, eyes closed, head thrown back. "I did not draw my pistol."

"It is a possible outcome and thus I must discourage the action before it happens. I am housed in this vessel after all. Perhaps you should seek out some counseling from Miss Chambers…"

"Enough with the suggestions, EDI. I'll figure something out," the infiltrator said with another groan, reluctantly admitting to herself that remaining in her quarters might not be the smartest decision. But the thought of speaking with Kelly… Janelle had enough of psychologists to last her a lifetime after Akuze. She just needed a friend to talk to.

At least she did have three on board the rebuilt Normandy.

When she moved to the elevator, Janelle did not make up her mind who to speak to. She thought perhaps Joker, but discounted that idea as he tended to complain about EDI and make snarky comments. And right now, she just didn't trust her temper.

She could speak with Doctor Chakwas. She was nice to talk to, especially after that bottle of brandy. But Chakwas had a high opinion of Kaidan and if she had caught word of what happened on Horizon… the commander just wasn't up to hear any comforting talks right now. She just needed to speak about something, _anything_ that was distracting. Maybe even amusing…

Janelle wasn't sure if she really had made up her mind of who to go to, as she – for once – seemed to focus on who _not_ to go to. She didn't even realize who was the optimal choice until she was looking at him.

She almost laughed at herself realizing that, subconsciously, she decided to go see Garrus.

She had to admit, she had a soft spot for the turian, ever since she saw the frustrated C-Sec agent for the first time, so passionate and determined to see wrongs to be righted. Sure, she also had moments where she wanted to slap him as well for being rather… rash, but it didn't lessen her respect and fondness for Garrus in his genuine desire for the good and dedication to seeing that wrong did not prevail.

That and she had a particular delight in having him at her side in missions, given their tendency to compete in who was the better sniper.

She then realized she must have left a chuckle slip past her lips as she came to stand nearby, leaning against the railing by the main battery – where she found it amusing that the turian had taken his position up here – as a voice broke her out of her ruminations.

"Shepard? Is there something you need?"

She turned to look over to Garrus and couldn't help but smile as her gaze fell onto him. No longer did she feel commiseration over his scarring; he hardly seemed to care about it and, in her eyes, the scars hardly proved to be disfiguring. Instead she was actually starting to feel perturbed in seeing those scars as he had taken the moment once to boast that he had more extensive scarring compared to her, so he had one up on her. That time she did want to punch him.

"Just trying to find better company than a fast talking salarian, only interested with scientific terms that are over my head, or a human or krogan who's only thought is when's the next kill…" Janelle said, still smiling.

"Really? You never had a problem talking with Wrex when his trigger-finger was always itching," Garrus said, his voice carrying the smile his mouth could not, as he returned to calibrating the Normandy's guns. It really amazed the human that he was so enraptured with weaponry. "And you never complained about Tali's talk with machines…"

"Or with your explanation of C-Sec work," Janelle countered, her smile edging into a smirk, turning her back to the railing and leaning on her forearms. "It's pretty boring listening to all the rules involved when carrying out investigations…"

Now it was the turian's turn to chuckle. "Then I guess it was a good idea to quit C-Sec. Unless Wrex drained you of any desire to hear stories about mercs."

"I asked about those merc leaders back on Omega, didn't I? I suppose I'll have to agree with you there though. It's certainly more exciting to hear you talk about your time as a vigilante than as a security officer," she said, both of them giving a chuckle before she felt it die as her spirits began to subdue. "But – joking aside – I do feel bad thinking that you ended up turning to vigilantism. I thought you said you could change C-Sec for the better…"

"It was naïve thinking. Things had changed too much by the time I got back and no one cared to listen to my thoughts, despite having been involved in the mission to stop Saren," Garrus grumbled with obvious disdain, especially in mentioning the other, now deceased turian's name. He then gave a sigh before turning his eyes back to hers and adding, "Shepard, I knew you wouldn't have condoned my choice, but I also knew you wouldn't have agreed to following a corrupt system. I know you hate the human saying, but… I chose the lesser of two evils…"

"Garrus, you know why I hate that saying. It's like accepting that you can't make the galaxy a better place," Janelle murmured softly and somberly.

"At that point, I didn't really believe that the galaxy could become a better place," the turian gave another sigh. "When you died, it was like everything good in the universe died. Like all hope had been extinguished. Not all that far-fetched given… who else was going to fight the Reapers? Without you, it seemed like the galaxy was doomed for destruction anyhow."

Her breathing hitched as her eyes bore into Garrus's, feeling shock ripple through her body. She remembered how Joker said that she had been the one holding the crew together, that was why they all went their separate ways. But to really think that her 'death' had affected _any_ of them in such a way… the thought never crossed her mind.

And somehow, it made her feel worse thinking that Garrus had been one to feel so.

But before she had a chance to say anything, the vigilante's eyes were back on the console before him, his talons moving in a jerky motion to accomplish his task. The sight made swift regret flood through her veins, making her feel guilt in having done this to her friend – even if it was completely beyond her control.

However, just as she wondered if speaking to Garrus was a mistake, the silence surrounding them dissipated gently and easily.

"So you can imagine how glad I was to see you still alive," the turian said, looking back over to her with slight caution. "I don't see how I could have made the choice to refuse joining you again after that…"

To that, Janelle could only acknowledge with a subdued nod, her eyes focusing on the floor feeling the loss once more threaten to consume her. Though this time, none of the anger found its way into her heart.

"Ah… sorry, Shepard. I shouldn't have alluded to…"

"It's okay, Garrus," she sighed and gazed back his way, giving a weak smile before letting it fall in defeat. "It doesn't matter anyhow. I wasn't going to be able to change his mind and it's probably better this way…"

"Still… it doesn't seem right to me. You two were close. If anyone was going to join you, I would have thought Alenko would have…"

"Honestly, Garrus… I think a part of me always felt you, Wrex, or Tali would have taken up the offer before Kaidan would have," she murmured, again turning away and taking to idly smoothing out the flap of her outfit resting against her thigh. "It's not just because this is a Cerberus operation. I… I don't think we were exactly as close as the rest of you thought we were. There had been fights between us that we tried to hide that last month. He was jealous and felt inadequate. I mean, can you honestly remember a time that he really came on a mission with me? It was usually you, Wrex, or Tali. I know Liara didn't mind it, but Kaidan did. He thought that he should be out there, fighting with me…"

"Oh. I suppose that's pretty understandable…" the turian said softly, sounding to be at a loss.

"So I shouldn't blame him really," Janelle sighed, looking over to Garrus out of the corner of her eye. "He wasn't happy to know you were on the team, but he was surprised that you weren't there on Horizon. Mocked me about that…"

"Didn't really think he was the kind that would…"

"He was mad," she shrugged. Not necessarily because this meant nothing to her, but because she wanted to lose the burden. She wanted to stop speaking to Garrus like this, laying her problems on him, but she couldn't stop. She _did_ need to talk about this and on this ship, who else could she really talk to? She didn't trust Jacob or Miranda, not with their Cerberus affiliation. And the rest? As if Jack or Grunt could lend a 'shoulder to cry on.' And Mordin? The last thing Janelle needed was a rapid science explanation about chemicals in the brain or what not.

At least she knew that Garrus wasn't going to tell her to shut up. Not when he voiced his own misgivings.

"Still… doesn't make sense to talk to you the way he had. Not after everything you've done," her friend spoke up, his voice taking on a stronger, rather… aggressive tone, something she was actually hearing more of lately. Something that was starting to chill her. But she just shoved such thoughts aside, reminding herself that a lot had happened in two years after all. "And he should have known you better than what he claimed. Even I knew there had to be a reason you'd align yourself with Cerberus, especially after finding out what really happened at Akuze and then… Admiral Kahoku.

"I… Shepard, I hate to say this if it's not what you want to hear, but…

"For the team and – you especially – it's probably best that he isn't here…"

"Yeah, I had a feeling," Janelle gave another sigh before leaning forward and pressing her palm to her face as she shook her head. "Sorry, Garrus. I shouldn't be making you deal with my problems…"

"If you've got problems, it'd be stupid not to help you out. If possible. After all, how are we going to get anywhere without you? Might as well be back in that volcano on Therum if we're going to end up with a broken wreck for a commander."

"Ha ha. Very funny, Garrus," she grumbled back, but could not restrain the smirk that crept onto her lips as she shoved away from the railing and crossed her arms while glaring up at him. "I'll try to keep the drama to a minimum…"

"I'm sure the rest of the crew would be glad to hear that. Would be quite the load off the shoulders, most definitely," the turian returned, his tone so laced with mockery, Janelle couldn't stop herself from rapping her knuckles against his shoulder guards.

"Watch it Turian. I'm still better at headshots than you."

"You wish."

"For a turian… you question your commander quite readily. Sure you're ready to face the consequences?"

"When you put it that way… it piques my interests to find out what you have intended," the former agent said, a mischievous light in his eyes as stared down at her, a light that somehow made the infiltrator's body grow restless.

"So then it will be torment to make you wonder," she return, still wearing the smirk as she began to make her way for the door, but still holding her gaze on his. "You better fall in line soon, Garrus. This might be a civilian operative, but both you and I are trained soldiers. Once a soldier, always a soldier…"

"That's obvious from you. Enjoying the chance to order me around, it seems," Garrus said with amusement, shaking his head. "Now I see why humans can consider their females so cruel. You _are_ a cruel one at times, Shepard."

"And face it, you just wouldn't enjoy serving under me if I was anything different," she returned, pausing at the open door. "Besides… you deserve it. Hitting me with those concussion shots…"

"Anything to make the trip more amusing and interesting," he returned, making Janelle give a scoff and a glare. "But, seriously, Shepard, I am glad to be back. Wouldn't trade this for anything in the galaxy, to be honest. And, just to let you know…

"I'll be here if you need me."

"Yea. I know," she murmured, flashing him a last soft smile before finally striding away, letting her gaze linger on him a little longer and seeing his do the same before he turned away. It made her smile widen and she could feel a certain amount of joy flow through her veins as she made her way up to the CIC, fully intent on seeing if she could convince Tali to join her again. It would be great after all to have one more addition to the crew who was a familiar face.

But just as Janelle found herself inside the elevator, she felt herself freeze with realization.

She was just now realizing why those fights between her and Kaidan transpired, why he was jealous, why she suddenly didn't care anymore for leaving him back on Horizon…

All this time, since that first day in the Presidium…

The man she truly had fallen for wasn't even human.

No, it was a turian. She had been smitten by Garrus since they met…

* * *

**Endnote:** So hopefully I didn't stray too far from Garrus's personality and I hope that the notion that the two have had some flirtation going on since the first game isn't far-fetched. I always felt like the 'alien appeaser' Shepard could very well be the sort to treat the aliens of her crew like good drinking buddies. And given how my Shepard was an infiltrator and she and Garrus would have have similar talents, I can see them having competitions against each other. I dunno... those are my thoughts at least...

Well, hope you enjoyed and hopefully I'll get more added so... R&R ^_^


	2. Intoxication

**Misc:** I've nothing really to say about this chapter except... I think it was a bit of a pain. So sorry if it's not as good as the first one. :(

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Illium. It's grandiose appearance, heavy presence of the asari… it gave Nos Astra a grand, mystical presence. It was enthralling… unless one heard of the dangerous tales of the place. And every turian had heard the stories.

For Garrus, he wasn't the most eager to set foot on the planet. Not that such really mattered. He had agreed to accompany Shepard on the mission against the Collectors and their base wasn't exactly one of the top destinations he wished to travel to. But… it was the deception of safety that was getting to him here. He hated feeling that he wanted to let his guard down and could… when he knew it was a mistake.

Still he made no complaints. Mentioned what he thought of the place to Shepard, but he knew why they were here. In search of an assassin and a powerful justicar; why not come here? And then there was some matter with Miranda and her sister. The turian had nearly choked on his own spit when Shepard informed him of that concern. Who knew that the ice queen had the ability to care about anyone? And then the thought that _Miranda_ had a sister. He doubted a 'second Miranda' could be at all beneficial to the galaxy.

Well… he had found the notions rather amusing, but… when he made a joke, he was surprised to find Shepard unresponsive for several seconds. It was then that he realized she seemed a little dazed and troubled. That came as a shock as the woman had been rather delighted when Tali agreed to join them, despite the affiliation with Cerberus. He had imagined that she would have been ecstatic for a few weeks at least… as she had been when he came onto the new Normandy. After all, he knew Tali meant a lot to the commander, valuing the quarian's friendship and knowing that Tali was the best person to trust with in regards to a ship's maintenance.

Yet she seemed out of it and withdrawn. Not something he was used to.

And the thought seemed to be shared by another.

"Hey Shepard… I'm going to go check out that kiosk there. Look for decent tech upgrades," Tali suddenly spoke up, breaking the heavy and suppressing silence that lingered amongst the three of them.

"Huh? Oh, yea… okay. Well… I'm just going to go to that bar Eternity," Shepard murmured in a lost, sullen voice that made both the turian and quarian share a startled glance just as the former Alliance soldier decided to make her way to her mentioned destination.

"Um… I think that someone needs to accompany her, don't you?" Tali said, the worry evident in her voice as her hands began to fidget. "I don't like how quiet she's been these last few days. She… you don't think she's mad at me for not wanting to work with Cerberus…"

"I doubt it," he shook his head, remembering what she said when he made the mention of working with Cerberus. It was quite clear she wasn't going to think that she really was affiliated with Cerberus, even if everyone else did… or if it was true. He didn't blame her. "She hardly cares to accept their help, but… what other choice does she have? And mad? At you? She was delighted that you were joining us.

"She probably caught wind of some sort of news she doesn't like…"

"You don't think it's Alenko? I heard about Horizon…"

"I thought she was over that…" Garrus murmured looking over towards the way to the bar. "If it doesn't take too long, meet us at the bar. Otherwise we'll head back here," he said before quickly dashing off to catch up to Shepard, which actually took a little longer than he had expected. If judging by her prior demeanor, the turian would have thought that she would have taken her time, trudging along with the slow, heavy pace that she had earlier. Her walk might still have a heavy manner about it, but there was nothing slow or sullen about her stride. Instead she had picked up speed…

And threat.

That made it impossible for Garrus to come to any conclusion. Since reuniting with Shepard, he had noticed that she was more on edge than the first venture he had with her. Unless she was directly interacting with himself, Tali, or either Joker or Dr. Chakwas, she was a much harder woman than he remembered. He was used to her being a woman with a determined fire for a soul, used to how she pushed against whatever barriers where thrown before her. But he wasn't used to hearing hate in her voice, seeing anger in her eyes, or her body going rigid with the clear desire to break someone's neck. But all of that… it was present so often about her now.

All because the woman had to work with the faction that had killed off her entire unit.

Seeing her this way, it frustrated the turian that the one person that should have trusted Shepard… didn't. He couldn't believe it honestly. The whole crew knew what Shepard thought of Cerberus after her run-in with Toombs. So why did Alenko have to claim her as a traitor? Even Tali – a quarian dedicated to her people and understandable hateful towards Cerberus for threatening her people – heard Shepard out and joined up to help their old friend.

Just where was the sense of all of this when the woman had done her best not only to right what wrongs she could but was working to save the galaxy from the Reaper threat… and those that should care didn't? How was it that the Council could turn their back on Shepard and ignore the Reapers? _How_?! How could people that were to be looking out for the welfare of so many races brush aside the greatest threat to their existence?

It was just another thing from that long list in life that Garrus hated…

He was just glad that at least he wasn't one of those bastards. And neither was Tali. At least they were here to stand by Shepard's side and if he had his way, he'd be right there until the end.

He wanted to do good. He could do that with Shepard. And… at least she was a _great_ leader. Not a failed one like him. She never made a decision that caused such utter devastation to her team. Williams had been lost, but there had been no other choice – except for Shepard to choose Alenko to die instead – and at least it had only been one of the six that followed the Commander.

But for him… of his squad of twelve, only two survived. Himself… and the damn traitor, Sidonis.

Served him right though, didn't it? He was a fool to think he could live up to Shepard's example, even in part. He should have known better. He couldn't pull of anything in the way she could. Hell, he would have been dead if she had gotten there on Omega to pull his ass out of the mess he got himself in.

Still… at least he was back with Shepard. Like he told her… he wouldn't trade this for anything.

Although… he would have preferred if Shepard could be the same woman he remembered her as.

Seeing her sitting at the bar, swiftly downing a double of some intensely strong liquor before just as quickly ordering another one… that wasn't the same human soldier he came to admire when he was a few years younger.

"I take it being on a suicide mission means you don't mind killing your body as you prepare, huh?" he questioned as he sat on the stool next to her, not succeeding in making a light joke of the situation as she downed the second shot.

"With the way this damn galaxy is turning out to be… I should be entitled to drown myself in alcohol all I want," she grumbled, scornfully staring at the now empty shot glass in her hand, as if her hard stare would make the glass refill itself. "I get killed, have to be brought back to life by the fucking black ops group that killed my friends, the Alliance and the Council turns their backs on me, so that leaves me to work with said ops to save everyone's sorry asses…

"And for what? Why the hell am I even doing this?"

He didn't have anything to say. He didn't know what to say. He knew why Shepard was doing this. She knew why as well. It was obvious; the commander was hardly brainless, particular as she had gotten them out of messes in ways he would have thought were impossible. She knew that unless the Reapers and Collectors were defeated, life as they knew it would be over.

So all he could think was she was asking what was her personal stake? Humans often had one. What was hers?

Well, he wasn't going to be the one to bring up Alenko if that was really what this was about.

So he didn't know what to say.

Didn't matter, not as Shepard suddenly slammed the base of her glass onto the counter before she leaned forward, resting her face against her palm with a groan. "Dammit. Why can't things just be like they were before? It wasn't nearly this complicated when we went after Saren. I can't believe that Sovereign was on their doorstep and the Council still deny the notion of Reaper existence. Or that they're even more asinine than they were two years ago."

"Can you expect anything else out of politicians?" Garrus muttered, ordering a drink for himself.

"Would be stupid if I said yes," the commander groaned, her hand falling from her face and instead reaching to massage the back of her neck as her head twisted and turned was the obvious pain of drinking too much too fast.

It made him give a chuckle… and earn a swift glare from Shepard, before she ended up giving a groan and bowing over from the spike in pain in her head. The turian gave another chuckle before finishing his drink and helping the woman from her seat. She slowly turned to regard him with a cocked brow. "You obviously can't hold your alcohol. Might as well get you somewhere you can sit and not worry about falling over…"

"You know, Garrus… sometimes I hate you," she grumbled, but she didn't fight him and instead did take to leaning on him as a slight stumble did settle into her step. She practically crashed into the booth he led her to, her elbows propped up against the table and her head resting in both of her hands. He took a seat across from her just as she gave another groan and ripped off the visor she still wore, before she returned to cradling her head. As much as it had been rather amusing to see Shepard actually take in more than she could handle for once, now Garrus just felt remorseful for the woman. He didn't blame her for trying to drown her problems with alcohol; she had more issues to deal with than she deserved after all. Too bad her attempt to lessen the problems was only making it worse.

"Look… if you're going to say something, say it," Shepard eventually growled, turning her head slightly to meet his gaze with a glare. "Yea, I know I haven't been the most animated person of late. So now you and Tali and worried about me and that's why you're here. I'm not stupid Garrus…"

"Didn't say you were and I know better than to insult you. I've seen enough to know the last thing anyone should aim for is to be your enemy," he returned easily with another chuckle before letting his voice grow somber. "Anyhow… given that you almost died on us once, can you blame us for wanting to keep any eye on you?"

"Great… now I have to be on constant watch to make sure I don't just drop dead on all of you," she gave a groan, shaking her head. "Just make me feel worse about dying at an inconvenient time…"

"If it will keep you alive…"

"Fine, fine. Now get me a drink since you dragged me away from the bar," Shepard interrupted with frustration laced within her voice, her brown eyes appearing darker with her glare. "And don't lecture me. Like I said… I deserve a decent drink at a time like this."

"Then I take it we're not going to bother looking for the assassin or the justicar?"

"Not even going to see Liara today. Not now that I just want to get wasted right now," she gave a sigh and lowered her gaze.

"Are you trying to stall? Think meeting her will be as bad as Horizon?"

But the commander shook her head again, running her fingers through her hair. "No. I'm not worried about anything like that. A little surprised to hear her as an information broker and I don't know what to expect from her, but… I'm not really worried about seeing her. Now…

"Didn't I tell you to get me a drink? Or am I going to have to stumble my way back to the bar?"

"Sure you want more right now? Whatever headache you have right now is going to get worse…"

"I told you no lectures," Shepard bit back, still glaring, but she relented, leaning back in her seat, resting her head against the seat, and jadedly turning her eyes over the other patrons around them, scoffing at the small bachelor party nearby. But she made no comment about the scene as she returned her gaze to his, raising an eyebrow again. "Look Garrus… if you're going to ask, ask. It's bugging me if you're just going to evade the topic even though you want me to talk about it…"

"Shepard, I told you before that I'm here if you need me, that it's foolish to not help you if you've got a problem, but I'm not about to push you into spilling your guts for my satisfaction," the turian explained somberly, watching as the woman's eyes soften and the aggravation in her face faded away. If he could smile, he would have as now… she was looking more like the good-hearted hero that was the best the galaxy had to offer. "I'm just here for the reason we touched upon earlier…

"Just making sure you don't up and die on us again," he teased with a chuckle before admitting, "And Tali's worried about you. She wanted someone to keep an eye on you."

"She would, wouldn't she? I guess I can't blame her," the infiltrator murmured, her fingers picking at her dark blond bangs. He heard that natural blond hair was rare amongst humans. He did wonder if Shepard was a natural blond. He figured she must be. She didn't seem like the kind that put vain emphasis on appearance. Good thing too, in his mind. He always thought that a female looked best in armor.

Not that his opinion would matter to her though. It was just a thought he had.

"I feel bad for her. She comes on to the team and I'm nothing but a miserable sap," the woman went on. "I couldn't be as ecstatic when she joined up as I was when you did. All because of that half-assed jerk," Shepard added, kicking her foot against the table.

"Then what Alenko said is still bothering you?"

"Partly," she sighed, this time turning her full attention onto the turian and admitted softly, "The problem isn't just what he said back on Horizon. It's that… I figured that the encounter meant it was over and should be."

"Don't tell me you're wishing otherwise," Garrus growled, allowing that aggravation to be evident with a twitch of his mandibles. As much as he admired the woman, there were times that she was just too idealistic _and_ forgiving. Sure, he believed in second chances, but right now, the last thing he wanted to think was that Shepard was going to let herself get dragged down by someone who didn't pause and think about her before running off his mouth.

But as he watched a smirk cross her lips, he found his thoughts – thankfully – proved to be wrong. "Don't worry. That's not the problem. I actually had been able to put any thought of Kaidan behind me after our talk," she said, still smirking while Garrus almost thought he caught an eager light in her eyes… before her smirk faded and her gaze fell to her visor, her hands pointlessly fidgeting with the headpiece. "At least until recently.

"The problem isn't my feelings about whatever was between Kaidan and me two years ago. It's his.

"He… he sent me a message."

"What did he say now?" he asked, almost unwillingly, knowing that whatever was in that message was the heart of Shepard's current problem. It would be nice to ignore it – he _wished_ the woman could ignore it; the woman didn't need more issues to deal with. But… he had long realized that the galaxy was never at all fair. "He had to find out how to contact you just to insult you all the more?"

"It wasn't an insult. Per say," Shepard sighed, turning her dark, somber eyes up to his. "He… he apologized. And he didn't come right out and say it, but… it seems like he wants to fix things up. Go back to what we supposedly had…"

Garrus didn't know what to say. As much as he still thought that Alenko should have spoken better to the commander, it wasn't his place to tell Shepard to forget about the man if the biotic was apologizing and trying to make things right. He shouldn't have said anything earlier, not while this was really between those two. He wasn't – and shouldn't be – involved.

But he felt that Alenko didn't deserve the woman. Not when she had more than enough people against her.

She didn't need someone that might possibly keep second guessing her.

But it wasn't his place to say anything now.

"So you're frustrated because you can't see him?" he chanced a guess, not sure what else to say at the moment.

But what he had said seemed to be the wrong words to speak…

"Didn't I just tell you I wasn't concerned about my feelings for Kaidan?" the infiltrator snapped, slamming a fist onto the table that startled not only the turian before her but other surrounding patrons. Even the men having their bachelor party paused to regard the outburst. "There's nothing anymore and I'm not about to fool anyone into thinking that there is anything. Not me, not Kaidan… no one.

"And what makes you think I want to go back to being with him? I told you about the fights. I don't need to deal with those again. Not when he's been shoving me away how many times. I'm sick of it and I don't need to deal with it…"

"I understand, but then… what's the problem?" Garrus returned cautiously, his hands held up before him, growing rather daunted by how angry the woman had become. And there were only a few times she really seemed to get to the point of breathing fire… basically just before she reminded her adversary that she did have a gun.

However, her rage faded as she sighed and slumped back into the chair, murmuring reluctantly, "Because… I don't like thinking about why I hate that message. It was easier to forget about him when it seemed like he really didn't care for me. But now… that's not what it seems like. Now all I can think if that he's just had to deal with so much and those two years only made a reunion worse than it had to be…

"And I'm the one that really doesn't care."

"I don't see how that's possible…"

Shepard gave another sigh, looking back to her tossed aside visor and again returning to pointless fidgeting with the piece. "I was sleeping with the man and not once did I tell him that I loved him. He never had a problem telling me that he loved me, but… I never said the same back to him.

"I never loved him. And… I don't even know why I reciprocated his feelings if they really weren't my own…"

"We were fighting an enormous AI ship and Saren had an army of geth and Krogan. You probably just wanted to ease the stress…" Garrus said nonchalantly, titling his head as he regarded the now despondent woman. He didn't really see why this was such a problem or why she didn't see the occurrence as such a situation. At least until he remembered the Alliance regs in fraternization. He never really understood those…

"I don't like thinking that," Shepard breathed softly, shaking her head as her face contorted with the look of distant sadness. "That I was only using Kaidan. I haven't been… that careless since I was in high school. I just… I feel wrong…"

"We all make mistakes sometimes. Even you're not perfect," the vigilante put in even though he did not want to say that, that Shepard was truly as flawed as any other being in the galaxy. But she really shouldn't beat herself down by thinking she couldn't make mistakes. Seeing her under such torment… it didn't sit well with him to see her like this.

Which made him glad to see an amused smile creep onto her lips as her eyebrows cocked with a sense of mischief. "Watch it Turian. Unless _you_ want to go 'off the grid' while we're here." But however long that teasing demeanor had lasted though, it was fleeting. Her smile faded quickly as she gave a sigh and looked off, again to the bachelor party. Then her eyes were on his, still sullen, but with a certain light of curiosity in her brown eyes. "So… well, have you? Slept with someone just to ease the stress? Someone you didn't love?"

Taken aback, Garrus couldn't hold back the startled cough he gave, glad that he wasn't drinking anything. "Ah… I think I won't answer that," he tried to evade her question, growing a little uneasy by how intently she was watching him. Just… when she had that look of analysis… you knew you couldn't hold a secret from her. "Knowing you… I'll get a full, angry lecture on something along the lines of injustice…"

And he didn't know if the smile that crept onto her lips as she leaned back gave him reason to relax… to was a warning that she got what she wanted.

Turned out to be the latter… "You know you just answered the question…"

"Damn," he hissed, breaking his gaze away from hers. But the silence that settled between them made him curious and he turned his gaze back to hers, intrigued by the smile still on her lips. "So… am I getting a lecture?"

She just shook her head and continued smiling, leaning back in her seat with obvious amusement and comfort. "Not if you buy me another drink. I'll be nice for once… since you've been putting up with me a good bit."

"You've put up with my bullheaded complaints…"

Giving a scoffed but nonetheless amused laugh, Shepard added, "Garrus… you're still bullheaded…"

"Exactly."

The smile edged into a smirk as she leaned forward, resting her chin on her hands, her dark eyes still not releasing that look of scrutiny. Only now… there was more of an… intent of some kind. And the turian couldn't discern what it was even as she spoke, "So why don't you just get us some drinks and we'll call it a date."

"A… a _what_?" he gave a gasp and he jerked upright, his actions only making her chuckle before she tilted her head to the side and leaned back with a soft smile on her lips.

"It's a joke, Garrus," she murmured softly before looking off to the entrance into eternity then returned her gaze to his. "Since I already decided that we won't be worrying about any recruitment or fighting… I'd say we just remain in this bar for a bit and enjoy our time. What do you think? Tali will probably be over in a bit as well too. And it'll be like old times. Too bad we won't have Wrex here to disgust her all his violence and vulgar mentionings. It was cute how I suppose she'd give the quarian equivalent of blushing by suddenly spouting off tech solutions and equations."

"Cruel human females," Garrus simply scoffed, partial feeling pity for the young quarian, but only partial. After all he had his share of evoking such a response from Tali, given he had seen some disturbing things in his time with C-Sec. Too bad though that Tali had gained a bit more of a violent edge and had already threatened him with her shotgun when he had attempted to tease her.

At least Shepard didn't seem as adverse to teasing as the quarian was now…

"Oh, don't start complaining and get our drinks," she laughed, waving a hand before he eventually stood to do as asked. "You haven't even scratched the surface of female cruelty. We can have some rather depraved tastes, Turian. But… our men can find such tastes quite… pleasurable.

"I'd imagine that a turian like you could handle quite a bit of such 'cruelty.' You're tougher than humans after all…"

"And I think you've had enough to drink today," Garrus gave a sigh, picking up her visor then quickly pulling her up out of her seat. "Better get you back to the ship before you start saying or _doing_ something you really regret.

"And I don't think you want to end up frightening Tali in the process…"

"No fun, Garrus," Shepard grumbled as she once again relented and let him guide her from her seat and this time out of the bar. However this time she surprised him by wrapping her arm around his waist. He gave a jerk, one she noticed as they both turned their gazes onto each other and her brown eyes simply had a tender uncertainty to them, her voice soft as she spoke. "This bother you?"

"Uh… no. If it's easier for you to walk, this is better. Don't need you making a scene by falling flat on your face," he returned with a tease as he looked back before them. At first, what he said had been for her own sake. If it made her feel more comfortable, he wasn't going to tell her off. But… he also realized that it didn't bother him at all. Actually, he felt a little guilty to admit – even to just himself – he did enjoy this. She was hardly a woman that needed a crutch and he didn't think he could be much of one for her, but… he couldn't deny it. He enjoyed having Shepard's trust and being aware that she knew she had his. "I better radio Tali ahead and let her know we're heading to the ship…"

"Yea. Okay," the human nodded as she took his lead, the both of them ignoring the curious glances they were receiving. Or maybe she didn't exactly ignore them. He wasn't sure. Not as she added in a glum murmur. "Hey Garrus… have you ever fallen for someone you didn't think you could be with?"

Though his body didn't jerk this time, his mandibles did as he turned to regard her, but her eyes weren't on him. "A few times. But that's been awhile…"

"So I guess you never got with them…"

"Pretty much."

"I guess then thinking I might would be hoping in vain," she sighed, just as her grip on his waist tightened.

"I wouldn't say that," he tried to assure her, his talons clicking against her shoulder guard, an attempt to be comforting, but he doubted it. "You're Commander Shepard of all people. You tend to do the impossible."

"I hope you mean that in a good way…"

"I do."

"Well… maybe you're right then," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "I hope you're right."

"Everything will work out, Shepard. If anything, things tend to go along just as they should around you. Even with Alenko. Like I said before… you're better off without him. Just forget about him. You'll be fine…"

"Yea. If I've learned anything, it's that he's not the one I need. But…" She gave a last, heavy sigh as her free hand reached for his by her shoulder as she murmured softly, "Garrus, I hate thinking about who it is I might need. I'm worried that won't work out."

"It will. Because you're Commander Shepard. But I think you need to sleep off some of that alcohol. Last thing we need is a depressed commander…"

"Yea… I know. Anyhow… Garrus, thanks. I mean it. I'm glad you're here," she whispered. And that was the last thing she said on the long walk back to the Normandy.

* * *

**Endnote:** Eh... I don't know what I have to say here, except I should have had more fun with a drunk Shepard. Darn. I did have a few more ideas to the situation, but... they would have taken away too much from the scene, so this is all that happens.

R&R


	3. Ruminations

**Misc:** Again, nothing much to say here. This just continues where we left off in the prior chapter.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

She didn't know how often it might have happened, but to the best of her knowledge, Janelle wasn't aware of feeling as nervous as she did now. Hell, even when before the Council, her duty as a soldier had kept her from balking. It had been such an impersonal and formal situation, it hadn't bothered her. But when things got down to individual issues… well, after how badly her personal life seemed to have gone, she didn't know what to expect but the worse.

And how could she expect nothing else in her current situation?

After waking up still in her armor while having a dull pain in her head and vague recollections of being in the bar Eternity with Garrus – and considering her latest revelation regarding the turian – she was honestly _terrified_ what she might have said. And after asking EDI how she had gotten to her quarters then making the mistake of talking to _both_ Kelly and Joker and hearing their taunts of how she was all over Garrus… she could barely hear anything past the pounding in her ears and she felt utterly cold and tense as she made her nervous trek down to the gunnery control station.

She couldn't enjoy going to see Garrus all because she had to be damn worried about what she might have said to him while she was drunk.

It was frustrating, these last few days, being around the turian. Realizing that she didn't want to see him as a friend anymore, she kept hearing Kaidan's voice in her head. Especially that one time he accused her of having an alien fetish because of all the time she spent with the aliens on their crew rather than him. Hell, now that she was aware that she actually had been drawn to Garrus all this time and that – on her part – their constant teasing had been acts of flirtation… she could easily understand how Kaidan had grown to be jealous. And right now… she didn't blame him. He had every right.

Janelle just hated thinking that here Kaidan wanted to fix things and she had no desire to.

All because she was constantly thinking about that turian that kept messing around with her ship's guns…

Signaling open the door to the gunnery control station, Janelle took a moment to enjoy the sight of Garrus's body. Perhaps it was wrong, but she didn't care. She had always thought that for a turian, he was good looking and doubted that he would have had trouble with their females. And she didn't see the scars as a hindrance either… not while she thought they added a certain flavor to the vigilante's more apparent badass reputation. However now, she wasn't just making the assessment with some sense of impartial outlook. Now, she was seeing him as handsome – and breathtaking – in her own eyes. She didn't see him as a turian when she looked at him.

She saw Garrus, the sapient being that admired her, trusted her, and had always stood by her side.

Of course she was finding him desirable.

This mission they were on, it was a suicide mission. And of her original crew, Garrus was the first to put his neck on the line right there with her. And he didn't let their unexpected association with Cerberus lead to any doubt in her intentions. She was glad for that. Glad that he had so much trust in her when Kaidan didn't.

Although… she hated that fact to.

"Still occupying yourself with the Normandy's weaponry?" she began as she walked up to stand near him, trying hard to force down the sudden light-heartedness that soared through her as Garrus turned his gaze onto her. "You're pretty dedicated in seeing that they're up and running, aren't you?"

"Given they're my upgrades, I doubt things will go over well if they're not functioning perfectly when we go after the Collectors," the turian returned with amusement. "Anyhow, it's good to see you up and about, Shepard. You should be a little more careful about your limits…"

"Yea, yea… I know. The whole inconvenience of me dying," Janelle groaned before giving an uneasy shift, wishing he hadn't reminded her so quickly why she was down here. But no point in stalling. "Anyhow, Garrus, I just wanted to come down and apologize for anything I might have said while I was drunk…"

"If you're worried about mentioning your problems, you shouldn't be…" he started as shook his head and his attention went back to the console before him. "I thought we touched on that…"

"No, that's not the part I'm worried about," she interrupted him as she took a step closer and resting a hand against his shoulder, gently nudging him to signal to turn his gaze back to her. He did, his eyes somber as he stared at her, his mandibles giving what seemed like a questioning shudder. It only made her more apprehensive, her fingers fidgeting against his armor. "Um, what I meant was to apologize for anything I might have said that was well, embarrassing or… inappropriate. That is if I said anything along those lines?"

She didn't like the jerky twitch of his mandibles this time. And she especially didn't like how he turned away again. Not as none of those actions seemed to correlate with his words. "Nothing you need to worry about. Just some drunken rambles, but nothing more…"

"Bullshit, Garrus," she snapped, her hand at his shoulder, shoving him this time to face her. "Don't get evasive on me otherwise I _know_ I said something incredibly stupid and…"

"Ignorable," the turian cut in, moving one hand to take a firm hold of hers and slowly drag the limb away from him and back to her side before releasing. "It wasn't a lie to say that it's nothing to worry about. After all it was just you and myself. No one else has any idea what happened. So why does it matter?"

"You know when you say it like that, you only make me feel worse," Janelle grumbled back as she crossed her arms and leant back against the console, effectively setting herself between him and his work. If he wanted to try to ignore her that way, he'd be hard pressed. Though she half wished he'd try. He breathing suddenly hitched at the thought of his arms going around her…

Her wandering thoughts were pulled back to the present however as Garrus gave a short laugh, crossing his arms as well as he leaned back, seeming to regard her with amusement. "Yea, I guess you're right. Well, just trust me that whatever was said was pretty trivial and nothing to worry about. That is except one thing…" As the turian took a moment to pause, his eyes went somber as he stared down at her, Janelle's own gaze regarding his with question. Though she didn't have to rely on silent inquire long… "I'm just wondering how you feel about the issue with Alenko, given that I don't think you remember talking to me about him in Eternity.

"Told me about his message and you're more frustrated with yourself than him…"

"In what way?" she returned, raising an eyebrow.

"Because Alenko might want to fix things. You don't. You said that you don't believe that you ever loved him."

"Guess I needa watch myself more when I start drinking. I've no idea what I might end up telling you then," she gave a sigh, trying to joke, but… she failed. Not as it was a truth she knew and wanted to avoid. She really didn't need to start making drunken confessions of desires around him. She didn't exactly mind him knowing the truth of her thoughts regarding her and Kaidan, but she wished she said something sober and not while inebriated. "But, yea… that's why I was trying to drown myself in alcohol, I guess. Just wanted to forget about all those issues for a moment…"

"Still think you're better off without him?"

"I'm not up for dealing with him and the drama that'll come up," Janelle nodded, picking at the hem of one of her gloves. "I told you about the fights. I don't want to go back to that…"

"Good. Just wanted to know that wasn't just the alcohol talking."

"It wasn't. Now… seriously, there's nothing else I said that really would be a problem getting around?"

"Nothing else, Shepard," Garrus shook his head before letting his arms relax as he took to pacing before her. "I know how your enemies tend to have a way of dying. I'm not interested in invoking any such wrath from you. Even if you said anything, I'm not about to start spreading some gossip for the crew."

"Good, as they've got enough for either of us to deal with."

"Oh? What do you mean by that?" he asked, halting and turning to regard her curiously.

With a deep breath, Janelle paused, trying to figure out how to phrase her words without making any unnecessary implications. "Well… Kelly's started speculating that there's… something between us," she said slowly, waving a hand between them and noting the surprised blink that the turian gave. "And Joker was only eager to cash in on the mockery…"

"Well… that is a bit awkward," he murmured, shifting with an uneasy step, his eyes not even meeting hers comfortably. "Ah, sorry about this, Shepard. I wasn't attempting to make people think that way of you earlier. I hope it doesn't make things more difficult for you with… whoever you're pursuing now…"

"Huh? What makes you think I'm pursuing anyone?" the infiltrator gave a jerk as her brows furrowed, trying to figure out why he might think that. She couldn't figure out anyone of the crew whom she spoke with more over another, aside from Garrus, of course. But… the way he was acting, she didn't think he meant him. "What are you talking about?"

"Huh, as we left Eternity… you mentioned something about wanting to be with someone who might prove to be… a difficulty. I thought…"

"As far as I know, I don't have anything to worry about there," she shook her head, replying quickly as she hoped he didn't come to the conclusion that she had meant him in whatever drunken rambles she had made. She was just glad that obviously, she mustn't have mentioned her exact feelings for him. "I don't exactly see many choices. I mean, Jacob, he… he seems a bit too naïve for me, believing in Cerberus. And that just makes me think of how naïve Kaidan is and , ugh… don't tell me that I need to explain how _that_ is unappealing to me.

"And just who else would there be? No one else that I can think of." She paused as she gave a shrug and turned her gaze away from his. "I've no idea who I meant, at least… that I care to tell you," Janelle added with a smirk as she looked back at him, pushing away from the console and letting her hands fall to her hips. "Besides for now… I think I'll be happy to deal without some drama. I thought I wouldn't have to put up with this kind of thing ever again."

"No offense, but I'm glad I haven't had any issues like that of late. One good thing of being frustrated with C-Sec's system and crime's seeming free-reign. Haven't been focused on anything else for awhile…"

"Oh, you would be," the former Alliance soldier gave another scoff. "Given the amount of time you spend around big guns… I imagine you enjoy making love to that sniper rifle of yours enough that you don't feel nearly so lonely."

"It is rather enjoyable when I line up a perfect headshot and I can't wait to see how the new cannons fare against the Collectors. I can't deny that… but it's hardly lonely when you're constant company. That and you're consistency in trying to steal _my_ headshots."

"You're fault for not having a fast enough trigger finger," she counter with delight before she took a few steps towards Garrus, meeting his gaze once more with inquiry. "So there really isn't anything else that I might have said?"

"Nothing important," he shook his head, his mandibles softly easing away from his face before returning to their relaxed position.

"Fine, fine, Turian," she groaned, rapping her knuckles against his chest piece, but she continued to smile as she couldn't help but once more express her gratitude in his company. "And Garrus… thanks again. I… I don't know what I'd do without you here."

"You'd go on. You always do."

"I guess I'd have to, but still… I'm glad you're here and… look, I promised to help Miranda with her sister. So if you find out about Sidonis. Anything at all, let me know," she said softly, resting a hand on his shoulder guard.

"I… sure," the vigilante nodded before adding with quiet caution. "Shepard… you know you don't have to do this."

"And since when have I ever had to do anything? Garrus… you're one of the closest friends I have. One of the best I could wish for," Janelle admitted with a smile… which slid away as she added with melancholy, "And you joined up on a mission that could be your last. If that is what has to happen, the least I could do is make sure you're granted some peace before the end." She didn't let him get a chance to give his opinion on the matter. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't like thinking that she'd follow her to his death not with how every fiber of her being wanted to scream at him that she didn't want his death, but for him to live… to always be there at her side.

And she didn't want to just dwell on the melancholy.

"Besides… we've got rumors going around the ship that the commander has a certain interest in her gunnery officer. Figured I could do you a favor of having to give you that kind of embarrassment," she smirked a last time before stepping away from the finally time. "Well, better get moving before people start thinking there's more going on in here than talking."

Again she didn't give him a chance to respond, however this time it was due to embarrassment on her part… and the desire to kick herself. Why did she have to let such a suggestion slip from her mouth? Like that was going to help things. And did she _have_ to put the notion in his head? She had no idea what she wanted to do in regards to her own desires with him, but… she didn't need to make him uncomfortable with the thoughts of a… a dalliance with the commander of the ship he was now serving on. Especially not when said commander was already showing an interest in him and everyone knew they had a history. Not a romantic one, but enough of one that it really wasn't unlikely to think anything could happen between them.

Reaching the elevator and watching the doors close, Janelle slumped back against the cool, metal wall, throwing her head back and thumping a fist against the wall. Why the hell did she have to be so worried over this? And why did she have to think that she wanted something more between her and Garrus? Before she contemplated such, things were hardly so frustrating. And now that she had to have that chance thought… hell, was she ever going to get away from the drama?

With an aggravated groan, Janelle keyed the elevator to start moving. She couldn't stay in here long and think she'd have sufficient privacy; someone could easily walk in. But not like she really wanted any real privacy anyhow. She didn't need to sit up in her room, mulling over her new predicament. If she could have, she would have stuck around with Garrus a little longer, but with the new rumor cropping up on the Normandy, she didn't want to feed it fuel.

At least the Normandy wasn't lacking of people to talk to. Or old friends.

"Hey, Tali. How are things going down here?" Janelle quickly called out having made her way to the Engineering deck and moving to stand near the quarian. "Enjoying working on this Normandy as much as the old one?"

"Oh, hey Shepard. And yes, I'm glad to be working on the Normandy again, especially with all the improvements," the quarian responded, quickly turning to face the human and with her voice sounding awfully chipper, Janelle couldn't help but smile. "Anyhow, I'm glad you're fine now. Garrus mentioned that you drank a bit too much at Eternity."

"Yea… and I hope I never make that mistake again," Janelle muttered, crossing her arms as she leaned back against some railing. "I'm hoping I didn't make a fool of myself around Garrus. He won't say anything if I did."

"Do you really think he would if it meant admitting that you're anything less than what we believed you to be? We all admired you, Shepard, but Garrus was really the only one that seemed to refuse to let your memory die," Tali replied softly before her hand made the gesture to follow her. Janelle followed her friend, walking out to the drive core before the quarian spoke again. "Sorry. I just don't really care to have Donnelly listening in on our conversation. Not that he'll necessarily do any harm…"

"You just don't like him, huh? He seems like a fun guy to me."

"Maybe to you, but having to listen to his comments about Miranda and… me. If there's one thing I miss about the old Normandy, it was the old crew. I never heard about how my suit was 'snug in the right places,'" Tali said with evident disgust as she paced along the walkway. "I have to restrain myself from firing my shotgun at him! It's maddening!"

"I guess you don't have to deal with teasing like that much back on the Fleet, huh?" Janelle responded, calmly and with understanding. "Probably comes with being an admiral's daughter.

"Donnelly is probably used to Alliance women. The men tease us about how good we look in armor and we knock them upside the head. And the men just find it all amusing…"

"That sounds horribly frustrating, but you're probably right. I got some privileges in life, but still… it's just not part of quarian culture to mock. We have to rely on each other and the worse thing we can do is make enemies amongst each other," Tali said with a slightly sorrowful drone before sighing and shaking her head. "But that's not what I was hoping to talk to you about. We were talking about Garrus and… what happened after you, well… you died.

"He wanted us to continue what work you started, but… with you gone, most of us made up our excuses. Alenko wasn't about to fight your Alliance and thought that if he stuck with them, he could do some good. Same went for most of the other humans on your crew.

"And the rest of us… I don't really know what happened to Liara. She kinda just left when she realized the crew was as good as gone. But Wrex… the krogan figured he might have a chance with his people and I can't blame him for wanting to go back to his people, Shepard…"

"Of course, you couldn't, Tali," Janelle had to smile, even as her heart was breaking from what she was hearing. She knew that her 'death' had caused so many pains amongst her crew and she hated hearing it. She hated hearing how they all faced difficulties in the wake of that event. And she didn't like hearing more of how Garrus suffered, but… she was glad that at least her friends hadn't changed from being themselves. Instead they seemed to have gained a greater realization of that which was more important to them; she was glad to hear that Wrex hadn't given up on his people and Tali was still loyal to hers. "The Fleet should consider themselves grateful to have such a devoted person as a member of their civilization. They should be proud."

"Thanks, Shepard. And I think they are… especially Father," the quarian nodded, her voice carrying the soft smile the Spectre wished she could see. "So I guess you cans see why I had to take the chance to return to my people. I didn't like it and I felt bad for Garrus. We all did. He didn't want to go back to C-Sec and I guess he couldn't take it, given Omega. He couldn't take on the geth, go after the Reapers, but he didn't want to stop fighting the injustice in the galaxy. I think it shows you that he wasn't willing to let you die in any way. He followed your steps more than any of us."

"And he feels like he failed that attempt," Janelle sighed, leaning against the railing and looking down to her feet as she scuffed her boots against the metal grating. "I mentioned to you about how his squad died on Omega, because one of them betrayed him, right? I don't think that he could have ever saw it coming and he won't hear me when I say that. I wish he would. It wasn't his fault that his men died.

"I guess he feels like he failed more than just his men…"

"You can't blame him if he did. We were at a point of desperation, Shepard. We knew that if we didn't stop the Reapers once and for all, everything would end eventually. We just had to grab what we had at the time and try to make the most of it. And I guess… Garrus felt like he failed at that. Any of us would have." Again there was a sigh from Tali before she added softly, and thankfully, "I'm glad you're alive Shepard. And I'm glad we don't have to worry that the Reapers are going to win. You're going to stop them. There's no one else that can so I refuse to believe that you can't."

"We still have the Collectors to deal with…"

"And you'll succeed. You make it a habit to force people to rethink what is impossible. I want to see you do that again. I'm glad I'm here with you again, even though we have to rely on Cerberus. I'm glad that you have no trust in them and that they've done enough to make it impossible to have it…"

"I'd feel like I'm betraying my unit, humanity, the whole galaxy… and all my friends if I did trust them," Janelle said mournfully. "I feel bad having to drag you in with them, but I do need people I can trust, Tali."

"I understand and that's why I'm here," the quarian nodded before tentatively taking a step towards the commander and slowly drawing her arms around her. "You're one of the best friends I could have ever hoped to find. And I'm glad that I had the chance to meet you and gain your friendship. I could never turn my back on you."

"I'm glad I met you as well. I'd never have been made a Spectre or gotten the evidence against Saren without you," Janelle admitted, giving a soft squeeze in her friend's embrace. "We really couldn't have done it without you."

"Thanks, Shepard. That means a lot," Tali nodded as they released each other and she stepped back. "But there's something I wanted to ask about as well. Um… well…

"Donnelly mentioned some sort of rumor going around about you and Garrus being an item…"

"That's just because Garrus had to help me up to my room after I was enough of a fool to drink more than I could handle," Janelle replied quickly, waving a dismissive hand, hoping that Tali wasn't suddenly going to start thinking that she had a thing for Garrus… even if that was the truth. "I think Joker just wanted something to mock me about and Kelly, well… she's Kelly. I get the picture she likes to see drama happen. Not in a bad way, but… she likes it when things are amusing and… it just doesn't leave things seeming stagnant."

"And I don't know whether to take your denial as truth or something said out of embarrassment," Tali teased with a laugh that made Janelle imagine that the girl was wearing a smirk and cocking an eyebrow beneath her helmet… or at least whatever was the quarian equivalent of an expression holding both skepticism and amusement. "I'm pretty sure I don't have to tell you that it's something that anyone could have seen coming, given the circumstances.

"You've always been one to embrace other races, Shepard. You really made us feel welcomed on the Normandy. We were all close… and I've always thought you were closest to Garrus, especially when on the battlefield, the both of you able to joke with each other under fire.

"In truth… I always thought it was… odd to see you with Alenko," her friend said, treading cautiously with her words. "I never understood what it was you saw in him. I could see what he saw in you, but… Alenko? You just never laughed around him like you would with Garrus. Or even smile. You'd smile for hours around Garrus even when there was nothing to smile about.

"I guess when you were together in privacy things were different…"

"Not really," Janelle shook her head, very slowly as she found herself surprised by Tali's words. She couldn't say that she imagined the quarian would rebuke her for having interest in the turian, except perhaps in regards to her past relationship with Kaidan. But neither could she imagine having someone tell her that she _should_ be with Garrus. "Things weren't well between us. I guess he saw the same thing you mentioned. I think Kaidan was jealous not only of how close I was to you, Wrex, and Garrus… but just how it seemed like… I was finding the turian more than just a friend…"

"So you do like Garrus?" Tali questioned, softly, but with obvious zeal.

"You sound excited there, Tali," the infiltrator had to remark with a smirk.

"Well, I… I just didn't know if I might be analyzing too much or something. Spending too much time with engines, you know…" the quarian reminded, holding a hand out and looking towards the drive core before turning her visor back to Janelle. "Of course, it's not just the thought that I was right. But like I was saying, the two of you always seemed so close and then seeing how distraught he really was without you… I've been thinking that the two of you might be cute together.

"That and I'd rather see you with Garrus than Jacob."

"Trust me, Jacob has barely crossed my mind," Janelle gave a soft chuckled, smiling but keeping her head lowered. Finally she continued on, her voice still quiet, "Tali… maybe this is a little ridiculous to ask you, but… you where there when everything went to hell amongst the crew. So… do you think… Garrus might be offended by a relationship with a… well, a human?"

"I think anyone would find it hard to turn you down, Shepard. I mean… you're Commander Shepard. They'd think of themselves as a fool to lose a chance with you," Tali said with a measurable amount of cynicism in her voice before her tone was serious once more. "But no… I don't think he'd be offended, Shepard. He admires and respects you and… I think he sees you as his closest friend. He wouldn't risk losing you…"

"Tali, I don't want him to agree to being with me because he's worried that if he doesn't, we won't be friends anymore. And I don't want him thinking that because I'm Commander Shepard he'd be a fool to refuse me."

"That's not what I meant," the quarian countered, shaking her head. "But he does admire and respect you greatly because you're Commander Shepard. You won't be able to get away from that.

"But when I said he won't risk closing you… he lost you once, Shepard. Do you really think he's willing to see you slip away again? Whether or not he realizes it, I think a part of him also realized that whatever was between the two of you, it was more than just friendship. But I don't think he'll admit to that consciously by himself. He's not going to step into boundaries that he feels are beyond him. None of us would. I know that because of Alenko. Garrus, Wrex, and I… none of us really saw what there might have been to draw you to him, but that wasn't our business. It was yours and we weren't about to question you.

"And I guess you can imagine that he probably knows of the unmentioned stigma of relations between a turian and human. He'd never overstep that boundary because he does respect you and given that, like you said, he feels like he failed his men, he might feel like he's really too beneath you for anything like that. Like you deserve better."

"So you think I should break the ice and make him realize that he's not, for his own sake?"

"And because you know you want that for him and you care _deeply _for him," Tali added and Janelle was certain she could hear a smirk in that voice. "Glad that this isn't just a pointless rumor wandering through the ship…"

"Ha ha. Go ahead and find some amusement in this, Tali," Janelle laughed herself as she shook her head. "But I need to think about this first. Give things some time before anything, well… happens. Well, I might as well head back up to my room. My mother's getting pretty annoyed that I haven't sent her any messages yet. Might as well now before we head out tomorrow to look for the assassin. And this time I _promise_ I won't get drunk." She turned to leave, but stop and spun back around, cocking a brow as she regarded her friend. "You know, I have to say… I'm surprised that I had to come to you to hear and realize this…"

And once again, Janelle heard that smirk in her friend's voice. "What can I say? I learned from the best."

* * *

**Endnote: **So I threw in Tali, because I love her so. ^_^ I'm hoping for her to continue to have a decent part in the story and I hope that she wasn't OoC, though I do see that she's grown up a good bit since the first game and someone that can and will confide a lot with Shepard and vise versa. And I dunno, I had this thought that she definitely realized a lot about those around her in the wake of Shepard's 'death.' That and she's got this thing about not trusting Cerberus, so I can see her wanting Shepard with someone she's more liable to trust and not speak to with disgust... all the time. XP

So next... the loyalty mission... one of my most favorite moments of the game. ^_^

R&R


	4. Hostility

**Misc:** To say, this chapter seems to stay pretty close to the dialog, except in certain spots. I hope that's not annoying, but I only really changed things where I figured they needed or could be changed. I dunno. Anyhow... one last thing, I hope the battles are fine. It's just a little weird with the powers bit, but well... I'll just have to see what you think, huh?

* * *

**Chapter Four**

"_You humans have a saying. 'An eye for an eye.' A life for a life. Sidonis owes me ten lives and I plan to collect."_

"_You sure that's what you want to do?"_

"_I'm sure. I'm not asking you to agree with me, just for your help… like you offered."_

Janelle wasn't one to go back on her word and she didn't even contemplate the thought, but… she was getting worried about the task she was about to set out to accomplish. Garrus finally got a lead on Sidonis, the turian that betrayed his team and now… he wanted the traitor dead for causing the deaths of the ten men that been part of the former C-Sec agent's operative.

It was nothing about getting blood on her hands; she knew her hands were already permanent stained with the lives of many and the number of deaths she caused would only continue to steadily rise. But she had her principals and though she knew better than to die in vain for simple – and idiotic – idealism, she didn't care to kill in cold blood. Especially if there was a chance to prevent such an outcome.

As much as she understood that what Garrus was going through was hardly dismissive, she didn't like the fact that he wasn't even considering the chance to see things happen otherwise. He was intent in having his revenge, in submitting to violence… without looking for another way.

Like Saren.

It sent a chill up her spine as she looked to the turian next to her in the transit shuttle they were taking to the warehouses for Zakera Wards. She didn't like this, seeing this ferocious fire in her friend's eyes, not while she knew she was past wanting their relations to remain platonic. She wished she had said something earlier to him about her feelings for him, but… she stalled. Kept telling herself that she needed to wait until later, maybe even after the attack on the Collector base, not to plunge the two of them into drama while they had other things to worry about. And now she found herself regretting that decision.

She didn't know if it would have changed his mind about what he wanted, but maybe Garrus would have thought twice about resorting to vengeful killing if he had a lover at his side.

But it was too late now. She wasn't going to try to persuade him to back out of his goal because of her feelings for him. She wasn't going to manipulate him like that, to chance turning him against her and losing him. She'd have to just try again to remind him what she tried to tell him when they went after Doctor Saleon, to bring him closer to the turian she remembered from two years ago.

Not that she wanted to change him utterly, that she didn't enjoy the person he was, or that she didn't find his more relaxed, yet rougher attitude… exhilarating. But she knew who and what it was that Garrus wanted to be, to do. He wanted to _help_ people. He didn't want to deal with rules that harmed the innocent and pardoned the evil. _That_ was the turian she fell in love with, the being that she adored.

She wasn't losing him to the sort of enemy she had been fighting for so long. Not when she was lucky enough to have Garrus, still alive and at her side.

As they neared their destination, Janelle cautiously glanced to the back seat, noting that Tali was even seeming tense and her hands fidgeting with her shotgun. She couldn't see the quarian's eyes, but she could feel them. She could feel the exact same cold worry in them as it enveloped her own body.

"There it is. That bastard Harkin… he'll finally get what's coming for him," Garrus broke through the heavy silence surrounding them as Janelle took his signal and lowered the shuttle to the ground. She would have said something, but the infuriated turian quickly unlatched the doors and stepped out, leaving the two women in his company with no other option but to follow him out.

It took no time for them to see their quarry, standing near a warehouse entrance, flanked by mercenaries.

"As if I wanted to see this scumbag," Janelle grunted, now feeling her own agitation in seeing Harkin before them. After the crude remarks he made the first time they met, she hadn't at all been eager for a second meeting.

She hadn't spoken loud enough for the mercs and Harkin to hear her, but she doubted then needed to hear anything to realize they had company. Not like the three of them were hiding or anything. And Harkin only needed one look to see who was before him…

"Shepard? Shit…" the racketeer hissed, shoving past a Blue Sun merc. "Don't just stand there! Shoot them!"

"Run all you want, Harkin! We'll find you!" Garrus cried out with eager bloodlust. Even though it chilled her bones once more, Janelle didn't have time to freeze. The three of them dove for cover, just as Tali summoned her combat drone. Her heavy pistol in hand, the infiltrator quickly used her omni-tool to send the other merc in flames before lining up a shot as the man writhed and screamed. She took down her foe just as Garrus fired a shot into the foe distracted by the drone.

There was barely a pause before the turian ran for the warehouse. Janelle and Tali both reacted a second too late and by the time they had entered after Garrus, there was a pile of fried mechs in a cargo crate while chaotic gunfire rung from just around a pile of crates.

"Dammit, Garrus! You're going to get your ass killed if you start rushing in headlong without us!" Janelle hissed as she took cover behind a row of crates by the turian while Tali sought shelter several meters away, distracting a large group of mechs with her drone. The human woman watched Garrus for a reaction to her words, waiting for him to say something even as she quickly looked over their cover to select a mech to hack and cause more distraction against their enemies. But Garrus said nothing as he careful, but swiftly took out the mercenaries, a bullet to the head each.

Once the firing stopped, Janelle quickly lashed out a hand and grabbed Garrus by the shoulder, forcing him to stay put as she glared into his sea green eyes. She wished she took that the moment to enjoy their appearance, but right now… she was furious.

"Garrus! Did you _fucking_ hear me? Don't you start ignoring me…"

"I'm not letting the asshole get away," the turian snarled, shoving away from her grip and standing. "And I'm not losing the chance to make Sidonis pay for what he's done."

"I'm not asking you to! I told you I'd help and you asked for it. All I'm telling you to is not to start running off ahead of us," she snapped, as she leapt from the crates after him and shoved him against some crates loaded on a transport vehicle. "And don't get bullheaded on me now!"

For a moment, they stood, their raging glares locked… before a tentative voice broke past the silence.

"Uh… if we're concerned about Harkin getting away, maybe we should stop fighting and head after him now…"

With a frustrated sigh, Janelle relented, backing away, but not taking her eyes off Garrus. He didn't drop his gaze either, but his shoulder did relax a bit. "Okay. You're right. But we better not let him get away."

"We won't," Janelle nodded. "You stick to sniping. Tali and I will move ahead. There's probably more mechs as we go on in and we can turn them against the mercs. And with Chikktika as well… it'll be easy to take out anything else."

"Fine," Garrus muttered with finality. Janelle could hear that he wasn't exactly pleased, but knew that he couldn't argue with her plan. And she wasn't about to cause more tension amongst them and instead turned to Tali, giving a nod and the quarian understood that it was time for them to move forward, her combat drone, Chikktika scanning ahead.

It took no time for them to run into another group of mechs and mercs. And in no time, that threat was eliminated as well. But before any of them had a chance to take a deep breath or step out from behind their cover, another wave of gunfire sounded and Janelle only poked her head from the side of the crate before her to catch a glimpse of legionnaires.

"Shit. Garrus, drop their shields," she growled, keying in her omni-tool to ready it for incineration.

The turian barely gave a nod before he quickly overloaded the legionnaires shields, then switched to his assault rifle and release short burst at each of their foe to dwindle down their shields even as Chikktika helped in that task.

"They're down Shepard," Garrus said as he fell back behind his cover.

Janelle gave a quick nod before seeing to it that one legionnaire was writhing in flames before she took a carefully aimed shot at his head. She had barely ducked down just in time to avoid the gunfire of the other legionnaire. And just then the ring of heavy fire sounded and Tali had taken care of that last annoyance with her shotgun.

Moving forward, they saw nothing else but a dead end… at least until Tali pointed out that it was just a raised bridge, the console connected to it nearby.

"Tali, see if you can get the layout of the warehouse at all from there. Let me know if you have any luck before we move forward," Janelle instructed before swiftly spinning around to face Garrus with a glare. "Don't even argue. If there's no other way out of here, then we don't have anything to worry about. If there is… then he's already stalled us long enough to get transport and run off somewhere else."

"Then we shouldn't be taking any chances and just press on forward without the need of the layout…"

"I'd like to know where the hell we're going and…"

"Hey you two! You can stop arguing!" the quarian called over to the both of them. "There's another entrance, large enough for the vehicles, but from the readings there are more mercs waiting for us. It would be pointless to leave behind more opposition if Harkin made a run for it. By now he would have put enough distance between us and him that there wouldn't be any need for concern."

"Then he's aiming to see us dead I bet," Shepard snarled, before turning to share an irate stare with Garrus. The anger wasn't focused on each other, but their obvious aversion of the other former C-Sec agent who had no good intentions as the turian did. "Tali, lower that bridge. I'm going to let that bastard know that I'm not dying again…"

Tali gave a quick nod and this time followed through, all three of them ready for the barrage of fire that greeted them as they were left exposed. But as soon as they could, they ran for cover, evading anything that would have been fatal.

"Status report," Janelle spoke over the radio, all three of them spread out and the air around them ringing with gunfire. She quickly sent an incinerating the first Blue Sun merc she saw, shortly noting that Chikktika was once again providing support and that one merc's head exploded just as she heard the heavy sound of a sniper rifle being fired. "Shields took a beating there for me."

"One bullet hit as my shields fell," Tali responded, but her voice was calm and was a telltale sign that there was nothing to worry about the quarian. "But it only grazed my arm. Suit's already sealed that section off."

"No problem here. Took a concussion shot, but it was nothing," Garrus notified the commander, just as he fired a shot again. A painful cry followed afterwards. "They've got a heavy defense set up here. They've got to be a protection force…"

"Harkin doesn't want us to get to him, but I bet he thinks that his numbers are going to stop us in our tracks," Janelle scoffed, quickly looking over the crate and getting in two headshots before she hid away again.

"Is he such a _bosh'tet_ to forget the odds we faced two years ago?" Tali muttered over the radio, giving a hiss as Chikktika lost power. "I really hate dealing with such idiots…"

"Especially when all they do is put up a display of annoyance," Janelle grumbled just as she and Garrus took down three more mercs – two by her of course. "Told you I'm better at headshots…"

"You're just lucky you don't have to pop the heat sink after every shot you take," the turian countered, the three of them standing and moving forward, stepping over the dead bodies.

However just as they were closing in on the other side of the room the air whistled violently… as a missile headed their way.

"Shit!" Janelle hissed just as they dove into a nearby cargo crate, barely avoiding the missile's splash damage. "This day just gets better and better. Now a fucking heavy mech… why can't things ever be simple?"

"Well, would this be half as fun if it were?" Tali questioned, her combat drone at full power again and the pink orb flared to life. "Go distract him, Chikktika," the quarian ordered before taking the chance to run out for a better vantage point as the drone engaged the mech.

"So… interested is seeing who can do the most damage on this sucker?" Janelle challenged Garrus, a smirk on her lips and her eyebrows cocked as she unlatched her own sniper rifle and extended it.

"And here I thought you were complaining," the turian returned, amusement in his tone which relieved Janelle, as she was glad to hear his anger had not invaded every aspect of him. Of course, her smirk was swiftly wiped of as her friend activated his omni-tool, and took a good portion of the YMIR mech's shields. "I think I just got one up on you…"

"Bastard," Janelle snarled… just as a voice screamed into her ear over the radio

"_Keelah_! The battlefield is hardly an appropriate place to be flirting, you two!" Tali chided, making both snipers jerk as she yelled. "Now would you get out here and help me out?! Before Chikktika loses power again!"

"Get moving, Turian," the human muttered, nudging him out of the crate. "I don't need a distraction to get to safety…"

"That's because you are one," Garrus returned with an amused voice even as he ran for a decent cover spot, far away enough that the mech couldn't close in too soon and close enough that he'd make it before the mech targeted him.

Still in the cargo crate, Janelle waited until the rest of her squad was peppering the YMIR mech, steadily taking down its shields before she made her dash for safety. She didn't do it too quickly as she knew that she was on the mech's sensors and its attention would be focused on her, letting her squad fire at it with relative ease. And she had no need to fear if the lumbering mech closed in on her, leaving her without cover.

Because as soon as it did, she had disappeared from its sensors… and her squad's sights. She activated her cloak at the last second, confusing the mech as his systems instantly began an analysis on the apparent anomaly, affording her team even more time to disable the shields as she made the quick dash for cover. She parked beside Tali, quickly lining up a shot before her cloaking faded and the mech's analysis figured out the problem.

"You know, I love it when you mess with those mechs' sensors," Tali said with obvious thrill, ducking down just before another missile was fired.

"Don't start being all friendly, Tali," Janelle muttered lowly, frustrated not only with what words the quarian had spoke to her and Garrus, but also because she realized that said turian was beating her at her own challenge. All because the damn mech had to be focused on her and Tali's position. "I'm going to have to have a talk with you later…"

"Oh please. Like you should be worried," the quarian scoffed, the both of them still remaining in cover as repeating fire rained down on their position. "You've been stalling long enough anyhow. If it gets you to confess sooner…"

"Tali! Not another word!"

"What the hell are the two of you talking about?!" Garrus's voice crackled over the radio.

Just before both women hollered "Nothing!"

It was only a short second after that when an explosion sounded just beyond Tali and Janelle. As they peeked out from behind the crates, all that remained of the YMIR mech were smoldering shards scattered across the floor.

"Looks like I got the points for that one… doing all the work while you two decided to be politicians and converse while there's hell around you," the turian muttered as he strode up to the two, his mandibles flexing with irritation. "What the hell was that about?

"And Tali… Shepard and I were not flirting…"

"That's what you think," the quarian grumbled beneath her breath before nudging her head in the direction they had planned to go before the YMIR mech had shown up. "So are we going to move on or have you forgotten why we're here?"

"Unlikely," said Garrus, but waved his rifle towards the quarian. "But why don't you go on ahead with Chikktika, make sure there's no nasty surprises ahead of us…"

"But let the quarian have to deal with them," Tali groaned even as she once more powered up her drone and scouted ahead of them. And as soon as her back was to them, Janelle realized that the turian had shut off his radio and stared down at her patiently, as if waiting for her to do the same.

"You know if there is anything ahead, shutting off our radios is a bad thing for Tali," she pointed out, even as she complied with his silent wish, already knowing where this was going. "And I thought you were eager to get to Harkin."

"I am, but I figure he wants us dead and he'll want to be here to see our corpses. It won't hurt him to make him wait," the vigilante shrugged as he looked over his assault rifle, just before his mandibles gave an uneasy twitch when he turned his gaze over to hers. "And since that means no real hurry… I just wanted to apologize. About getting angry…"

"Well… that would have been your ass, not mine," Janelle said with a smirk, before letting the mockery fell as she rested a hand on his arm. "But I understand. This whole situation can't be easy for you…"

"Doesn't mean I have to make things worse with what I'm lucky to have," Garrus murmured, looking ahead to where Tali had headed. They saw the quarian waving them over as she stood near a door. Although Janelle started to move ahead, the turian didn't. Instead he reached for her arm and held her back.

"Garrus? What's wrong?" Janelle asked, staring up at him with concern.

"That wasn't all, Shepard. I also wanted to say I'm sorry about that rumor still going around the Normandy," he explained hastily, his hand falling away. "I should have realized that something like that would have happened and…"

"Garrus, you don't need to say anything. Please," she interrupted, placing a finger over his mouth to silence him. "It doesn't bother me at all that people think that."

"It doesn't?" he questioned as his eyes gave a double blink, his startle apparent.

"No. Why should it?" she returned with a smirk, but her voice went somber promptly as she nudged him forward, noticing how Tali now had her arms crossed. "But… does it bother you?"

"Honestly? Hardly. I just…"

"Then why are we worrying about this?" she cut him off as they both continued forward, already feeling some tension ease from her shoulders, but now was hardly a time to relax… "We can deal with this after the mission anyhow. Before Tali sends Chikktika over here to move our asses…"

"She would, wouldn't she? You know, she's become much more… volatile in these last two years."

"Yeah, I wouldn't put it past her to pull her shotgun out on us these days," Janelle added with a smirk, which she still wore as they rejoined Tali, her foot tapping against the floor repeatedly, making the Spectre imagine that the quarian was probably glaring at the both of them. "Well, that wasn't a problem. No issues to deal with…"

"I'm glad," the younger woman muttered with agitation as she turned around and opened the door. "Didn't need anything getting in the way of your flirting, I bet. Now could we get a move on? And no more lovers quarrels that make you shut off your radios on me."

The reminder prompted the other two to reactivate their radios, sharing a questioning gaze with each other, but nothing was spoke as they followed the quarian into a small room, one that seemed set up like an office.

"What the hell is Harkin up to?" Garrus grumbled as he looked over the forged documents and IDs. "Pallin would have enjoyed seeing this though. He would have gladly put the ass away…"

"I'm surprised he never did. Heard enough that the bastard should have gotten his ass arrested," Janelle muttered as she was handed the documents and stored them away. She could probably hand them over to Bailey when they were done here. "I'm hardly surprised to see that Harkin's gone completely rogue…"

"Same here. He was always a pain in the ass to deal with and we certainly always clashed," the turian put in with a nod. "This time… he better cooperate or I'll happily beat him within an inch of his life."

She took notice that the turian moved to use a nearby panel to open the window shutters, but she herself turned to regard Tali, whose shoulders were stiffly set. Again Janelle felt that cold chill creep up her spine as worry settled in, not liking at all the way their turian friend was talking.

"Garrus, you seem to be getting tense…" she began as she moved t stand by him as his scanned the room beyond. She did as well, wondering if they could glimpse what was waiting for them. She didn't see anyone, but she knew better than to think no one… or nothing was out there.

Not a part of her imagined that Harkin was about to leave until he saw their corpses.

Whatever was out there was waiting and hiding, ready to ambush them and attempt to put them down for good.

"You think I should be calm and relaxed instead?" Garrus bit out rather brusquely, glancing at her from the corner of his eye before focusing forward again. "The asshole helped Sidonis disappear, the traitor that saw to my squad's death.

"But he better not get any wise ideas of tipping off Sidonis. Or I've got a bullet with his name on it…"

"Garrus, this isn't…"

She didn't get to finish her words, not as the betrayed man pushed her away from the window, as if in an attempt to keep them both from being seen by something on the other side. She looked over to Tali, who lingered on the opposite side of the window, her shotgun ready, just as Garrus readied his assault rifle.

"What? Did you see something?" Janelle questioned, retrieving her heavy pistol.

"It looks like an industrial complex out there," Tali spoke up, chancing a glance past the window. "I thought I noticed more heavy mechs, but I'm not sure…"

"That's what it looked like to me," Garrus agreed with a nod as an eager bloodlust seeped into his voice. "Harkin's getting ready for us… the asshole. And it looks like his got himself shoved in a corner, waiting. He must have more Blue Suns in there as well, thinking he's got all he needs to take us. I wonder if he'd still be so confident if he knew we took out the leader of this group on Omega, along with Eclipse and Blood Pack…"

"He's a _bosh'tet_. They never learn," Tali said. "If he had half a brain, he'd have given up by now…"

"You're probably right, but I agree with Garrus. Harkin is a pain in the ass. He never seemed to be one to cooperate easily," Janelle murmured, trying hard to repress a sigh of worry as she turned her gaze up to the vigilante's. "I'm sure you expect he'll be the same hard ass. You really are fine with torturing him to get what you want?"

"It will hardly be brutal for that coward. He'll talk long before I can really hurt him," the turian scoffed jadedly just as Tali peeked out past the window before crouching and making her way over to them. Garrus's gaze then turned to Janelle, a kind of cold fire in his eyes. "I don't see the point in 'protecting' him for any reason, Shepard. He's a real criminal now. This isn't just him making a profit for his sorry ass, but he's _working_ with the Blue Suns and using his knowledge of C-Sec's procedures to help criminals evade the punishment they deserve.

"Don't tell me you think that's something we should let him slide."

"You know that's not what I meant. But… do you need to hurt him to get what you want?"

"I'd rather just shoot him on sight," he continued with a grumble, looking away as his mandible flexed with agitation. "But I need him alive, so I can't do any permanent damage. Just enough to loosen his tongue.

"Happy?"

"I guess it's the best I can ask for right now," Janelle sighed before waving her teammates to the door on the far end of the room. "But… are you still planning to kill Sidonis when we find him?"

"You think I should spare him otherwise? He'll get a greater share of mercy from me than the men he betrayed. His death will be quick and painless. My men weren't lucky enough to be spared the agony of a slow death," he said, grabbing her by the shoulder and turning her around to face him, forcing her to see the anger and agony in his eyes. "I'm not doing this for some sick pleasure, Shepard. This is about what he deserves. He deserves an excruciating death, but I'm not in this for torture. As long as he's dead. As long as he's paid for the lives he ended…I'll be satisfied.

"Now tell me you never felt that Cerberus deserves the same for your lost unit."

"Even if I do, even if that's how I feel, you _know _that's not the kind of action I can take," Janelle shook her head, refusing to believe she was _anything_ like the real foe she was fighting, one not mortal, but possessed the mortal.

Yes, she hated and despised Cerberus and wanted to see the organization ended, having no issues with wanting to see to such herself. But not all of Cerberus's staff deserved to share the fate of her friends that died on Akuze. Kelly, Daniels, Donnelly, even Jacob and Miranda… they were all part of Cerberus. She didn't share their beliefs that Cerbus was a noble organization, at least in intentions, but she believed that all of her crew held noble intentions. She wasn't about to make them pay when it was desperation for a better life that led the people to Cerberus.

Could she blame Miranda for joining Cerberus to obtain protection from her father? How could she when the organization was even aiding Miranda's sister, Oriana, in avoiding their father's greed as well? And Jacob… he was sick of how the Alliance would drag their feet even when humanity was facing danger. How could she hold his decision against him when in all honesty, where else could the man turn to? At least Cerberus did attempt to get the job done.

And even Joker and Doctor Chakwas… they were old friends and part of Cerberus as well. How could she feel that they deserved the same that fate that her unit received?

"But regardless of how either of us feel about those experiences… Garrus, I'm not asking about what you think Sidonis deserves," she spoke in a quiet, but firm voice, feeling her body tremble as she just wanted to scream that she didn't want to lose him at all, in any way. She didn't want to see him becoming the sort of being Saren was. She didn't want to have 'Saren' part of her team. And she didn't want to fail Garrus by letting him become the turian her friend had despised in that first adventure together. She wished he could see and realize this, that his fury did not blind him.

"I'm asking: do you really think killing Sidonis will make things right?" she asked, repressing the desperation that she felt in her attempt to sway him without manipulating him to respond to feelings that weren't his own.

He gave a sigh and Janelle almost thought she felt his hand squeeze her arm, despite how his hand rested where her armor was reinforced by the hard, ceramic sheets. "I know you don't like it, Shepard, but I have to do this," he said softly. She almost didn't catch how broken his voice sounded and it was almost enough to make her reconsider her thoughts about Garrus's desire to see that Sidonis paid for his betrayal.

Almost.

"Is there no other way?" she whispered, resisting the urge to cover his hand with hers. Probably a good decision as his arm fell back to his side and he gripped his assault rifle with strengthen resolve.

"Maybe. But this is personal," he admitted, the gentle candidness replaced with a fierce determination as he moved past her… before turning his gaze back to hers. "I'll pull the trigger, Shepard. I'll live with the consequences. This isn't something you'll have to live with and regret. This is my decision and I'm not asking you to agree.

"All I'm asking is that you help me find him. Help me avenge the deaths of my men.

"Just as you said you'd see Williams death avenged…"

Repressing a sigh, Janelle turned away from Garrus's, refusing to meet with his gaze. She didn't want to continue this argument, to remind him that avenging Ashley's death wasn't because of her own anger at Saren – or herself. But the fact that Saren had to be stopped, that they couldn't allow him to make it possible for the Reapers to wipe out entire civilizations all over again. If Sidonis was truly as damning as Saren was, then perhaps there was no other option and she could live it that.

But right now… she didn't know that. And she didn't even know if Garrus knew either.

"We might as well go face Harkin, then. No point in turning back now," she spoke, now taking her chance to shove past Garrus and past the door into a smaller room. She turned to face Tali and Garrus once more, to give them instructions before heading out. "We'll switch things up a bit this time. Tali, you move ahead. Keep whoever is advancing distracted with Chikktika and anyone that gets past the drone, you should be able to handle with your shotgun. Shouldn't be much since Garrus and I will hang back, but we'll be sniping…"

"Great… so you're just going to continue you headshot contest. _Keelah_!" the quarian exclaimed with exasperation with made Janelle imagine that the younger woman was rolling her eyes. "At least you both are good at sniping otherwise I wouldn't be letting you play your games…"

"And why don't you be honest and admit you don't mind letting the games take place," Janelle murmured, nudging Tali with her elbow… and ignoring Garrus's confusion over the sudden lightness that had come over the Spectre. "Come on. Move out."

Garrus and Janelle had barely found cover before a barrage of gunfire was directed towards Tali. There was a spilt-second cry from Garrus of the target in his sights before that threat was eliminated. Janelle gave a curse under her breath, frustrated that again here she presented a challenge and Garrus was getting one up on her.

"What was that about you being a better shot than me?"

"Would you stop with the battlefield banter?!" Tali screamed over the radio just as a missile slammed near her location. "We've got mechs incoming! So don't mess around and get me killed!"

"Why is it no one is ever appreciative of attempts at being calm under fire?" Garrus returned with a heavy sigh… before another shriek filled both snipers' ears.

"Because it's my neck out here! And there's a commando ahead! Dammit! I'm pinned down good here!"

"And mechs incoming," Janelle growled lowly and glared over at Garrus, even if the turian wouldn't have noticed. "Garrus. You take out the mechs. I'll worry about the commando…"

"Surprised you're actually letting me have more kills…"

"You can overload their systems. I can't," Janelle growled past her grinding teeth, switching her rifle's ammo to disruptor and quickly adjusting her visor to aid in the targeting of the batarian commando. He was far off and taking him down would require slow, well-aimed shots. But sniping was the one thing that seemed to come naturally to her. And it wasn't long before his shields were down.

"I'm going on ahead. To get a better vantage to I can take down that heavy trooper," Garrus soon informed her, his task finished with the LOKI mechs.

"Just keep an eye out for more mechs if them come," she acknowledged, crouching down to hide completely behind the crate as the commando began firing, whittling down her shields.

She caught a brief glance of Garrus as he snuck away from his position and careful made his way towards one of the crate-laden platforms, those high stacks having protected him before from the missile, but made it impossible for the turian to remove the threat to Tali. It was the same for Janelle as well.

"Chikktika! Come on girl! Distract that merc," the infiltrator heard murmured in her earpiece, urging the woman to peek over the crate to see the pink combat drone float along to distract the heavy mercenary, making it all the easier for Garrus to snipe his target, something he had to do quickly not only because of the risk of being caught in a missile's blast, but he had no cover from the commando. In where he was.

No longer under fire herself, Janelle popped back up and got out a quick shot on the commando. Her shot only put a dent in the batarian's shoulder guard, but it was enough to delay the foe from firing and giving both snipers ample time to line up their shot.

Both the commando and heavy went down not a moment sooner… just as another wave of mechs was dropped.

"Can't these things just die!" Tali shouted, this time taking the opportunity to fire on the mechs, all of which were close to her. However, at least Chikktika still had some remaining power and helped in causing a distraction which lasted long enough for Garrus to switch to his assault rifle and lay down a barrage of fire on the LOKI mechs. Janelle placed a well-aimed shot in one of the mechs' heads, which was quickly followed by the other mechs becoming nothing more than scrap metal between Garrus and Tali's fire.

"All clear, Commander," Tali informed Janelle as both aliens stood and Garrus moved on up one platform.

"Unless more mechs are dropped. Besides… didn't you two say there were heavy mechs?"

"Haven't seen them yet," Garrus returned, moving on ahead of them as they continued across the room and over the raised platforms. "Maybe we're lucky and… Crap! Spoke too soon. Two heavy mechs! Incoming."

"Get your ass back up here!" Janelle shouted, dropping below a few crates on the top platform with Tali at her side, wrenching off her submachine gun fire on the YMIR's shields, the ammo already set to disruptor. "Tali! Get Chikktika out there to distract those damn synthetics!" she shrieked as the mechs already began to open fire on Garrus, the only one of them out in the open and from what Janelle could tell, it was only the two crates on the top platform with her and Tali that were any chance of decent cover.

She couldn't help but feel herself panic slightly, remembering how terrified she had been that first day she had seen him since the Normandy's destruction. Remembering how she had feared to have found him… only to lose him.

She wasn't losing him now.

"Turian! Move your ass!" she barked, ignoring her own shields as she continued to rain fire on the heavy mechs, Chikktika's power long gone and providing them no distraction.

However… Garrus finally scrambled back up to where Tali and Janelle were positioned and his first reaction was forcing the commander back down, no longer exposing herself to enemy fire as he took cover beside her.

"I understand your concern, Shepard, but getting yourself killed for my sake isn't about to help anything…" he chided before he quickly stood and fired against the YMIR mechs right before directing a tech mine to overload their shields. Then he was back under cover… as Shepard grabbed him by his armor's collar and dragged him back down.

"Don't get on my case, Garrus," she snapped as she glared at him, still keeping a hold on his armor. "You know I lost my unit, that I left Ashley to die on Virmire. That some of the people I thought knew me don't even trust me…

"You think I want to watch more people under my command die? That I want to lose another friend?

"I almost watched you die once, Garrus. I _don't_ want that again. I'd rather _die_ than watch that again…"

Though a sort of heavy silence did drift between the two of them as Garrus stared at her with startled eyes, no real silence could gain a foothold here. Not as two mechs continued to fire on them, sending a missile towards them racking the crates and forcing their focus back on the threat before them.

"I'm getting really sick of these damn synthetics," Janelle grumbled to herself, switching back to her sniper rifle, reloading her disruptor ammo before popping back up swiftly to get a shot in and bring down the shields of one mech. Without a second's delay, she deployed an incinerating drone to attack the mech's armor before she dropped back down and let her teammates do their part.

The crates continued to be racked by the mechs' rockets and they were constantly taking hits from the repeating fire when they tried to get in a shot, but from their vantage, there was nothing for the three of them to worry about. The YMIR mechs were as clumsy and unwieldy as they were powerful; there was no way for the synthetics to make their way up to the highest platform and despite the small amount of space the three had behind the two crates, it was enough that their position could not be compromised.

Thus it took no time before two explosions ripped before them, signaling the end of that arduous fight, more annoying than demanding.

And it certainly made their next foes no more than mere child's play…

Two LOKI mechs greeted them as they headed toward Harkin's position. But it took no more than a few swift, well-placed shots before the mechs were turned into burning metal piles, hardly causing a moment of hindrance as the three of them climbed up the crates, moving closer to room where Harkin had holed himself up in.

"I'll go around to the other side," Garrus murmured quietly to Janelle. "Make sure he can't get away from us…"

"Will do," she nodded, signaling for Tali to follow her as the turian swiftly, but noiselessly went on in the direction he had pointed out. Both women positioned themselves by the nearby door, one on each side. With a nod from the quarian, signaling her readiness, Janelle moved a hand to open the door.

"You were close, but not close enough," Harkin sneered as he caught the door's movement, already backing away to the other exit as Janelle trained her pistol on the rogue agent.

Of course his action didn't prove to be successful – for him. Not as the door came open and Garrus quickly stepped through, throwing his assault rifle up and ramming Harkin in the jaw. The man's hands went to his face as he stumbled back with a groan, but there was no moment of reprieve for the human male, except in the moment that the turian, replaced his assault rifle in its latch. But that was only a bare second as Garrus quickly seized his former coworker by the shoulder, shoving him forward before dragging him along as the turian grabbed the human by his abdomen.

Janelle gave a wince as Garrus slammed Harkin into the wall and shoved his forearm against the racketeer's neck, prompting her to turn to glance back at Tali, who trembled with the same apprehension the Spectre felt. Evident as the quarian was having a tough time replacing her pistol. She moved towards her friend, placing a calming and assuring hand on the engineer's shoulder, prompting a silent, but grateful nod from the younger woman. But it did not remove the concern from both of them as they turned to regard the two men in the room with them.

"So, Fade… couldn't make yourself disappear, huh?" Garrus mocked, a sneer clear in his voice. A sneer that sustained that shill in Janelle's bones even as she moved to stand beside the turian. She tried to tell herself not to worry about him, not to feel so anxious. Harkin was an ass, the sort that _should_ frustrate in any good man as the asshole only continued to bend and break the rules without regard to anyone but himself.

"Come on, Garrus. We can work this out. What do ya need?"

Though the attempt was clearly one with aim to save his own neck, more so than help another, Garrus backed off as he returned with surprisingly cordiality, "I'm looking for someone."

"Well, I guess we both have something the other one wants," Harkin said, rolling his neck back and forth, not at all seeming to believe he was in anymore trouble, his voice certainly sounding utterly blasé.

That was a mistake as his carefree voice must have triggered an anger in the turian, who was swift to close the space between them once again, attacking as well. This time kneeing the man in the groin – enough to make Janelle wince as she came to stand by Garrus – and letting the man fall to the ground, curling into a fetal position as he groaned.

"I'm not here to ask you any damn favor, Harkin. And there's nothing I owe you," Garrus snarled, his glare focused on the pained man. There was no mercy in the turian's voice and especially not in his heart, proven as he held out his pistol, aimed at Harkin's head. "But if you're planning on living to see tomorrow, you better tell me what I need.

"You helped a friend of mine disappear. I need to find him."

"I might need a little more information than that…" Harkin groaned, slowly getting back up to his feet, but still heavily slumped against the wall behind him, still groaning in pain.

"His name is Sidonis. Turian, came from the…"

"I know who he is," the criminal snapped, despite facing down a gun. "And I'm not telling you squat."

"Harkin, this doesn't have to be hard," Janelle responded, shielding her desperation from her voice, hoping not to see Garrus make Harkin's head explode from his raging emotions. Perhaps the man had one thing keeping him alive, the knowledge of Sidonis's location, but Janelle wasn't going to fully trust that fact.

Not as she knew that Garrus wanted blood for the lives of his dead squad. She didn't know whether or not Harkin's blood might be some drawn if Sidonis could not be found…

"Screw you," the rogue agent muttered with derision at the other woman in the room before turning his attention back to Garrus, replying with an amused sneer. "I don't give out client information. It's bad for business…"

The words were another mistake on Harkin's part and proven swiftly as the turian once again closed the distance between then with one step. Then in a flash, he grabbed the man by the neck, jerked him forward just as his knee connected with Harkin's gut. This time however, Garrus wasn't done when the man hit the floor.

Instead he moved to shove his foot down on Harkin's neck, but had been slow enough about it that the reclined man was able to struggle against what could have cost his life. Although it seemed to be a losing battle as Garrus continued to shove his foot down, snarling, "You know what else is bad for business? A broken neck!"

It didn't take Harkin's cry for survival to prompt Janelle to lay a hand on her friend's shoulder, though it certainly did only make her nerves grow colder. She truly couldn't believe how lost the man before her must be. She cursed herself for not being faster and climbing into that escape pod with Joker, for 'dying' that day… for leaving Garrus.

"You won't get anything if you kill him now, Garrus," she whispered softly, unable to restrain the concern in her voice. Especially as he turned around to face her. "And then this would be all for nothing…"

"Yea… you're right," he returned, almost regretfully, stepping back and no longer restraining Harkin, allowing the human to slowly get back up, though her lingered in a crouching state, his arm at his stomach.

"Terminus really changed you, huh, Garrus?"

"No, but Sidonis … opened my eyes," the vigilante returned, his voice mournful as if he was recalling the faces of his dead squad, the pain of those tortured. And Janelle only felt more certain that that was the case as a determined revulsion entered his tone now. "Now arrange a meeting."

Harkin didn't move immediately, still remaining close to the ground. Until Garrus kicked at him and pointed his pistol in the man's face.

"I'm going," the racketeer mumbled with defeat, gingerly getting up to his feet and shuffling his way to a terminal, making the call as demanded.

Though Janelle could hear the man's voice as he arranged the meeting, she hardly listened. Her eyes were on Garrus, watching him as he kept his eyes on Harkin. His mandibles gave a slow flex, one that Janelle worried was made out of relief and satisfaction. She felt that chill go up her spine once more… especially as she watched Garrus no longer watch his former coworker, but turn his eyes to the pistol still in his hand.

Her eyes flashed up to his, worried and terrified of the turian's intention. But he wasn't noticing her. He didn't see the shock in her eyes. She wanted to say something, try to make him think differently from whatever plans he had and would have. Until Harkin returned to stand before them.

"It's all good. He wants to meet you in front of Orbital Lounge. You've got a few hours," Harkin informed them, almost too casually, almost hiding the terror that showed in the slight tremble of his body. Those trembles didn't even fade as Garrus gave a nod. Instead the human man's voice only began to sound blatantly nervous. "So, if our business is done, I'll be going…"

Harkin's anxiety was far from in vain, well proven as the turian swiftly lashed a hand out and grabbed the man by his shirt, dragging him towards his captor. "I don't think so. You're a criminal now, Harkin."

"So what… you're just going to kill me? That's not your style, Garrus," Harkin pleaded and though there was determination within the man's eyes and voice, it did nothing to hide the fact that the man truly was desperately trying to save his own hide.

And it almost seemed for his attempt to work as a questioning silence settled within the room, Garrus stalling before he finally released Harkin. But it was only _almost_ a successful attempt…

"Kill you? No," the turian shook his head, sounding to be savoring this moment to a point that panicked Janelle. Especially as she watched as both his hands settled on the pistol and raised it just slightly… "But I don't mind slowing you down a little."

She leapt at him, shoving his arms to the side and up and not a moment too soon. The gun fired, but Harkin was spared of the wound he would have received.

"Garrus. Don't. There's no need to shoot him," she reasoned, still having a strong grip on his wrist, not at all feeling threatened, even as his angry green eyes bore into hers. She wasn't going to back down, not as she saw that her friend wasn't acting on his desire for justice, but simply malice. For the simple lust for violence.

But she did almost flinch away, almost feel her heart tremble with weakness.

As her eyes could almost quite clearly see Saren standing before her…

"He won't be able to hide from C-Sec now," she assured, grinding her teeth and forcing herself to come to grips with her fear. Garrus wasn't Saren and she wasn't going to let him be. And she knew… if Garrus could see what she did, he would have stopped this.

But telling him outright, he wouldn't agree with her, he wouldn't see as she did. He needed to see for himself, realize as events played out before him.

He needed to feel the fact that he was becoming the turian he once claimed to despise.

"He's not worth your time, Garrus," she added with finality, watching as his mandibles vibrated with irritation…

And capitulation.

"Fine," he growled, struggling against her grip before finally shoving her away… and replacing his pistol as he turned to Harkin and snarled with reluctance. "I guess it's your lucky day."

"Yeah, I hope we can do this real soon," Harkin replied with a nod and mockery. Mockery that made Janelle roll her eyes…

And not care as Garrus slammed his head against the criminal.

"You asked for that, asshole," she muttered at the bowled over man before turning to the turian and nudging her head towards the door. "Come on. Let's move. I've seen enough of this bastard."

The turian gave a conceding nod and followed her towards where Tali waited for them, the three of them making their way to the warehouse's exit and back to their waiting shuttle.

"There… I didn't shoot him," the turian responded as they returned to the set up of platforms, his voice rather light and humorous. Something that made Janelle smile as she turned her gaze up to his.

"Did I voice any complaints?" she challenged, feeling slightly better, but there was still a cool fear gripping her heart as they continued forward. "Like I said… he asked for it. You don't provoke someone that's just turned down hurting you. I'm just glad that C-Sec will get him and we should be rid of him. Hopefully."

"Hopefully," Garrus agreed with a nod… before the menace slipped back into his voice as he glared forward, no longer facing her. "Unless this doesn't go as it should. Because if Sidonis isn't there… I'm coming back to finish the job."

* * *

**Endnote:** Eh... nothing? I had fun writing the chapter, especially with the few interactions from Tali, but that's all I can think...

R&R


	5. Tension

**Misc: **GAH!!! So how long has it been since the last update? Oyi! Sorry. I've had a hectic week with my art classes and also a period of writer's block as my brain is trying to juggle the plots of three different stories, all of which just hit a point of 'where-the-fuck-do-I-go-from-here?!' This one included since I was stuck on a line, but it has quickly been resolved. ^_^

So this chapter is back to the shortness of Chapter One, a relief for me. I'm trying to write shorter chapters aside from the big-ass pieces I tend to do. I tend to write too much. XP Also, I'm still trying to keep the chapters short so that I don't start killing myself trying to update this story while school is going on.

So conclusion with the Sidonis mission, but other than that, I don't know what to say... at least until the endnote...

* * *

**Chapter Five**

If the ride to the factory district had been tense, the ride to Orbital Lounge was even worse. The air within the shuttle was so thick with anger, anxiety, and frustration… Tali felt like she was suffocating. Even within her enviro-suit. Whatever lightness had been shared between Garrus and Shepard was gone now. Instead, all three of them were silent and not a single one of them seemed able to relax. But the two in the front looked worse than Tali herself felt. She couldn't help but wring her hands and fiddle with her omni-tool, just trying to draw her attention somewhere else, to forget what exactly was about to happen and how worried she really was. But while Garrus and Shepard were the ones worrying the quarian, it was impossible for her to forget.

It was a few hours later now and they were all aware of the plan and their parts. It was simple really. Garrus would find a decent vantage point to observe all that happened in front of Orbital Lounge. That left Shepard and Tali to head in to meet Sidonis, posing as Harkin's agent and her tech assistant respectively; all they had to do was lead Sidonis out into the open, straight into Garrus's line of shot. If things went according to plan, there would be no need for the women to battle; still… both of them had their heavy pistols and omni-tools at their disposal, just in case.

However, Shepard was planning to keep a low profile, to keep from drawing more attention than necessary and no longer was she wearing her armor. Instead she wore a civilian ensemble of a jacket, shirt, and pants – which subtly hid the human's high-heeled boots. It was rather surprising for Tali to see her friend appearance so casual and fashionable; there had only been one time she remembered seeing Shepard in civilian wear and that had been the small celebration they had had two years ago after the Battle of the Citadel.

If she could calm her trembling body, Tali figured she'd be inwardly chuckling at the notion of Shepard taking the chance to 'dress up' for Garrus. But with things as they were… she didn't know if that could be the case.

Although Shepard had just bought the outfit…

"Harkin's a bloody menace. Why the hell did we let him go like we did?"

The frustrated snarl from the front seat almost made Tali jump as she jerked from her ruminations and stared ahead at the other two. Garrus was facing Shepard, glaring. But the commander didn't seem to notice the stare she was receiving as she continued to drive, her focus straight ahead; but Tali could see that the commander's stiffly set shoulders said that she was clearly aware of the glower set on her.

"You're still bothered by that?" Shepard questioned, her voice carrying a nonchalant quality that almost fooled Tali. "Forget about him. I told you. C-Sec will get him and he won't get away this time."

"Forgive me if I don't have the utmost faith in C-Sec…"

"I understand that thought, but I doubt Bailey will want to let Harkin off," Shepard countered before turning to regard the turian for a moment before her eyes were on the traffic before them. "Just let it go, Garrus. It's not healthy to focus to the ass. You were hard enough on the guy…"

"What? You think I shouldn't have been? That he didn't deserved it?" the vigilante questioned, his voice low and a faint hint of dangerous anger licked his tone.

"Garrus… I would have _loved_ to make Harkin pick his teeth up off the floor ever since that first meeting with his crude remarks, but did you see me acting on that sentiment?" the human returned, again glancing back at the turian, concern in her dark brown eyes. "It's not what Harkin deserves that's the issue though, Garrus. It's just… the way you were acting… it wasn't like you…"

Garrus's immediate response was a scoff and an irritated twitch of his mandibles before he was facing forward again. "What do you want from me Shepard? What do you expect me to be? And after everything Sidonis did…

"You think I should just forget what Sidonis did? Like how you forgot what Cerberus did?"

"I _never_ forgot what they did," Shepard snapped just as she gave a jerk at the controls and made the shuttle lurch, much to Tali's discomfort. But the quarian was too apprehensive to say anything. She just wasn't interested to get in between a fight taking place between the woman that saw to a Reaper's death and a man who had been enough of a threat to gain the hate of three major merc groups and hold against them on his own for so long.

So she remained silent, continuing to listen to the argument taking place as there was nothing to distract her.

"But how does it make any better to let that tragedy take over your life? How am I proving myself to be better than Cerberus by letting the thought of vengeance against them eat up my life?"

"This isn't about vengeance, Shepard. It's justice," Garrus snarled, shocking Tali to really hear such menace focused towards Shepard from the turian. It wasn't that surprising given that she could see how a seemingly careless thought towards the men that had died might set him off. But this was Commander Shepard. Insults and insensitivity were hardly facets of the human's personality.

"How else is Sidonis going to answer for his crime if I don't bring him to justice? Nobody else knows what he's done. Nobody else cares…" the turian paused, his voice trailed away from his violent anger and instead being replaced with a hint of sorrow. And as surely as Tali caught it, so did Shepard, as she turned to regard Garrus, just before she landed the shuttle. But if she had anything calming to say, Garrus spoke again, the grief gone as resolve settled back in. "I don't see any other options."

The infiltrator gave a sigh as she looked around their surroundings, her eyes lingering on the lounge before them. Then her gaze was back on Garrus, her voice soft as she said, "Garrus… let me talk to him. Maybe we…"

But the turian didn't seem to hear her words – or want to – as he leaned back in his seat and stared upwards, his voice not at all giving a hint of relenting. "Talk all you want, but it won't change my mind. I don't care what his reasons were, he screwed us… he deserves to die."

"Garrus… please…" the human woman pleaded, her hand raising and freezing before she let it fall back into her lap as she bit her lip. It worried the quarian to see Shepard like this. She felt horrible for the Spectre, thinking how the woman had realized and accepted her feelings for the turian, only to watch him fall away from the person they once knew. "Look… you _know_ I know what you're going through. You know I can't stand being associated with Cerberus like I am now. That I feel like I turning my back on my unit… on Toombs…"

"That's why I'm not backing out of this, Shepard. Sidonis is paying for what he did. I'm _not _betraying my men…"

The woman gave a sigh, turning her gaze back before them as she leaned back into her chair, remaining silent for a moment before she spoke again. "Garrus… do you really want to kill him? Are you sure about this?"

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm not you."

"And this isn't you either."

To that, the turian gave a scoff, keeping his gaze away from Shepard even as he returned. "Really? How? I've always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this…" He shook his head before another glare was focused on their commander, letting his tone fully express his aggravation in meeting hindrance. Especially from the one person Tali_knew_ he admired. "Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves? I'm sorry, Shepard," he shook his head again before keying the latch release on shuttle's console and getting up from his seat. "Words aren't going to solve this problem," he closed the conversation hastily, already retrieving his sniper rifle. "I need to set up. You better go. He'll be here soon."

If Shepard had hoped to say something – which Tali was certain of, given the sigh to leave the woman – she apparently knew better – something Tali had expected. Instead the human signaled the shuttle's top to cover once more before she directed the vehicle to head in closer to their destination.

And the closing to distance had finally forced Tali to break her silence.

But not before silencing her – and Shepard's – radio.

"Tali? What…" the infiltrator began, jerking around to face the quarian for the slightest moment before turning back around.

"Shepard, _please_. Tell me you're not going to let Garrus do this," Tali quickly interrupted her friend, leaning forward , feeling her body tremble with urgency and anxiety – something she knew Shepard was feeling as well. "You wouldn't him fire the first shot against Dr. Saleon. Tell me you're not going to let that happen this time as well…"

"I… I don't want to," Shepard murmured, her hands trembling at the controls, making her touchdown with an uncomfortable jerk. An uncomfortable silence passed between them, Shepard's hands still outstretched as if she was left in a state of shock. Somehow, Tali didn't doubt that the notion was far from reality. Even the slow shake of the woman's head seemed to be made out of disbelief. "I… I understand how he's feeling. I want Cerberus gone as well. I can't stand by their methods and I can't stand working with them. And… I also feel like no one cares about the atrocities the organization has committed. How can people claim Cerberus has noble intentions when they saw to the deaths of fifty men all for the sake of an 'experiment?'

"But it won't make me a better person to take 'justice' in my own hands. Especially by killing people that don't deserve to die…

"And if I did take it into my own hands… I'd be treading too close to vengeance. Which is what Garrus is doing…"

"You don't like this at all, do you? You don't like seeing Garrus like this..." Tali said, already aware of the answer.

"I hate seeing and thinking that life only seems to destroy everything I thought was and everything that I enjoyed. I don't want to see Garrus be one of those casualties," Shepard murmured, popping the cover and moving out onto the walkway before Orbital Lounge. She looked around as Tali also stepped out and the commander's hand went her omni-tool. "Come on… better turn back on the radios before Garrus gets frustrated…"

Tali gave a nod and followed through with the directive… immediately being met with the turian's impatient voice.

"Shepard, can you hear me? What's going on…"

"Radio glitch," Shepard cut in as both women proceeded to the lounge. "It was nothing. Don't worry about it. Besides… matters at hand… do you see him?"

There was a groan from the turian before he spoke in a blank, even voice, "Right over there. The turian sitting and hunched over. Wave him over and keep him talking."

"Right. Well… time's up," the commander murmured, glancing over nervously to Tali. The quarian still felt the same as well, more so than before because now they did not have the freedom to speak their mind.

But this was Commander Shepard. If she set her mind to something… it was hard for anything else to happen.

Tali had to trust that. And she did. She knew she did, even as she watched Shepard signal Sidonis that she was here to meet him. Though it didn't stop her from feeling a twinge of uncertainty pulse through her as the traitor moved to stand before them.

"Let's get this over with," Sidonis said quickly, whatever forced calm in his voice diminished by the clear edgy urgency present about him. Very evident in the slight twitches of his body, how he continued to shift his weight from one said to the other, and his impatient glances around him.

Something about the turian… it left Tali feeling uncertain if Sidonis was really anything like the traitor Garrus painted him as. He was certainly no heartless brute; they tended to be cocky. And well-seasoned criminals – the smart kind – they knew better than to betray any sense of emotion as well as hid their ever vigilance.

If Tali had to say anything, Sidonis seemed… amateur.

She knew he was part of Garrus's squad on Omega and didn't believe that the man was an amateur in the way of guerrilla-type warfare. But… she got the sense that this turian knew nothing of how to go about after a betrayal – thus this was his first. And the fact that the man didn't seem to carry himself in a haughty, arrogant way, she didn't believe that the man had commit the act with any pride.

She didn't know exactly what she thought of Sidonis; she just wondered how guilty the turian was of his crime.

"You're in my shot. Move to the side," Garrus's voice warned in her ear, shifting the young woman's gaze back up to the elder, wondering what Shepard's response would be…

"Listen, Sidonis. I'm here to help you," the commander started, her own voice even and blank, as if there had been nothing troubling her prior to this moment. Or as if she had made her final decision.

There had always been a calm about Shepard the moment her mind was set, no matter the issue.

But Sidonis was far from calm and only adding to Tali's opinion that he was a terrified amateur as he leaned forward and whispered, "Don't ever say that name aloud. I don't need you blowing my cover…"

But Shepard seemed to have gone deaf, as her brown eyes went dark with severity, speaking with words that did not heed the turian. "I'm a friend of Garrus's. He wants you dead, but I'm hoping that's not necessary."

"Dammit, Shepard!" the mentioned turian barked over the radio, clearly sounding infuriated, almost causing Tali to jerk and look towards him, worried by how angry the vigilante was now. "If he moves, I'm taking the shot."

But while Sidonis was wary of the threat his life was in, he remained obvious… and unbelieving of Shepard's claim. "Garrus? Is this some kind of joke?" He watched Shepard, her gaze hard on him, challenging his claim at 'joking.' It was enough to make him realize he wasn't lucky enough for this to be a joke. "You're not kidding, are you?" he then murmured before taking a step back and waving a dismissive hand. "Screw this. I'm not sticking around here to find out. Tell Garrus I had my own problems…"

"Don't move," the Spectre snarled lowly, grabbing hold of the turian's shoulder.

"Get off me!"

But again, the human did not heed him. Not as she informed him in a low voice still possessive of threat, "I'm the only thing standing between you and a hole in the head."

"Fuck," was all that escaped the turian, realizing his current predicament and his gaze fell and he shook his head. After a groan, his eyes were back on Shepard, desperation seeping into his voice as he began to plea. "Look… I didn't want to do it. I didn't have a choice."

"Everyone has a choice," Garrus snarled over the radio, making Tali grow nervous, hearing how unwilling he was to give Sidonis a chance.

"They got to me. Said they'd kill me if I didn't help. What was I supposed to do?"

"Let me take the shot, Shepard," Garrus pressed, his voice riddled with disgust, disgust even Tali felt. After all, after her all her years as a quarian, living with the thought of the whole of the Fleet before an individual… 'saving one's neck' at the expense of many was unacceptable, damning. "He's a damn coward."

But Shepard still didn't budge, staying in front of Sidonis, continuing to block Garrus's sights by moving with the turian as she moved to stand by some railing. But though she continued to prolonge the man's life, her own disgust did not go unheard. "That's it? You were just trying to save yourself?"

"I know what I did," the turian returned, his voice heavily and broken, making it hard for Tali to come to a conclusion herself as to what should be done. She had been beginning to believe that Garrus was right ; Sidonis deserved death – though she just did not feel comfortable with seeing how vengeful their turian teammate was becoming. However again, Tali was wondering if Sidonis had paid enough for his deed; if he was living the equivalent of a quarian's exile… "I know they died because of me, and I have to live with that. I wake up every night. Sick…and sweating. Their faces staring at me. Accusing me. I'm already a dead man. I don't sleep. Food has no taste. Some days I just want it to be over…"

"Just give me the chance," the vigilante pressed, almost too eagerly…

And enough to prompt Shepard to voice her refusal to the notion.

"You've got to let it go, Garrus," she murmured, shaking her head as she kept her eyes on the pathetic looking turian before her. "He's already paying for his crime."

"He hasn't paid enough. He still has his life…"

"Look at him, Garrus," Shepard instructed, turning to face the direction their turian friend was in and waving a hand at his target. "He's not alive… there's nothing left to kill."

"My men… they deserved better," he pleaded, anger, desperation, frustration… all quite evident and even Tali had to admit… Garrus was right.

But the former C-Sec officer's words were interrupted and silenced as all three of them returned their attention to the turian traitor, his voice low, but somehow gaining all of their attention.

"Tell Garrus… I guess there's nothing I can say to make it right…"

And with the sigh that sounded in her ear, Tali could imagine that Garrus had lowered his rifle with defeat. "Just… go. Tell him to go…"

The engineer watched as the commander nodded her head, subdued and with no real sign of emotion, be it relief or disgust. And neither was there any in her voice as she informer the turian before the women, "He's giving you a second chance, Sidonis. Don't waste it."

He stood and nodded, moving a step closer to Shepard and speaking loudly, "I'll try, Garrus. I'll make it up to you somehow." He gave a sigh, stepped back and nodded before adding in a soft, grateful voice, "Thank you. For talking to him."

Shepard simply nodded and watched as the turian walked off. She remained standing and staring after Sidonis as he walked off, even after he could no longer be seen. Tali would have spoken, tried to call Shepard's attention back to the present, but she didn't dare. After all the tension that had been present during this situation… the commander deserved a chance of her own quiet relief.

"Hey Tali…" Shepard finally spoke, turning her attention to her omni-tool, her fingers moving to silence her radio again. The quarian took the hint and did the same, her focus on the commander, curious as to what was to be said now. "Do you mind going on ahead to the Normandy? I'm thinking that Garrus isn't going to want an audience…"

"I know I wouldn't," the quarian agreed, but her voice wasn't nearly so somber as Shepard's had been. It was picking up an amused quirk, something also present as she smirked – thought that wasn't something Shepard was able to see. "But I have to ask… do you have something else planned that you need some privacy with the turian?"

"That kind of info is on a 'need-to-know' basis. Can't tell you." But the smirk on the infiltrator's lips told Tali all she needed to know…

"Well… don't let me be the one to hinder the fun," the quarian teased as she went on ahead to find herself a new shuttle. "Enjoy yourselves, Commander…"

"Wait a sec, Tali," Shepard called out, dashing forward a bit and taking hold of the engineer by the wrist. "One more favor. Do you think you can take the shuttle we already used and drag my armor back into the Normandy with you? I've just got a feeling that by the time Garrus and I get back… I won't be in the mind to remember it…"

Though most facial expressions Shepard could not see, Tali was certain that the commander could see how wide her eyes had gotten. "Okay… now you know you are going to _have_ to tell me what's going on… or at least what happens when you get back."

"Maybe… if I feel like it," was all the infiltrator added before releasing Tali and going on to find herself a new shuttle while the quarian returned to the one they had already rented, already feeling a twinge of aggravation as her mind grew too curious of whatever Shepard had planned…

* * *

**Endnote:** So am I evil or just not as cool as I think I am. :( Poohie. Yea... I would have added the next part, but I imagine it'll get rather lengthy with my plans. And as I said with school, smaller chapter work better for my hectic mind.

So... hoping that Tali's POV was fine and that her thoughts didn't stray. And sorry she didn't have much of a say, but in that situation... can she? Still wanted it in her POV.

As for what's going to happen... I shall not say, except it will be something of a relief for me. Interpret that as you please. XP

R&R

Oh, lastly a note to any readers of 'To Survive'... Chapter 6 has also been victim to writer's block and that's the biggest reason I haven't updated. I'm starting to get past the problem so hopefully I'll be able to get that posted at least during Spring Break. So glad Spring Break is coming up...


	6. Unwind

**Misc:** Before I say anything else, I'm gonna thank everyone that has faved, subscribed, and reviewed this story. I'm seriously amazed at how well it's doing. Extremely better than anything else I've posted. I'm just hoping I can keep you entertained to the end of the story.

So here it is... the next chapter, one that I've been wanting to write. I rather enjoyed this one and I hope you will too. This chapter is something of a relief for me and makes me happy. Hopefully the same can be said for you. :3

* * *

**Chapter Six**

It was another confrontation that Janelle wasn't looking forward too. She knew that the right thing had happened, but she felt like she had just about forced Garrus to spare Sidonis's life. Not exactly though. She had stepped aside. He had a chance to kill the turian… and he didn't. She hoped that meant he realized why he couldn't, shouldn't…

And that her fear that he was mad at her would be unfounded.

By God, she hoped he wasn't mad at her.

But Janelle still wasn't sure whether or not her fear was in vain as she parked the shuttle on the landing dock where Garrus waited for her. Although watching how he closed in towards the shuttle with heavy, hasty strides… it was enough to make the human gulp as she popped the lid and stood up.

"I know you want to talk about this… but I don't," he stated in a huff as he came to stand before her. The gruffness of his voice, prompted Janelle to freeze and regard him carefully. If any evidence of her uncertain fear was evident, it was probably what caused Garrus's manner to soften as he gave a sigh and looked away. "Not yet at least. Let's get going. I need some distance from this place."

"I won't complain with you there," she nodded, climbing back into the shuttle and waiting for the turian to join her before she lowered the cover. Though she didn't start the shuttle yet. "Um… Garrus, are you sure? That you don't want to talk? Might be nice to get it out of your system…"

"Maybe…" he murmured slowly, pondering her words, before shaking his head. "No. Not right now. Give me some time to think about it. Let's just get back to the Normandy…"

"Well… actually, I was wondering if you would mind that we stalled returning to the Normandy for now," she cautioned slowly, hoping that she wasn't going too far with the suggestion she was about to make. "Look… things have been tense. For the both of us. Maybe a chance to cool down and unwind would be good for us. We can get some drinks. My treat," she added with a grin as she kept a tentative gaze on him, hoping that he didn't think she was trying to come up with a ploy to press him into talking to her about his attempt to kill Sidonis – and how she got in the way.

But considering the skeptic way his eyes regarded her, she figured that was exactly what he thought.

And his words confirmed that. "Right… that's why you sent Tali on ahead to the Normandy. Yea, you've got no intentions of trying to get me intoxicated, loosen my tongue, and get me to talk to when I don't want to. If this was just a friendly session of bull, I don't see why you'd send Tali off. You've got something planned…"

"Aside for not wanting to pay for more people than I have to?" the former Alliance soldier returned with a cocked brow, but let the sarcasm fade away as she went on somberly and softly, "Garrus, if you want to talk about this, you can. That's why I did send Tali on ahead. If you're going to talk, I don't want to make you feel like you have an audience.

"_But_ if you don't want to talk, then don't. I really do just want a chance for us to relax with all the stress we've _both_ been dealing with. I'm not about to try to force you to say anything… yet," she added with a smirk before she was serious again. "Eventually, you probably should talk about it, but… I'll give you some time to think about it before I bug you."

"So how much time is that? A few minutes?" he returned, not at all sounding annoyed.

"Try to get on my nerves, Turian, and you'll be lucky to be granted a few seconds," she challenged with mock aggravation… mockery he quickly picked up on as he gave a casual laugh.

"You'd think that I'd be aware not to cross you," he said before giving a nod, his mandibles relaxed as he watched her in something much like a smile, Janelle had come to realize. "And I suppose I should know better than to turn down the chance to get treated by the famous Commander Shepard. I should feel honored by your very presence…"

"Oh shut up!" the infiltrator gasped, playfully punching Garrus's arm for his mockery of Conrad Verner, inciting another laugh from the turian as she keyed the shuttle to take off and drove to Level 28 of Zakera Ward, Dark Star Lounge being her destination. "Please… the last thing I need to worry about is _you_ becoming the insane fan Verner is…"

"Admit it, Shepard… you enjoy the attention," the vigilante teased as he leaned back in his seat. "I've never known a woman that didn't care for – or appreciate – boundless attention…"

"Oh, so are you claiming yourself as some expert on women now?" she challenged, raising an eyebrow, but forced to keep her eyes on the traffic ahead.

"Just a general observation," he returned nonchalantly, giving a shrug that Janelle caught out of the corner of her eye. "Just give a girl the right kind and right amount of attention and then it's not at all difficult to win her over."

"Oh? So is there a story behind that?"

"Not one you'll get to hear today. Besides… you're not getting anything until I get that drink you promised."

"I never actually _promised_ to buy you a drink…" she reminded with a smirk.

But Garrus didn't seem fazed. Instead he only gave another blasé shrug, continuing in a voice just as relaxed and even, "Not word for word. But Commander Shepard is a woman of her word. And you _did_ say it'd be _your_ treat.

"So for the great Commander Shepard… that's as good as a promise," he added in a cocksure voice.

"Fine fine," Janelle gave in, but only conceding because of a certain annoyance… "Now would you stop calling me 'Commander Shepard' like that? Especially when you add an adjective before it like 'great.' That only makes it worse."

"Now why does that bug you? You must know how great you are. 'Hero of the Citadel'…"

"Garrus…"

"Or do you prefer 'Savior of the Council?'"

"Neither."

"Oh, so you're being modest. Now how can I deny your status as the great Commander Shepard…"

"Garrus!" Janelle finally gave a frustrated shout as her hands jerked and the shuttle followed the motion, once again. But this time the lurch was more acute and even the infiltrator was reeling as she steadied the shuttle again – just barely evading an accident.

"You need to stop hacking these shuttles so that you can drive them," Garrus grumbled as he resituated himself in his seat. "Weren't those that complaints you got from those drives in the Mako enough to tell you you're a rotten driver?"

"Hey. Speak properly to your commander, Turian."

"Just reminding you so that we don't die in something so… civilian as a vehicle accident rather than going down in flame and glory fighting the Collectors…" he teased with amusement. "If I'm going down… it better be epic…"

"Like taking on three major merc groups on Omega single-handedly?"

"Exactly. Though you messed up that opportunity. Gotta look for another…"

"You're impossible," Janelle shook her head, grinning and glad for the lightness between them… although the last topic did bring sobriety upon her. "Garrus… honestly though… what do you think our chances are against the Collectors? Do you really think we're all going to die?"

He gave a reluctant sigh, obviously regretting having reminded her of that issue. But he made no complaints as his voice became solemn. "Honestly? An enemy with advanced technology, traveling to an unmapped region… we're going to lose people. There's no way around that." He paused and the woman caught a glimpse of how he turned to regard her. She also turned to face him, meeting his regretful gaze for only a split second. But that had been enough for her to realize that he knew he had reminded her of a painful memory. "Sorry, Shepard. I know that after Virmire… you don't want another lost under your command, but… it might be too much to hope for that possibility."

She gave a subdued nod, trying to press from her mind the notion that she was about to fail Ashley's memory. She vowed not to let another under her command fall. She didn't want another Akuze happening and…

She didn't want to think that now she risked losing Tali and – a thought that almost broke her – Garrus.

"But Shepard… if there's one thing you've proved... it's that you can do the impossible," the turian said softly, drawing her back out of her morose thoughts. "After all… the Reapers haven't had any real opposition until you. Even if it's true we didn't stop the Reapers completely two years ago, you sure as hell kept them from coming when by all means… you shouldn't have…"

"Garrus, it's also because of the Protheans' efforts," Janelle countered. "If they hadn't…"

"And their efforts would have been undone if _you_ hadn't stood against Sovereign, despite the odds."

"I didn't do it alone. You guys helped. All of you…"

"And without you, not a single one of our efforts would have amounted to much." He gave a soft chuckle and a swift glance let Janelle see how the turian's mandibles were relaxed once more. "See? There you are being modest again. Just accept the fact that you're a goddamn hero and you're always going to have a legacy following you.

"Besides, it's rather pointless for you to worry about this sort of thing, isn't it? After all… the Collectors killed you once and all they did was piss you off. I can't imagine they can do anything to stop you this time."

"All right. Fine. You win," she groaned with a roll of her eyes as she looked back at him for a moment, cocking a brow. "Happy, Turian?"

"Ecstatic," he chuckled again was amusement before his voice was serious once more. "But either way… if I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about what's ahead of us. You'll get us through, Shepard. You always have.

"Hell… things didn't go as I planned, but… you still helped me out with Sidonis. In more ways than I hoped…"

Taken off guard, Janelle didn't have a chance to repress the jolt her body made, not expecting to hear Garrus willingly – and quickly – bring up the topic of what just happened.

"Garrus… if you don't want to talk about this…"

"No. You're right, I need to talk about this. Sooner or later. And might as well go with the sooner," the turian shook his head before giving a sigh and throwing his head back. "I just don't know what to think about what happened…"

"Garrus… I know it didn't go the way you planned, but I think it's for the best," she tried to assure him, softly and gently, even as she landed the shuttle, having reached their destination. But she made no attempt to break off the conversation. Besides, at least they weren't in the middle of a crowd talking about this…

"Maybe, but… Shepard, I want to know I did the right thing. Not just for me… for my men."

"To avenge them?" she whispered in a question even though they both knew that was the precise reason. "Vengeance is a dangerous thing, Garrus. Even for the right reasons, it can eat you up alive and you'll be lost to it. You'll kill in cold blood and that kind of killing is addictive."

Another sigh escaped the turian. "And if I kept with the killing… I'd be no better than Saren…"

Janelle gave a sullen nod, watching her friend and wishing desperately that so many things didn't have to seem to be governed by a chance of fate. Like if Sidonis had never gotten himself cornered, none of this would be an issue.

Of course… even meeting Garrus had been a twist of fate, for him to be the officer assigned to the investigation, to be so dedicated and passionate to pursue a lead despite being told his investigation was over… for him to have even desired to join her.

Fate was as cruel as it was generous… and Janelle hated that…

"I'm sorry, Garrus. I am. About all of this," she whispered, unable to restrain herself from reaching a hand out and resting her palm on his shoulder. "What you wanted, the justice for your men… it wasn't a wrong desire. Unfortunately… it just seemed like to get it, you'd be sacrificing more than anyone would want you to.

"You're a good man. I don't want to see you lose that.

"And neither would your men."

"Yeah, I know," he gave a slow, slight nod, still keeping his eyes focused past the shuttle's transparent roof. "I still hate that I couldn't make Sidonis pay for what he did to my men, _our_ squad.

"But when you stepped aside, when he was finally in my sights… I just couldn't do it."

"It's harder to declare justice when we're faced with people we know," she said, her voice still soft as she squeezed the ablative ceramic plating of his shoulder guard. "After all, like Samara said… it's easier to kill a criminal when we're ignorant of the fact that he's a devoted father.

"It's hard to declare justice on someone when we can still see some good in them."

"Yeah. And I could still see some good in Sidonis," Garrus nodded as he absently reached for her hand at his shoulder. Janelle felt her breathing hitch, but she did her best to mask her delight and surprise. She was glad that he continued speaking or her task would have been harder. "I know what he did was wrong, but… you were right. He was paying for what he did…"

"There are things worse than death."

"Yeah, but… still… it's so much easier to see the world in black and white. I wish things were that way because… gray… I never know what to do with gray."

"It's never easy," she agreed, her hand trembling as she desire to shift her hold and instead grasp his hand, wanting to do something about how lost he seemed. She tried to help him and now… she didn't know if she did. One good thing she did seemed to be perfectly countered by another problem. Was there any moment that things could just be… ideal for once? "You have to trust what you think is best…"

"I thought killing Sidonis was best, that going after criminals on Omega was best," he reminded jadedly as he turned a skeptic gaze towards her. "And look at the mess I got myself in."

"Garrus… people thought you were doing something good on Omega and you were. Otherwise I don't see how you'd gain the alias 'Archangel,'" she assured with a soft, but genuine smile. "You were doing good. So don't be so hard on yourself."

"And what about with Sidonis? I know you didn't want me to kill him."

"Maybe the reason why you tracked him down was tainted, just like it had been with Saleon. But… you had to both times, didn't you? To learn something?" the infiltrator suggested for him, hoping he realized why she didn't stop him until they were facing Sidonis, and then only stalling to find the truth, to hear the traitors words and let Garrus make his own decision.

At first, she didn't know if he realized that. But when the response to her words was laughter, of course she was confused. It was quiet, but lingering… almost ironic sounding. She still wasn't sure what to think as his hand fell away from hers even as he relaxed and returned his gaze to hers seeming… amused.

"I said it before and I'll say it again. I never met anyone like you Shepard," he reiterated, no longer sounding at all tense about the issues that had plagued him. "Now I know I should be ever so grateful to have met the great Commander Shepard…"

"Garrus! You bastard!" she snapped jerking her hand away before jamming her fist against his shoulder, only urging a laugh from him… which honestly made her laugh as well as she shook her head. "And here you were accusing me of planning to loosen your tongue with alcohol to get you talking and we haven't even gone into a bar!"

"Then that just means we'll find something else – hopefully less grave – to talk about," the turian suggested, reaching over to the shuttle's panel before freezing and turning to regard her. "Or does that mean no drinks?"

She just gave a smile and took hold of his hand, moving it to complete the action of popping the cover. "I said we were getting drinks to unwind. Not to get you talking. We're getting drinks, whether or not there's anything to talk about now because I say we damn well deserve the chance," she declared, pushing him out of the shuttle before she stepped out as well and they made their way to the bar.

They took a seat off to the side of the bar, and Janelle could just imagine that the bright lights were going to mess with her head in time. At least she was planning on sticking with one drink today, one that made Garrus regard her with skepticism.

"What? I can't enjoy a nice fruity drink? Especially one I'm lucky they even have the ingredients for here?" she replied with mock disbelief as the asari waitress walked away after getting Garrus's order – his usual order of a dextro mixed drink that he once mentioned was a usual for turian C-Sec agents.

"It's the fruity part that gets me," he muttered, still staring at her with skepticism. "Sounds… girly."

"Um, excuse me. I _am_ a _girl_," she pointed out, repressing the almost second nature reaction to emphasize her possession of breasts; but she wasn't dealing with asshole marines with whom she and her female friends would flirt with cruelly before denying the men the 'treat.' Perhaps she was making a few subconscious attempts to declare she was a female – a bad habit that happened after dealing with too many men that were daunted by her soldier attitude and needed reminded that she was still a woman – but she wasn't going to be blatant about it, bad habits aside.

Besides… she really wanted a nice Mai Tai. Was that too much to ask for?

"Oh? I thought you preferred people not to remark about your gender," the turian challenge rather mischievously as he leaned his elbows onto the table as he sat across from her. "I heard about the merc recruiter suggesting you sign up as a stripper and how you pulled a gun on him."

"_Stripper_. Do I _look_ like stripper material?"

"That's a question you ask when we're drunk. Not before," Garrus simply countered and almost making Janelle mouth drop. A simple no would have sufficed – like she could dance around like those girls in Chora's Den or Afterlife. And why would one need to be drunk to give that answer?

She did open her mouth to say something along those lines, but quickly closed up again, unsure what to say. If she worded it wrong she might be suggesting something that had not been meant at all by the statement. Or make a false statement that she minded Garrus's honest opinion – even if it meant his… appraisal of her body.

She felt her skin grow hot and was so glad for the fact that her tan skin made it difficult for blushing to show.

"Anyhow who told you? Jacob?" she attempted to change the topic. Sort of. She was a little speechless at the moment – for once.

"I have to visit the armory every now and then," the vigilante shrugged. "Gotta make sure my rifle's perfectly fine so that I'm not lagging when the next fight breaks out. By the way… I got in more headshots than you…"

"Oh shut up!" she growled, hitting one of his hands with the back of her fingers. "You know perfectly why you got more points today…"

"Part because you and Tali were bickering when we faced that first heavy mech," he recalled, tilting his head as he regarded her curiously before they both broke their focus away from each other as the waitress returned with their drinks. But once she was gone and the drinks were before them, Garrus returned to the topic at hand. "What were you arguing about? She mentioned something about you needing to confess something? What was that about?"

Janelle tried hard not to cough, but she was too startled by _that_ question to succeed. Rather maladroitly, she coughed, sputtering some of her drink before her hand was able to cover her mouth. Her reaction urged a chuckle from the turian before her. And his reaction gained him a glare. "Garrus… shut up. And I'll say the same thing you said before.

"That's something you ask when we're drunk. Not before."

"Good thing you can't hold your liquor," the former C-Sec officer murmured with cocksure tone and only chuckling again when the Spectre held a glare on him. But he only ignored it as he sipped at his drink before he spoke, attempting the change the topic. "Hmm. Is there anything we _can_ talk about that doesn't require us to be intoxicated?"

"Not sure. Seems like all the fun conversations happen when you've got the alcohol flowing."

"Then I take it that means sticking with the un-fun topics," Garrus gave another amused chuckle, his gaze focused on her in a way that made Janelle wonder if that was what was making her suddenly being to feel warm… or if that was just the alcohol. With his next words, she figured it was both. "So then what are we going to talk about while we wait until we're sufficiently intoxicated to get to the interesting conversations?"

"And what exactly do you consider 'interesting?'" she muttered beneath her breath as she turned back to her drink. But if he thought she expected an answer – which she didn't – the turian didn't get a chance to speak as she continue to speak almost immediately. "Turians beginning military service at fifteen, right? But you eventually left to join C-Sec, right? And you left that to help take down Saren, though you did eventually go back…"

"Before leaving for Omega then finding myself working with you again," Garrus pointed out in a manner brusque enough to leave the human feeling confused as she raised an eyebrow. But he said nothing else, so she went on.

"I'm just wondering… do you ever regret leaving C-Sec or the turian military?"

"Only thing I regret is that for two years, I wasn't working with _you_," the vigilante said, still sounding rather brusque before he gave a shake of his head and leaned back in his seat, his voice returning to his more casually tone. "But no. I don't miss that life. I don't think it really suited me at all. To tell you the truth, Shepard, when it comes down to it, I don't think I'm a very good turian."

"What do you mean by that?" she had to ask, furrowing her brow, her attention on him even as she continued to drink her beverage.

"A 'good turian' follows the orders he's given. Even a bad order."

Janelle almost scoffed and would have grimaced, muttering how that was stupid… but didn't. She quickly had recalled how her father had once mentioned to her how turians were raised to be more concerned with the whole than themselves; that included listening to ones superiors who were charged with looking out for their subordinates. She could see how one might submit to following such orders with such a mindset.

And she wasn't exactly eager to insult a culture Garrus had been raised in. So she stayed silent and listened.

"He might complain, but he knows his place," he continued, shaking his head with his next words. "I just don't see the point in staying quiet and polite. Not when the galaxy's at stake.

"Can you tell why I joined up with you? Not willing to sit on your ass just because the Council would tell you to?"

"Well… I'm glad you did join up with us. Both against Saren and now against the Collectors," she voiced. Even if he didn't have any regrets about leaving his past, she didn't wanted him thinking that he had left any of that behind in vain. "I couldn't do this without you."

The statement seemed to spark some amusement from him, his mandibles relaxing into a 'smile.' "Sure you could. Just not as stylishly of course."

"See what I mean? What's the point of an epic fight with no flair?" she returned, giving a lighthearted laugh that her friend joined her in. Again she felt her body grow warm, this time with her heart beginning to soar in hearing their laughter mingle. Hell, this felt good, already felling her inhibition slipping away and letting herself become more aware of what she wanted to experience.

But in the back of her mind, Janelle felt herself worrying if she might end up doing something she'd regret…

"It would be a lost cause, definitely, and a sad circumstance for you, given that it seems that suicide missions are all that make up your life," Garrus continued with the teasing. As his laughter died away, he took his drink back in hand and began, "Also… I've been meaning to tell you that I've been finding it strange going into a suicide mission on a human ship. You don't prepare for high-risk missions the way turians do."

"I wouldn't doubt it," she said, cracking a smile, but then tilted her head with curiosity. "But I would have thought you'd be used to high-risk operations on human ships. I mean think about tracking Saren to Ilos."

"Sure, but that was quick," the former C-Sec agent shrugged, tending to his drink. "We didn't exactly prepare extensively for it. Raced out, landed, blew up some geth, and saved the galaxy. This time we've got Miranda, Cerberus, and that AI all telling us what we're up against. And you're all worried about making sure in getting as close as possible to get us all out alive. Not at all like the fight against Saren.

"I think I preferred the blind optimism we had back then."

"It is a bit annoying constantly being reminded how the odds are against us," she mumbled, absently rubbing the back of her neck, vaguely aware of how much looser the alcohol was already making her… and remembered that she was drinking on an empty stomach. She gave a soft laugh to herself, thinking how a tense confrontation and the thought of spending time with Garrus had made her forget about hunger. "Hmm. You know… we haven't had anything to eat since we disembarked from the Normandy," she said, turning around to motion a waitress to their table.

"Great… and now you'll be expecting me to pay you back for this."

"I'm not so cruel like that," Janelle grimaced and continued to scowl as the turian's only response was look of skepticism. "If you're going to be a hard-ass about it, I _will_ make you pay me back then… and not necessarily in credits."

The skepticism faded, but the human didn't know if the look that came over his face was any better. Actually no, she knew that the look of repressed amusement on his face aggravated her all the more. And the fact that he remained silent as the waitress approached the table, only speaking to make another order… it exacerbated her aggravation.

"All right, Turian," she snapped as the asari walked away. "What's with the smug look on your face?"

He gave a chuckle before drinking from his glass, taking his time as if _purposely_ stalling and attempting to frustrate her further. And _dammit_… she knew that was exactly what he was doing. Especially just as she was about to snap again, he lowered his glass and spoke, making her lips draw into a thin line as she grudgingly remained silent.

"Sorry, but I couldn't help but recall the last time we were actually drinking in a bar." His words made her quirk a brow, watching him with curious confusion. "And you have no idea what I'm talking about," he murmured, sounding quite pleased with himself.

Which aggravated her even more.

"Teasing your commanding officer when she's treating you to a meal and drinks doesn't sound like a smart idea," she warned, slowly tapping a finger against the edge of her glass.

"And treating a subordinate doesn't seem like a rather… appropriate idea, don't you think?"

"I can get away with whatever I want. I'm a Spectre," she countered, gritting her teeth.

A low groan sounded from Garrus as he gave her a jaded stare. "Cheap shot, Shepard."

"But completely legitimate. Now…" She paused taking a moment to return to her drink, glaring at him from over the edge of her glass. "I think I have a right to know what had you looking so amused."

"Are you sure you want the answer?" he stalled, however he gave in with a shrug as all she met his question with was her lingering glare. "It wasn't much, but… I made the comment 'cruel human females' and you… well, you sounded to make the implication of humans getting sexual pleasure out of torture and how a turian should be able to handle that…"

_That_ wasn't what Janelle expected to hear. Not at all, evident as her eyes went wide and she jerked as she gasped,"Wait… I didn't…"

"You did."

"Oh _g__od_," she groaned with embarrassment as her hand went to her forehead, tending to the headache that was already developing. But whatever dull pain was bothering her right now wasn't enough to deter her from throwing another glare Garrus's way. "You know…I _did_ ask you about what I said that day and you said that I didn't say anything…"

"To worry about," he cut in, sounding and looking completely sincere about his words as he leaned forward, elbows on the table and hands cradling his only half-full glass. "I told you, no one else knows. So why does it matter?"

"Because I don't need you thinking I'm some sex fiend. I'm not. I…"

"This is _why _I didn't tell you before," he groaned, shaking his head. "I know you worry about how others see you."

"Well… like you said, I _am_ Commander Shepard," she muttered, running her finger along the rim of her glass, but now felt some aggravation and embarrassment slip away. She could understand his reasons to stay quiet before and he didn't seem fazed, so she hoped that meant he didn't think badly of her. That didn't mean she was sure though. "Uh, Garrus… you don't think that I… well, that I enjoy that sort of thing?"

"Teasing me? I'm sure you do."

"Not that!" she cried, before letting her voice drop back to a normal level. "That I'm some sort of pervert…"

"Oh that. So you don't care for that kind of thing? And here I thought I now knew some dark secret of yours."

"Sorry to disappoint," she grumbled jadedly with a glare that matched her tone. "By the way… if you didn't want to tell me before… why did you mention it now?"

"Have you forgotten that alcohol impairs judgment?" the turian returned, picking up his glass, to remind her how much he had drank. "You know that my tongue loosens quickly enough. I just don't fall into a drunken stupor so easily."

"And I do?"

"Maybe not a drunken stupor, but you sure get looser faster than I do. I remember how you'd give girlish giggles back when we were still on the original Normandy."

"I did not!"

"You did too! Go ask Tali if you don't believe me. She was the only sober one," Garrus said before pausing and seeming to ponder something. "Of course… she might not tell you the truth…"

"Because I don't give girlish giggles," Janelle grumbled, but felt glad to see that their food had arrived. She wanted to continue with her drink, but she wasn't keen on drinking on an empty stomach – especially now that she knew what she said the last time she drank too much and after hearing Garrus's claim. She was _not_ about to give girlish giggles today. "Anyhow… I think we need to stick to safer topics. At least while we have food in front of us," she said, already delving into her soup just as the turian did with his order. The infiltrator had no idea what the hell was in his bowl, except that it looked like a few mangled dark purple squids, swimming in a creamy-looking green broth. It wasn't exactly _that_ unappetizing of a sight; just slightly strange.

Still not like she felt like trying to touch upon the topic of sex while eating.

"At least I'm hoping this will be a be safer topic. So… how do turian crews get ready for high-risk missions?"

To that Garrus had to pause in eating as he gave an amused laugh. "So you'd rather talk about military procedures than sex topics?"

"_Uncomfortable_ sex topics. Why? Do you want to continue with that instead?" Janelle questioned, a brow raised and though curious… she hoped to God that he wasn't going to say yes.

"I'm still not drunk enough to," was his response with a spark of enjoyment in his eyes, though he shook that off quickly with a shrug. "Anyhow, how can I expect a commander to _not_ ask that sort of question?

"But preparations for high-risk missions… turians can get violent. I'm sure you know about out military having more severe disciplines, but, compared to the Alliance, we also have fewer personal restrictions," the vigilante explained so matter-of-factly that Janelle was having trouble remembering that he had a decent amount of alcohol flowing through him now. "Our commanders run us tight, and they know we need to blow off steam. Turian ships have training rooms for exercise, combat sims, even full-contact sparring. Whatever lets people work off stress."

"Wait… you mean turian ships have crewmen fighting each other before a mission?"

"It's supervised. Nobody's going to risk an injury that interferes with a mission. And it's a good way to settle grudges amicably," he continued with a shrug before shaking his head as he gave another laugh. "Too bad you don't utilize the approach. It sometimes has its perks…"

"Oh sure. I'll get right on that," the Spectre muttered jadedly. "After all how bad could that be given that we've got a psychopathic biotic, a justicar, an assassin, and a krogan aboard the Normandy? I don't see _anything_ bad happening…"

"Good point," Garrus agreed, but not at all seemingly bothered by the credulity of his suggestion. "Though I'd think it would be interesting watching you spar…"

"Not against any biotic or krogan," she continued to counter, though she was certain a bit of her own interest seeped into her voice. Not necessarily about the notion of sparring but Garrus's interest in seeing _her_ spar. Although she wasn't exactly ready to touch on that exact topic. "But what are these 'perks' you mentioned, Garrus? Got a story attached? Or are you going to refuse to indulge me again?"

There was a certain sense of intrigue that seemed to flash in his eyes, as well as wariness as his mandibles gave a twitch. She wasn't exactly sure how to read the expression although she quickly forgot about it as he relaxed and tilted his head to the side. "I think I can humor you. At least this once…

"We had this one mission. We were about to hit a batarian pirate squad. Very risky. This recon scout and I had been at each other's throats. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring."

To that Janelle had to scoff, before sipping at her drink as she held her eyebrows cocked again. "I know better than to think you'd be at all lenient in that match. You're cruelly competitive against women it seems."

"Only with the ones that make the challenge fun," he returned rather smugly… and making Janelle suddenly feel that delightful warmth again. Although this time there was a terrible ache gathering between her thighs, making her whole body clench. Oh god, how the hell did that arouse her so wickedly?

"I take it she was a fun one then," she muttered, trying hard to stay in control, but realized she was losing that goal as something else dawned on her. Only when she felt the words slip past her lips did she realize something…

Jealousy.

She was growing jealous of a turian female she had only heard of for a bare second. But she remembered Garrus's remark about 'perks,' his mention of 'full-contact sparring,' and this scout wanting to settle an issue with him in the ring… and she just felt her blood rage.

But her jealousy cooled down almost as quickly as it began to rise as she watched the turian before her shrug.

"She was a challenge and it was entertaining, but not exactly what I'd consider 'fun.'"

She wanted to ask what he meant by that, but ignored the question, telling herself it didn't matter and instead queried, "So how did the fight go then?"

"Not easy. It was brutal. She and I were the top-ranked hand-to-hand specialists on the ship. I had reach, but she had flexibility. After nine rounds, the judge called it a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the training room."

"Like there were unhappy mercs on Omega?"

"Exactly," he chuckled before taking a gulp of his drink. "Luckily none of them tried to kill me. As much as they were unhappy, they were wary after what they saw."

"I'd imagine, but… so what? You left it as a draw?"

It took her by surprise to watch how he hesitated, his mandibles twitching before his eyes turned down to his bowl, then over to the bar and towards the door… anywhere except to her gaze. It wasn't until he settled on staring at the floor that he murmured rather reluctantly, "Ah… well, we… um, ended up holding a tiebreaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. And well…" Garrus gave a jerky shake of the head, turning his gaze warily back to hers, staring at her as Janelle tried not to let her mouth fall open. She had that thought in the back of her head, but to actually hear it… just… hell…

"More than one way to work off stress, I guess," he then finished with a sigh, leaning back against his seat, his green eyes boring into hers almost seeming to question her of whatever judgments she had of his story. She had none. Oh, she had thoughts – several – racing through her head, opinions, but she kept her tongue in-check.

After all, she knew now that she only used Kaidan for more or less the same reason… though that had backfired.

Yet that wasn't the foremost thought at her mind…

"I thought you said she isn't want you'd consider 'fun,'" she did have to say, feeling a little perplexed.

"So I take it that every sexual encounter you've had was 'fun?'" was his reply with an incredulous tone.

"Okay. No. But I thought you mentioned 'perks.' How is that a perk if it's not even good sex?"

"I didn't say it was bad. Just that it wouldn't have been my definition of fun," he returned then gave a shrug as he downed the remnants of his drink, giving a jerky shake of the head and jolt of the body. "And it did help things… well, actually, until shore leave. When she was looking for something more…"

"You think that's wrong? That here she slept with a man and realized she wanted a relationship?" Janelle bit back, restraining herself from reaching over and slapping the turian… but also wanted to slap herself. After all, she had no desire to want to see him with anyone else right now. But… still…

"And there starts your 'dealing injustice' lecture," Garrus groaned, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his chair. "What I don't understand is having a relationship with someone not only after you agree it's only a one-time thing, but when it's painfully obvious that there's nothing between either of you.

"Like I said, we were at each other's throats and it wasn't even anything like the banter between you and me. That is actually amusing. Arguing with her wasn't. It was more like arguing with Jack or Miranda. Hell, I prefer dealing with Tali's threats to the scout's insults. I never had a decent conversation with her before the tension between us and not even after the 'tiebreaker.' And the 'tiebreaker' hadn't even been my suggestion.

"Just didn't see the point in pursuing a relationship that was going to go nowhere."

"Oh," she breathed softly and gave a gently nod, absent-mindedly sipping at her cocktail. "You have a point there, but… then why the one-night stand. You're that fine with casual sex."

"We all make stupid choices now and then and I didn't feel like I had blown off enough steam, so… yea, I took her up on her offer again," he muttered with a half-hearted shrug.

"Oh, so… what about now?"

He gave a jerk at that question, his mandibles twitching and his voice possessed with obvious bewilderment. "Now? What do you mean? I don't…"

"Blowing off steam. That's why we're here, right?" Janelle spoke up quickly, feeling her nerves suddenly flare. But if she chickened out now… well, she wasn't going to. And for good measure, she threw back her glass and downed the last of her beverage, a little more than she should have taken at once, but… damn it all. "I'm asking if you were able to unwind sufficiently or not. And be honest."

"You want my honest answer? Really… no," the vigilante edged out cautiously, his eyes warily watching her, face tilting slightly away as if he expected something… unpleasant? She wasn't sure. Her mind was now starting to swim in painful lightness after drinking too much alcohol too fast… _again_. "Sorry. Not that your attempt wasn't appreciated or anything. I am grateful to you and enjoy your company and…"

"Would you be willing to accept a proposal I have?" she cut in, leaning forward as she found it difficult to think of why she never mentioned something earlier. "If you're still carrying some tension… maybe I could help you get rid of it."

"I'm not sure what you mean, Shepard… wait, you mean having a spar? I thought you didn't like the idea…"

"I guess 'sparring' could be a way to put it," she mused, having to let a smirk spread across her lips, feeling her body grow hot and tremble with excitement and amusement, especially as she enjoyed watching that soft light in his eyes as he tried to discern what she was getting at. "But I was thinking having something more like a… tiebreaker. Because we have a matter over not knowing which one of us is the better sniper. But we'd never settle it on the battlefield, I think.

"Besides… I'm curious about putting your reach to the test and I'd like to know how my flexibility measures up."

"Wait. Are you… are you suggesting what I think you are?" Garrus questioned, an obviously excited hint to his tone as he leaned forward, amusing Janelle to the point that she couldn't hold back a laugh.

Or – to be more accurate – a giggle.

Quickly, she threw her hands up to her mouth, her eyes going wide even as Garrus gave a robust laugh. "See? Told you that you give girly giggles when you drink too much."

"I had one drink," she returned jaded. "And before you go on to say anything about my tolerance or anything else to tease me, that's not the matter at hand. Don't avoid the subject…"

He didn't object, instead giving a laugh before he let it die, but his mandibles still remained relaxed in a smile as he tilted his head, seeming interested. "So you're serious? You're not trying to mess with me?"

"You think this is a topic I'd really joke about?" the infiltrator grumbled, giving him a glare as she crossed her arms and leaned back before twisting her face away from him. "Okay, fine. If you just want to mock me, I'll just take it back…"

"Hey! I'm not trying to…" he began to exclaim, but then his voice fell silent as she heard the shifting of metal armor. She turned to face him again and watched as he now stood and moved a chair closer towards her and sat down. She felt her breathing hitch as she felt his eyes bore into hers, staring at her like nothing but the two of them existed. Her arms relaxed and her hands fell to her lap, just before she felt one hand taken by his, almost making her gasp. "Shepard, I just… I didn't expect that you, well… I never knew you had a weakness for men with scars."

The human let a smile crack onto her lips, her hand shifting in his grip to grasp onto his hand as well. "I have to admit, Garrus… I've always had a thing for bad boys… tough men. And well, the scars… certain shows that you're tough.

"So then… what do you have to say about my suggestion?"

"Why the hell not?" he said, sounding _very_ thrilled by the prospect, standing up and slowly pulling her up along with him. Then unfortunately he released her hand. "But before we say anything more… let's get out of the public eye. I'd rather continue this conversation away from prying ears."

"I'm with you," Janelle continued to smirk, making her way towards the bar, her credit chit in hand. But before she had a chance to pay, the former C-Sec agent beat her to it. "Garrus! I told you it would be my treat!" she hissed indignantly, even as he pushed her towards the door once payment was finalized.

"Maybe another day, but with the offer you just made… I'd feel wrong letting you pay."

She wanted to deal out a counter, but he was close to her, so close. And as he spoke, his breath caressed her ear and neck, making her give a startled gasp and stumble back a bit, glad to feel his arm snag her waist.

"Shepard? What? You really need to work on your tolerance…"

"It's not the alcohol, Turian," she hissed, her arm pressed against his side trembling, uncertain what to do. She wanted to hold him as well, but she still felt an uncertainty about how exactly to act around him. What exactly did he not mind, especially while still out in the open? What overstepped the bounds?

Though her chance to wrap her arm around him fled as he tentatively released her, putting some distance between them, but watching her closely. "Are you sure? Then why did you lose your balance?"

"That was your fault," she mumbled, trying to keep her words from being heard by others as they left the bar and moved towards the shuttle they had used earlier. "You… ah, breathed on my ear…"

She stared up at him and could see in his eyes and slight twitch of his mandibles the confusion he had at her words. "You stumbled because I… breathed on your ear?"

"It's a sensitive spot," she explained and found it curious that Garrus still looked to have no idea what she was talking about. "You know… an area of the body more receptive to touch and can evoke a reaction.

"Don't turians have something similar?"

"Yeah, but our carapaces aren't sensitive enough to get a reaction like yours from _breathing_. Not even our mandibles are that sensitive," he replied before shrugging and teasing, "Must because you humans are rather squishy…"

"Hey! Don't be insulting…"

"It's not insulting to state the truth," he interrupted, still sounding amused until they came to the shuttle. "Uh, or did you just want to walk back to the docks? It's not that far but…"

"You want out of the public eye and so do I," she interrupted, signaling the shuttle to open before nudging the turian in then joining him as the cover came back down. "And I'm still not ready to go back to the Normandy just yet. So just plug in a longer route on the auto-pilot, which you know we are going to have to bring back online.

"Unfortunately… I'll mess up the hack if I do it…"

"Using me to do your dirty work," Garrus returned, but only chuckling as he enabled his omni-tool to do what needed to be done. And it amazed Janelle that somehow… his attention to his work and the way his hand moved over the omni-tool… it enthralled her.

As much as the sound of his voice did.

"What are you thinking, Garrus?" she murmured, keeping her eyes on him, both attempting to hear him speak and find out answers that she had to know. She doubted that speaking to him would be a significant distraction even after drinking. She knew his tolerance wasn't nearly as bad as hers and she had seen his still accomplishing complex tasks perfectly after a drinking session a few times before, on either Normandy.

"Well, aside from the proper codes to hack this shuttle… how to make this thing we're planning work…"

"So you don't mind my suggestion at all? You want to do this?"

"I might have been drinking, Shepard, but that doesn't mean I'm about to agree to something I don't want," he said, eyes still on his omni-tool and the shuttle's console. But then he broke away to turn his eyes to hers. It was only for a moment before he was back on his work, but it had been enough to make her heart leap. "There's not a damn person I respect more in this galaxy than you.

"I want this. Definitely.

"Otherwise I wouldn't have such a hard time with this hack, already trying to figure out how to make this thing work for us. Your suggestion, I mean. Especially knowing that you'll certainly be rather flexible…"

"Garrus… how the hell is it that listening to you is making it feel so hot in here?"

"Aside from the obvious answer?" Suddenly the shuttle came online and Garrus put side his omni-tool, punching in a route for the shuttle to take. And just as the vehicle took off, he turned towards Janelle, pressing her against her seat as he leaned down towards her, breathing hotly against her ear as his one mandible repeatedly fluttered against her cheek and hair. Her hands lashed out, grabbing him by the arm and shoulder, her body already squirming restlessly, utterly amazed by how warm his breath was against her skin and how astonishing it was feeling the vibrations of his mandible against her face. She couldn't help but give unabashed moans, trying to lean in as close to him as possible.

"I imagine it's the same reason I feel like I'm going crazy," he whispered near her ear, low and rough, making her jolt with delightful pleasure as well as fall silent to listen to him, "just wondering how differently you'll be compared to the others I've been with."

"The thought intrigues you?" Janelle murmured, pressing forward and gently rubbing her cheek against his. She brushed against his mandible and instantly she felt him jerk as a feral rumble rose up from his throat. That made her jerk as well, worried about his reaction. "I'm sorry, Garrus. I didn't think…"

"No. You did nothing wrong," he hushed her, moving a hand to rest and finger against her lips as he backed away, his eyes bearing down into hers. The Spectre could swear that her heart had skipped several beats in that moment. And she couldn't stop the moan as his gloved fingers slipped over her lower cheek and jaw. "Remember what you said about your ears being sensitive. My mandibles are as well…"

"You mentioned something about them earlier," she nodded, both hands moving to hold his by her face… before she began to strip his gauntlet away. "So did you like that?"

"Very much. I guess humans being so squishy isn't such a bad thing…"

"Hey!" She gave the cry as one hand dropped from its task and rapped its knuckles against his chest piece. "Stop with talking about how I'm squishy!"

Garrus gave a deep laugh, prying his now bared hand from her grip, leaning forward again. This time, he nestled his face near the crook of her neck, again urging a gasp and shudder from her body at the warmth of both his skin and breath and the fascinating feel of his mandibles against her clavicle. And her breathing grew shallow, little gasps piercing the air in an irregular pace, her mind marveling as his cool talons slipped against her cheek, every so often giving way to the skin of his fingers making contact with her skin; she had to wonder if all of his body felt so hot and what it would be like to feel his chest pressed against hers, their stomachs meeting and their legs…

She couldn't hold back the groan that formed in her throat as her head grew even lighter that it already was.

"Shepard… are you sure you want this?"

The broke the headiness that had come over her, the mood certainly not helped as Garrus began to pry away, his hand still at her face, his eyes staring intently into hers, searching for an answer before she gave it.

She had to scoff. "Does it look like I'm at all reluctant to 'blow off some steam' with you?"

His mandibles gave a slow flutter as another deep laugh pressed up from his chest, his voice still low and rough from before. "No… not at all. But… you're sure that's not the alcohol talking?"

"And what about you?" she challenged him instead.

"You know I have a better tolerance than you. This isn't alcohol," the vigilante shook his head before pausing and considering for a moment. "Well… maybe a little bit. But you…"

"Garrus, didn't I tell you _much_ earlier that I'm not bothered by the rumor of you and me? If I didn't want this, I would have found the rumor beyond annoying. Like if it had been about Jacob… I'd be punching the lights out of someone," Janelle muttered, taking hold of his hand and gently guiding his fingers down her face and neck, her eager body responding restlessly to the touch. She felt her chest jerk and watched his face attentively as she let his hand pass over her breast. He seemed just absorbed by the motion, reaction, and feeling as she did. "Don't ask me whether or not I want this just because there's alcohol in my blood.

"In all honesty, I wanted to get _my_ tongue loosened, to do or say _something_ to you. Don't think I thought to influence you in anyway by the alcohol either. Like you said, I know your tolerance is better than mine.

"I didn't know if you'd be bothered or accepting of something between us, but I _had_ to do something. I've been going crazy since I realized that I want you."

He gave a chuckle, leaning back down to her, one hand pulling away at her collar, the other – the bared one – caressing her stomach. She gave another gasp, throwing her head back as her eyes fell shut, moans pouring from her mouth, pleading with him, too overwhelmed to actually feel him like this.

"To think…" he began to rumble against her skin. "I've got the great Commander Shepard begging for sex…"

That made her slap his shoulder. "Don't get cocky, Turian…

"And stop referring to me like that! Or I'm taking back my offer!"

"Would you really? With how your moaning and begging?" he challenged, lifting his head just enough to breathe against her ear again, causing another shudder to reverberate through her body. "You just said that you've been going crazy for this, that you want this… that you want me.

"Tell me that you really want to forget the chance for us to 'ease some tension?'"

She gave a grunt, frustrated that he was right, that she had already told him all that, and that there was no way she could make anything other than empty threats right now. She had already expressed too much, needed too much to push this thought from her mind.

"Just stop being so cocky," she grumbled even as she shifted her face and lightly kissed his mandible. Again she heard that rumbling growl, this time growing excited by its sound… before gasping as Garrus's mouth closed around the joint of her neck and shoulder, now feeling so hot and moist as both fear and thrill shot up her spine as she felt the sharp tips of his teeth brush against her skin. Suddenly she remembered how much of a predator turians were, how they put her in the mind of raptors… and that Garrus had all he needed to pin her down and tear her to shreds, if he so wanted. But it was a minor fear, one only encouraged by pointless 'logic.' After all, despite what physical traits they might possess, since when had she ever heard of turians acting in such ways? And since when did she see Garrus act in such ways to make her think he was no more than some feral predator?

Though she felt the fear slip by, it must have lingered long enough for the turian to pick it up as he leaned back and stared at her, apologetic and worried. "Sorry… I wasn't trying to scare you. I should have known better…"

"No, it's okay. I'm fine," she shook her head then leaned forward to press a light kiss on his lips. That earned her a surprised stare from him and she couldn't help but give a giggle, forgetting her prior claim that she did no such thing. "What? Do you bite turian women when you're with them?"

"Yeah… Um, just to warn you, turians usually have _very_ rough sex and our thick hides can take it," he said, his naked hand no longer at her stomach but at her jaw again, caressing her skin once more. "I don't want to be rough with you, but with how violent I know I can be…"

She heard his words, but she did not believe them. His touch was so gentle and careful, nothing of what he said backed up his words. Even with how brutal she had seen him on the battlefield, she saw how tender he was towards hostages or how concerned he was about issues… she couldn't believe that this man would be violent and cruel towards her, even in the throes of passion.

Oh hell… and those thoughts only made the shuttle feel so much hotter…

"Garrus, it's going to be okay," she whispered, taking hold of his hand and bringing his hand to her lips and kissing its back. Then she looked back up at him, a smirk plastered on her lips as she teased, "All right… I changed my mind. You can be cocky. I'd rather you cocky than worrisome."

A groan escaped the turian as he threw his head back. "Shepard… can't you make up your mind. Hell… are you women always confusing, even across species?"

"I hope you're not getting second thoughts…"

"No, but can't you women ever make things simple for once? Do you always have to make things difficult?"

"Oh, it's only to make sure you don't get bored and so that you can be a little more entertaining," she teased then fell silent as she realized that the shuttle had arrived at their destination. "Looks like we're back now. And I guess I'll have Miranda flipping out if we don't get back soon. Wanting the mission report…"

"She'll still flip out when she finds out that you skipped giving your report to drink," Garrus laughed as he slipped away from her, grabbing his removed gauntlet and popping open the shuttle's cover. "And will probably chew me out for doing the same…"

"She does act like an ice queen too often," Janelle muttered, as they both stepped out and made the last stretch of the journey to the Normandy. "I thought she had loosened up after finding Oriana, but she's still so cold and stern."

"Still can't believe she has a twin. I don't see how two 'Mirandas' are at all beneficial to the universe."

"Oh ease up on her! We've all had it hard," she reminded, nudging him with her elbow… and cracked a smile. "But at least the kid has a sense of humor. If she was as humorless as Miranda… well, then the galaxy might be screwed…"

"How do you think the galaxy will end up given humanity's greatest hero has a thing for a certain turian?"

"It's none of the galaxy's business and its no issue what so ever," she bit out, shooting him a glare, wondering what he might be getting at. After that little 'bout' in the shuttle… she wasn't at all willing to let him go easily.

But if he had any intentions of changing his mind, it didn't seem so as he seemed utterly relaxed with an eager light in his green eyes. A same eagerness that was in his voice. "This is going to be something, Shepard. Now I know I'm not a 'good turian.' I highly doubt one would contemplate having sexual relations with a human…"

"Well, I guess that settles it," she laughed as they walked down the docking arm, connected to the Normandy. "You're a very bad boy, Garrus."

"And coming from you… that sounds like a compliment."

"Maybe," she smirked as they stepped into decontamination, waiting for the slow process before re-entering the ship. And with this lull in motion, Janelle had to speak. "Garrus… before we're amongst the crew again, I have to ask…"

"Yes?"

"Do you mind if… that rumor… if we don't let it be a rumor anymore? Or…"

"Shepard, I'm not saying this because I'm embarrassed or unsure, but…" he began slowly and carefully, his voice somber and quiet. "I'd say that we should try to keep this as discreet as possible for now. With the mission still ahead of us, it would be a bad idea to cause any serious distractions amongst the crew. I doubt actually knowing that the human commander _is_ with a turian would be a good thing. It already doesn't seem so with the rumor still lingering."

"Yeah. You're right," she sighed, knowing he was, but wishing he wasn't. She hated hiding things because she knew secrets couldn't remain hidden forever and lying had never been a strong point for her.

"Of course, knowing our luck, they'll find out sooner or later anyhow. We probably won't be hiding anything for long…" he added, as if trying to comfort her just before the door finally opened. "Well Commander… if you need to talk to me, you know where I'll be."

"Yea… I'll probably be down there later, Garrus," she said, trying hard not to smile, but failing. But she didn't care, not as he seemed to 'smile' as well, giving a soft nod before parting ways and making his way towards the elevator as she stood still and watched him, before sighing and moving into the cockpit.

"I hope you took care of that issue Garrus has had up his ass, Commander," Joker called out as she stepped in, making her groan and roll her eyes. "I really don't like the death glares that he's had on his face lately. Of course… turians always look like they have death glares on their faces…"

"Watch out, Joker. I just might send Garrus up here to beat you over the head with that pole that you've been complaining about," she muttered to the pilot, looking over the navigator's console, eventually pulling up a destination. "Anyhow… I'll need to rest for a bit first, but would you go ahead and plot a course for Tuchanka? Mordin and Grunt has some business there and I'm hoping to see if we can find what's become of Wrex."

"Oh, sure. The super fun guy that loved to threaten all of us and complain how much of a weakling I am," the pilot groaned sarcastically. "Commander, how the hell is it that you make friends with the most dangerous people I've ever known. Did your parents buy you vicious predators for pets as a kid?"

"I lived on starships, Joker," she muttered as she glared at him jadedly, arms crossed. "And watch it. These people are helping us against the Collectors and we need the best…"

"Yeah, yeah… I know. Doesn't mean it's a sane decision…"

"A _suicide mission_ isn't a sane choice."

"Good point, Commander, but anyhow… I can't set a course for Tuchanka just yet. We got a message from the Illusive Man. He wants to speak with you in the debriefing room."

"Now?" she groaned. If he was about to send her on another imperative mission… she just wanted to rest now after spending the day fighting the Blue Suns and dealing with the issue with Sidonis. And she was in no condition to fight with alcohol still in her system.

Talk about rotten luck…

"Yeah. It sounded pretty urgent."

"Fine… but he has rotten timing…"

* * *

**Endnote:** I hope you enjoyed the interaction between the two, regardless. Especially since I enjoyed writing them. ^_^ I'm looking forward to writing more between the two of them.

Also... I might end up touching this story up in the near future, since I rushed to get the last few bits written (I shouldn't have, but I did). Sorry for rushed feelings, misspellings, bad grammar and such for that. I'll try to fix that soon...

R&R ^_^


	7. Respite

**Misc:** So first off... you readers are awesome with your reaction and response to the last chapter. Glad you enjoyed it as much as I did. And I'm hoping that the rest of the story will either be as enjoyable or more so.

With that said, I did want to point out that I did get around to posting a Garrus/Shepard fanart. The link is in my profile, so check it out. I started a color WIP and I'm working on it as time allows. But with own own art projects for school... time doesn't allow much.

Anyhow... I don't have much to say about this chapter except it's in Tali's POV again because I like writing in her POV and after the last chapter... I thought it'd be fun to see her thoughts as she observes the two.

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

"That _bosh'tet_! Leading us into a trap like that and tries to say he didn't betray us?! Bullshit! And I don't care what anyone else says… risking _your_ life is the most insane and _stupidest_ thing someone could do if he wants _you_, Comannder Shepard, to defeat the Collectors."

Despite how the mission to the 'derelict' Collector ship was in no way a failure, Tali could not help but react to the aftermath of the mission as if it was. She just could not sit there and ignore the fact that the Illusive Man had led them into a trap or use half-assed logic to justify what the man had done.

She was just glad that at least she wasn't the only one to feel this way.

"It is rather annoying to get my ass thrown on the line so often just because people think I'm invulnerable," Shepard muttered as she drank a little of the wine cooler in her hand.

Both of the women and Garrus were sitting around the center table in her cabin. The turian and human sat on the couch, within arm's reach but far enough that there was nothing peculiar about the distance between them –neither too close or too far. Tali sat across from them in the lounge chair. They all had drinks in their hands, drinks that Shepard always kept in supply for moments like this, sessions of private debriefs or bull… much like those days on the original Normandy. Except Tali felt that the three of them had grown closer since that first jaunt, both from the danger they were always getting thrown into as well as how – aside from Dr. Chakwas and Joker – they were the only ones here that were part of the original crew.

And everyone on the Normandy knew that Shepard trusted the turian and quarian more than anyone else here.

"That's what happens when you're the great Commander Shepard," Garrus teased, sounding rather amused.

"Hey. What did I tell you about calling me that?" the infiltrator grumbled, shifting to kick a foot against his leg. But Tali knew better than to believe the woman was only annoyed. Not with the smirk on her face, which honestly agitated the quarian. It had nothing to do with wishing that the human wouldn't stare at the man with obvious interest; just that it had been nearly a day now since their time on the Citadel and Tali had _yet_ to hear anything about what had happened.

It was annoying that they had to run off after that Collector ship so soon after going after Harkin and Sidonis.

Especially knowing that _something_ happened between the two. That had been blatantly obvious throughout the mission and while they sat amongst each other.

"You're never going to live it down, Shepard," he returned, obviously amused. "You'll just have to deal with it…"

"Not from _you_," the Spectre groaned before quickly leaning forward and snatching his beer from his hand, a mischievous smirk plastered on her lips. "Keep it up and this isn't all I'll be taking back. And this stays with me until I get an apology."

Tali gave a low groan. Blatantly obvious. And if Garrus tried to deny anything this time, she was hitting him over the head with her shotgun.

"Empty threats are unbecoming, Commander," the turian countered with a rather cocky tone, emphasized by how he leaned back easily, not attempting to take back his drink. "Besides… I thought you said that you didn't enjoy cruel tastes. I should have known better…"

"What?! I… you… this is nothing like that!" Shepard cried out after stumbling over her words, sounding rather aghast and making Tali wonder what the hell was going on now. It was only making it more frustrating that she and the human had yet to talk about what had happened. Especially as she watched the woman frustratingly give in, shoving the bottle back in the turian's hands. Unless there was something she was trying to avoid speaking of, Tali didn't see why Shepard didn't continue to press Garrus.

"Stop pushing your luck, Turian," the Spectre muttered, returning to her drink. "I swear… you will have to deal with more than you can handle if you keep it up."

"It's an interesting proposition…"

Or annoying, for the one who was left in the dark.

"_Keelah_! What the hell is going on now?!" Tali finally interrupted, unable to take it anymore. Her cry was loud and abruptly, at least enough to have them acknowledge her presence once more. "What happened on the Citadel while I was gone? And don't say nothing happened. The both of you are flirting worse than usual! And don't you _dare_ try to deny anything, Garrus," she snapped, pointing a threatening finger his way.

The turian gave a few double blinks before turning his shocked look over to Shepard, who only sighed, touching her free hand to her forehead and shaking her head. Then slowly, the human turned her gaze over to the man, murmuring, "Garrus… just to let you know, Tali's known for some time about… well, how I feel about you. So it would be pointless to deny anything to her."

"Great… so the one person that _does_ know has already threatened me with a shotgun," he groaned before taking a swift gulp of his drink.

"Everyone 'knows,' if you're going to get technical, Garrus," Tali pointed out, a smile spreading over her lips, glad she could do so and no one would know. "Everyone has thoughts about the rumor. I heard some of Donnelly's speculations the other day. Doesn't help that you two _constantly_ flirt with each other…"

"Thanks for the encouragement, Tali," he grumbled back, quickly finishing his alcohol and staring at the empty bottle with morose eyes as his mandibles gave an irritated twitch. Just before his gaze turned to Shepard's…

"Oh, go ahead," the woman sighed, waving a hand towards her 'office space,' where she had a small refrigeration unit to hold the drinks. She watched Garrus as he walked over to grab himself another of the beers she kept in supply for him before she looked over to the quarian. "It would have been nice if you could have just waited for me to mention something to you _in private_. Garrus isn't looking to cause a spectacle with this…"

"Even if you try to hide this from everyone else, problem is the rumor's already put the notion in the minds of the crew and it's obvious that you _both_ have an interest in each other. It's not going to take long for people to start figuring out about the two of you," Tali countered, sipping on her own dextro wine cooler. The first time she was served with Shepard, she hadn't joined the human, turian, and krogan in drinking alcoholic beverages, given that on the Fleet she rarely had such chances to indulge and could not find it within her still youthful mind to partake of a habit that seemed overly indulgent and irrational. But after Shepard's death, she felt like saying 'damn it all'; after Haestrom and no longer worried about constrains on the Fleet, Tali took the opportunity to indulge… although she had no idea what to partake of and was baffled by the various choices.

If it hadn't been for Garrus, she probably would have never figured where to start. While she could find the turian's teasing agravating, she was also grateful that he was willing to help her out every so often; he had suggested installing a phasic module to her shotgun and even helped with the process.

Even if he could be a cocky _bosh'tet_, Garrus did have a good heart, something Shepard deserved to have in a lover, no matter the race.

"Is there some unmentioned rule that everything in my life has to be problematic and in the spotlight?" Shepard scoffed before sighing and slumping back against the seat just as Garrus returned. This time the turian sat much closer to her and she took the initiative to lean in against him, resting her head against his shoulder. Garrus made no negative reaction on his part, instead only seemed to approve as he let his arm slip around her waist. If it wasn't for Shepard's sullen mood and the former C-Sec agent's own distress, Tali would have let out a small laugh; though as she didn't want to seem to demeaning, she only smiled behind her visor, taking in how cute the two of them did look together.

"I did say you are Commander Shepard," the turian murmured, a little tentative, but the amusement was still clear in his voice and became only more apparent as he chuckled after the woman nudged her elbow against him.

Definitely cute together.

"Shepard. Garrus… I don't think it's something you need to worry about though," the quarian spoke up, hoping the ease whatever tension the two before her were feeling. Especially as she had long grown to disdain seeing the commander troubled, which happened too often. She tried to convince Shepard to say something to Garrus because she thought they'd be good together, that Shepard could be happy. She wanted to see that. "From the people I've heard speak about the rumor about you two, they seem more surprised or amused than judgmental. I think a lot of them also think they should have seen coming. Chakwas mentioned such the last time I had to visit her after my suit had a breach.

"And most people here joined up with Cerberus because they are frustrated that the Council and the Alliance aren't doing a thing against the Collectors and the Reapers. They know of Cerberus's shady history but they don't seem to care. Not that I enjoy that or agree with them, but…

"You think they're going to have qualms about a commander who's in a relationship with a turian when said commander is the woman who brought down Saren and Sovereign? And also has the best chance against the Collectors and the Reapers? I think survival is a more important issue over disregarding social norms…"

"Doesn't mean people aren't going to nitpick the stupid things as tension rise and makes it more likely that they'll act more on emotion than logic," Garrus muttered, his arm seeming to draw tighter around Shepard's waist, almost apprehensively. "Whether or not these people hold to any of Cerberus's 'ideals,' the fact is they are human. There's still tension between the humans and turians. And for the greatest that humanity has to offer…"

"I think that's enough worrying for today," Shepard suddenly cut in, moving to place a light kiss on the turian's scarred mandible, an action that caused him to jerk and the two women to give light chuckles. Gradually the slight shock that came over the man faded away as he leaned down and touched his forehead to the woman in his arms. Then it was his turn to surprise the two females as a gentle rumbling akin to a purr sounded from within his chest. Shepard certainly gave a few blinks before a smile spread across her lips and she reached a hand up to softly slide her fingers against his chin. "And you purr now? Garrus, you really are an intriguing creature."

"So are you, Shepard. Being such a squishy human…" he murmured, shifting as he spoke so that his mouth was near the woman's ear… and now Shepard jerked with a gasp while the former C-Sec officer gave a deep laugh.

"My god! Garrus! Stop teasing me like that! And get your ass back to your bunk before we end up doing something _very_ awkward in front of Tali," she cried out, moving to stand but was quickly pulled back down onto the couch, her waist, secure in the turian's hold. "Turian… you are so frustrating…"

"And you like it that way," he countered before giving a sigh. "And you deserve to be frustrated… kicking me out."

"I'm gonna have to kick both of you out soon anyhow. Not one of us has gotten much sleep after having two consecutive missions so soon after the other," she reminded, rapping her knuckles against Garrus's chest. "And for now, I'm declaring that we have some good old R and R. Which reminds me…

"EDI… tell Joker to set a course for Illium."

"Certainly Shepard," the AI chimed so abruptly and shortly, making Tali feel a cold shiver travel up her spine. She still had yet to get used to the fact that EDI could watch and speak to them anywhere and at anytime… even the restrooms. Not a comforting thought… in addition to the unnerving sense the quarian got from being around synthetics.

She wasn't the only one to think so.

"Hmm. You know the fact that EDI can watch whatever is going on in here… that's not a comforting thought…" Garrus murmured, finishing his beer before setting the empty bottle next to the one from earlier.

"Oh… you have a point," Shepard returned, sounding just as discomfited as she bit her lip. But whatever thought was on their mind, they didn't elaborate as the former Alliance soldier gave Garrus another nudge with her elbow. "Hey, didn't I tell you to get out of here before we end up embarrassing Tali? Why don't you actually _try_ to be a good turian and do as you're told… for once…"

"Cruel human females," was all the turian returned, a chuckle beneath his breath even as Shepard starred at him appalled. His laughter lingered a little longer, but not without him moving out of the range of the commander's feet. "And I suppose I'll be seeing you tomorrow then…"

"You won't want to if you keep trying to annoy me," the woman threatened, but then gave a soft smile as she stood and moved closer to the turian. As she stood before him, she rose up on her toes and gave Garrus another light kiss, this time on the lips. "Try to get some rest, Garrus…"

"If it's at all possible," he returned with a nod before looking towards Tali, seeming rather surprised as his mandibles have an irritated twitch. "Are you women going to end up gossiping now once I leave?"

"What? No. Never. What gave you that idea?" Tali mocked, glad that he couldn't see the wide smirk on her lips.

Though the laugh was clearly audible as Shepard gave him a shove towards the door.

"Every girl needs some girl talk and refusing to let us have any is very bad, Garrus," the woman laughed, practically shoving the turian all the way to and out the door. But despite how insistent the woman was about his departure, the farewells at the door still took a long time before they concluded. Tali couldn't hear the soft words between the two. She could only see how they couldn't take their hands off of each other and how Shepard kept grating a demure kiss now and then… until they reluctantly parted and the commander returned to her seat, beckoning Tali over to sit nearer. The quarian did so. "Sorry if that was awkward at all. I think we've been dying for a chance just to touch each other similar to how we had the other day…"

"So long as I don't have to witness anything seriously intimate and intense, it's okay. I was for the two of you getting together, after all," the quarian reminded, still feeling the smile on her lips. After what she just saw, how could she not be a little delighted herself? If there were two people she knew that deserved someone, they were Shepard and Garrus and to see them developing into sweet lovers… it was just nice to know that even with all the problems within this galaxy, there were some happy moments to be found.

she just hoped that the future only held happiness for the two…

"Yeah… and thanks. My god… I don't think I've felt this… feverish around a guy for a _long_ time," the infiltrator returned, wearing something of an utterly blissful smile on her lips, staring at the floor as if lost in thought before giving a sudden giggle. Something she silence quickly. "Oh. Sorry about that…"

But Tali could only laugh, enjoying the chance to see this side of the commander. "You really do like him, don't you? I've never seen you this… delighted."

"Well, that trap we had to deal with a few hours ago almost put a damper on thing," Shepard scoffed even as the smile remained on her lips, as though it were a permanent feature now. "But… god! I can't stop thinking of that damn turian! He just… oh, I don't know how to put it…"

"So what did happen the other day? You were gone for some time," Tali had to say, so eager to hear. She knew the aftermath, certainly. But that wasn't enough.

"Well… I can't remember everything. I know we talked about a lot of things. Sidonis, the Collectors, Garrus's life in the military… and of course all the teasing and flirting that goes in-between," the human murmured, laying her head back, relaxing and seeming to be lost in idyllic thoughts. "I can't really remember what exactly was said, but I did eventually let him know that I was interested in him… in _that_ way. And Tali… he practically_ jumped_ at the opportunity. He was surprised, but he didn't seem at all hesitant and then… I just want to go back to the time I spent with him in the shuttle afterwards. He just… he was so enthralling. I'm never going to want to forget what that time with him felt like.

"But dammit… it only makes the anticipation for something more into a wait that's pure torture. And today wasn't even enough of an appetizer. I just… I want to drag him back in here and…" The commander swiftly caught herself, giving a laugh as she shook her head before sighing, looking back at the quarian with both apologies and delight. "Sorry… I just can't stop thinking about him."

"That's clearly evident," Tali gave an amused laugh before reaching a hand over to grasp Shepard's, unable to convey her delight by visible expressions but wanting something other than her words and tone to express how much she hoped for the best and was delighted for her friend. Her best friend. Shepard didn't deal her with the prejudice most others held against her people. Not only did she accept Tali's offer to help, but she tried to make her feel a part of the crew, evident by how she'd spend her off-duty time with her, Garrus, and Wrex, even Ashley, who eventually warmed up to the alien presence before those last days preceding Virmire; Liara had been too embarrassed to join them, part being social inept as well as being rejected by Shepard while Kaiden never seemed to relax enough to join. And Shepard had proved herself to be a greater friend that Tali could have ever expected to ever have when the commander gave her the geth data she requested. That data had completed her pilgrimage and allowed the young quarian to live up to the expectations her people had for her… and even impress her father. While she could never say that she was close to her father, she did seem to gain his respect and trust, so much more than Tali could have ever hoped for.

It was only because of everything Shepard did.

And that was what seemed to make up Shepard's life, in the time that Tali knew the woman. How often did the woman think about the people around her, those that relying on her, how to help them and make their lives better… while ignoring whatever needs she had? She imagined that the commander understood life in a way the quarians did as well. That survival truly depended on helping everyone, not oneself and seeing the improvements one made was so much more gratifying than focusing on oneself; the quarian people would be amazed to find such within a soul outside of their culture, just as Tali had been amazed. She had thought that was how Shepard thought of herself, because it was a genuine desire to help those around her.

Maybe it was, but after the defeat of Saren and Sovereign, Tali also noticed something else from the commander.

There was a sense of weariness and pessimism that came over the woman.

The quarian couldn't blame her. After everything the Spectre had done, the Council still did not take the Reaper threat seriously. Even the Alliance hadn't. And the woman had grown frustrated to only be sent after speculated geth activity when they all knew they needed to look for more into how to stop the Reapers themselves.

Not only that, but while Tali had always had misgivings about the commander's relationship with Kaidan, she had always hoped that it might have helped Shepard. Realizing the soldiers' romantic involvement, the engineering genius was certain that Shepard did need someone tending to her own needs and desires as she aided others and thought Kaidan might be able to fulfill such for the woman. She never knew what to think though as Shepard never appeared to be any better after some time spent with the biotic. But now she knew of the fights and the supposed jealousy.

And all of it made Tali feel horrible.

Shepard lost a friend on Virmire, had no lover to give her solace, and the lives that had been saved by her did not trust her. Shepard did so much and it seemed like she got nothing back. It had seemed that the only thing the soldier had aside from the company of friends that did bring laughter to her, was the woman's family, but only had a few days to visit during the trip she had made to share her condolences with Ashley's family. Tali had not gone on that trip – Shepard had gone alone – but she did see how relieved, though a little sad the woman had been on her return. It was good to know that at least Shepard had a loving family, one that even now were constantly reminding her commander to tell them when they could see her again.

But Tali wanted to see Shepard have _everything_ she could want. She deserved it.

And she hoped that Garrus would be the lover that Kaidan could not. She was at least certain that the turian would do a better job at making Shepard happy; the two had always seemed to enjoy each other's company.

"Shepard… I hope this works out. I really do. I've never seen you this happy, but I hope you can stay this happy from now on… despite everything that's going on."

The human granted her a delighted smile, her hand taking a firm hold of the quarian's. "Thanks Tali. I thought that I was lucky enough to have you and Garrus traveling with me to hell again. I didn't think I could hope for more," she murmured before setting her bottle down on the table then throwing her arms around the younger's frame, embracing her tightly. "Thanks, Tali. For everything. Being here, trusting me… and trying to get me to go after Garrus. Thanks.

"I don't know if things are going to be any better from here on out, but… at least I've had a chance to be happier than I have been for a long time. And it's only because of you and Garrus both…"

"You've done a lot for us, Shepard," Tali whispered, her arms around the older woman and hugging her tightly as well. "I want to help you any way I can and I want to try to do for you what you've done for me… especially after everything that's happened to you…"

"Thanks," Shepard nodded, her voice still quiet and both women lingering in the embrace until the commander slowly began to pry away, her brow eyes glistening even as a small smile crept onto her lips. "Now we just need to find you a nice man. I've been thinking that Kal'Reeger guy with you Haestrom might be a cute match for you…"

All Tali could think was how she didn't know whether or not she was glad Shepard could not see the utter disbelief that had crossed the quarian's face.

* * *

**Endnote:** So, I just wanted another chapter a bit more on focus with Tali and Janelle's friendship and... eh, that's all I have to say about that aspect.

Anyhow, I know I said that Garrus is drinking beer in this and honestly, I have no idea how accurate that is. I'm not sure what is the galactic equal of beer is since, if what I read is correct, beer is a human thing (Yay to the greatness of lager! I don't drink beer. I'm a Yuengling gal. XP Totally different). Anyhow... so if you have a better idea of what Garrus might be having, let me know. I'm not even very knowledgeable when it comes to real life alcohol. All I know is I can drink Yuengling, not beer and I love Mudslides because it's chocolate, milkshake, and alcohol... how can you get better? That and I like trying out different cocktails. Other than that... I suck in the world of alcohol. (I have no real clue what this has in relation to the story...)

R&R ... and enjoy. ^_^


	8. Yearning

**Misc: **So... guess what? I've added some lime here. XP Honestly, it's a little... baffling to work with a turian and a human, but I couldn't resist the attempt. And this chapter possessed me 'til I finished it.

Anyhow, this chapter starts to delve more into what the other characters think of Garrus and Janelle, if you've been hoping to read that sort of thing.

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

He didn't know what to expect now. What could he have thought to expect?

Until things started to slow down after that jaunt on the Collector ship, Garrus hadn't had much of a chance to let all the implications and repercussions of sleeping with Shepard settle in. He knew that there would be issue given their races; as he told Tali, he didn't imagine that human would quite enjoy knowing that the best of them wanted to become sexual involved with a turian. But he only really thought that would be a concern if their… agreement became public knowledge, something he had doubted, just as he had thought the rest of the Normandy's crew could remain ignorant of what exactly that _date_ at Dark Star had entailed. He thought that things could go along normally – any flirtation between he and Shepard would be hardly any different from the banter everyone was already aware of – and if anything more was to happen, he imagined that waiting until they had some privacy would solve that issue.

But as he lay in his bunk after the first decent sleep he had in days… Garrus began to worry what the hell he and Shepard were getting themselves into.

Despite how they agreed to keep this discreet, thinking with a clear mind, he knew that plan would fail; if there was one thing his life in the military, C-Sec, and on Omega had seemed to drill into him, it was that even the most carefully thought through plans would one day fall through. He knew that there was too much of a chance that things would slip up in staying discreet. In fact, everything had already been unraveled before anything had begun.

Tali was right. The rumor had been about for some time now. If people aboard didn't already think there was something between him and the commander, it wouldn't take much to let them figure out that the rumor wasn't simple speculation anymore; it was the truth. Shepard _did_ hold a certain interest in her turian gunnery officer.

Then there was the issue of the lack of privacy given that there was that damn AI, EDI, always watching, especially over Shepard's room.

Suddenly, he was reluctant about _everything_. This wasn't anything like Garrus had been through before and he forgot that the other day. In the turian military, the recon scout or any other female he had been with, none of them had been of a rank that might be compromising in any way. And while this Normandy was a civilian vessel and there were no actual rules on fraternization, Shepard was still their commander; that could spell trouble for _anyone_ getting involved with the woman, no matter the species. And on this mission, trouble was not something they could afford.

Really what was he thinking when he accepted that damn proposal? _Aside_ from the fact that he realized he was lucky to appeal to Shepard's tastes and that there had been more than just friendship that had kept him enjoying his time with her and _wanting_ to fight at her side. Aside from _that_… what the hell was he doing?

He couldn't help but constantly mull over his pessimistic thoughts while lingering in his bunk, before finally forcing himself up to make himself presentable and grab some breakfast. But Garrus hardly paid attention to the world around him, finding it hard to concentrate on anything other than the thoughts that had consumed him since waking.

Though he wasn't so possessed by his thoughts that he didn't notice how the table was jerked by a slam.

But he had still been distracted enough to be caught off guard.

"Shit, Turian. Never saw your kind jump like some kind of wimpy kid," Jack muttered as she sat across from Garrus. "You must be fucked up, right? I thought you bastards were supposed to be warriors that were the fucking shit. Some shit that no one sees your back unless you're dead or some other bullshit…"

"Like you said… it's bullshit," the vigilante grumbled, turning his gaze away from the psycho as the sudden shock faded and tried to return to his meal while wishing that this annoyance would disappear one way or another. Part of why he didn't bother countering Jack. Didn't matter. He was feeling resentful towards his own kind to care to defend them. "The turians sure as hell didn't seem to make an impact when Soveriegn attacked…"

"Got caught with their pants down… fuck yeah," the lithe woman gave an evil cackle, one that somehow prompted the turian to glance her way again. This time he found himself doing something he never imagined he would do.

He found his eyes roaming over the scantily clad torso of the female.

It was nothing like he had suddenly developed a fetish with humans and wanted to start fucking whichever one he came across. It had nothing to do with him finding Jack attractive. In fact, it was the exact opposite. He found Jack hideous in his eyes. He didn't know why because he couldn't understand. If it was because of the lack of femininity in how skinny she was, how her skin was covered with tattoos, and her shaved head, that made no sense; turian females were far from being epitomes of femininity and the ones that were closer to being so, Garrus had always had a disdain for.

All he knew was that looking over Jack, he wondered what was appealing about these creatures, trying to remember why he was so feverish to let his hand roam Shepard's body, in that shuttle. He didn't know why he now forgot what it was like to touch and breathe the woman in, forgetting what was so appealing about the feel of her skin, the smell. And looking at Jack… it made him wonder how he ever thought screwing a human was appealing…

"Look if you got something for humans and want to fuck, give me a damn good reason why I should let you."

Again he jerked, but this time her off guard reaction was accompanied by a threatening growl and the involuntary action of baring his teeth as deadly anger flared in his blood. He almost leapt at her with the desire to attack for making that suggestion. He had no idea what it was that held him back.

Especially as, annoyingly, Jack just stared at him jadedly.

"Don't try to fuck with me, Turian," she snapped, her body going taunt, obviously ready for a fight, just begging for him to taunt him into attacking. "I can tell a leer when I see one. They travel across species well enough…"

As much as Garrus knew that staring at the woman had hardly been an appropriate decision, he was in no state of mind to admit his error. "You're just so damn bloodthirsty that you want to start something for a damn passing glance."

"That was no passing glance, you fuck ass!" Jack snarled, slamming a fist down into the table, a hit intensified by her biotics and leaving a nasty dent. Garrus didn't care and kept his grimace on her face. "Besides I figured you had some fucking fetish for humans, that way you follow Shepard, looking to fuck her pussy…"

Nothing could have been more effective to shove him out of his rage and back into shock, his eyes wide as he stared at the furious biotic. As much as he knew about the rumor, he had yet to hear anyone bluntly shout anything related to it in his face.

"Oh, don't give me that look. Everyone knows that you're after that damn soldier's ass and she got some fixation with the only turian cock to be found on this ship…"

As much as he should have been prepared to this sort of vulgar talk, not only because he did expect this from Jack but because of his work in C-Sec and on Omega… he wasn't. And he couldn't find his find to respond at all.

At least though Jack didn't continue blathering and she no longer had her focus on him solely.

"Jack, I do believe that speaking of our commander and a fellow teammate is an unwise course of action," the mystic voice of Samara sounded as she strode across the mess hall to the kitchen where Gardner nervously regarded the human psycho and turian – Garrus didn't blame the mess sergeant for avoiding getting between the two of them.

Jack immediately dropped her threatening stance, falling back into her seat and scarfing down her food. But not without throwing a glare over at the asari, whose biotic power made it so the justicar was the only one, aside from Shepard, that caused Jack to give pause. But her glare didn't last long on Samara before she was glowering at Garrus again. "Don't you dare try to pull that 'passing glance' bullshit on me again…"

"There's nothing worth bothering a second look," he scoffed, doing his best to return to his meal as well. Unfortunately he was realizing that his appetite had met a swift end. He would have stopped eating if the last day or so hadn't forced him to get by with the minimum necessary nutrition. But he figured he'd handle dealing with Jack's presence a little longer, given she was almost down with her food.

She had just stuffed the last morsel in her mouth when Samara came to the table, a move that made Garrus hold back a groan while Jack threw another glare at the asari. But the nearly thousand-year-old creature sat down in a manner that amazed the turian, wondering how simply motions such aged and talented asari could make seem like graceful achievements.

Whether or not the neglect she had been dealt caused annoyance to the human female, Jack said nothing more, throwing her tray towards Gardner before storming back down to the elevator… at which point Samara seemed to be reminded of Jack's presence, glancing towards the other biotic before she quietly returned to her food.

The asari shared no words and Garrus felt his sense of taste return and his throat relax, allowing him to return to eating. Of course, just his luck, only a few mouthfuls had been swallowed before he was addressed once more.

"I certainly hope that's you have not gained a simple interest in the human figure as Jack accused," the asari replied easily, hardly using the vulgarity Jack had… but Garrus still felt that her words were no less 'dirty,' at least in what was being addressed. "It would not be a just action towards Shepard if you are interested in her for mere curiosity."

"I've served under Shepard before. Trust me. I know how foolish it is to do anything that risks pissing the commander off," he returned with a soft chuckle before continuing with his breakfast. But as the chuckle died off, he let himself relent a sigh. "So what? Is everyone convinced that I'm sleeping with Shepard now?"

"I would say that using Jack's opinion to ascertain the majority of the crew's thoughts is a rather absurd method. She tends to see things only as she would do things, not from the perspective of another," Samara said, her voice sounding as a soft mist even as it cared a rather jaded tone. "But to answer your question… while the truth is that many of us are wondering what exactly is transpiring between the two of you, most don't think sex has come into the picture. Either because of denial or the belief that something more would be different."

"And… where do you stand?"

"Why are you interested? If this is a mere rumor it is possible that it is untrue."

That urged Garrus to give a groan, the calm, even tone of the asari. "Please… don't do that right now. Twist logic around on me. I get enough of that from Shepard…"

"She is a smart woman. And good. She deserves a caring soul as a bondmate. And I believe that you, despite the aggression of your soul, suit her needs near perfectly," Samara stated, surprising Garrus as she stood, already finished with what had once occupied her bowl, baffling the turian as he wonder how she ate so fast and he had not noticed. "She has mentioned that you and the quarian are good friends, and for the second time is following her into the uncertain void of death. She trusts you and I do believe her trust is well placed.

"Thus I hope you will be as a bondmate should and think of what is best for her over your own desires."

It seemed that the justicar had disappeared as quickly as she had arrived and Garrus could not help but find himself staring the way she went, almost entranced by the slow, yet powerful strides of the monastic warrior. As much as he had always held a respect for the asari, particularly for their matriarchs, meeting a justicar had been a more humbling and awed experience than he would have ever expected.

And the words Samara left him with sounded as though he had just spoke with a matriarch as well.

His mind lost in rumination, Garrus gave up on breakfast. Though the decision wasn't only because he had no appetite, but because he felt he had lingered out in the open for far too long. Already he had run into Samara and Jack; he did not want to run into anyone else, especially Miranda. The thought actually made him speed his way past Gardner and into the gunnery control station to attempt to get his mind distracted by machinery and stay out of sight of everyone else. The latter reason succeeded, but the former… no such luck.

He couldn't concentrate at all on his calibration. He'd go through them, thinking he finished them just fine then run a double check to find them off. He gave up with a snarl after a few repetitions of the scenario, uncertain for a moment what to do now. If he couldn't run a few simple calibrations, he sure as hell wasn't going to attempt to optimize firing algorithms. And the thought made him give another frustrated growl to think he was this distracted. Even in the shuttle…

He suddenly felt himself freeze as his mind slipped back into the memory of a few days again.

Now that he found himself alone, with no other being corrupting his thoughts, he could almost remember how that day had gone. How his shock was suddenly replaced by a delight that he didn't understand nor question. All he could think at the moment was that he couldn't have found a woman that could have suited him more perfectly; simply, his work with C-Sec had exposed him to so many other cultures that he learned to adapt to understand _and_ enjoy, he had grown jaded to his own native customs.

He tried to recall every sensation that he had experience in the shuttle with Shepard, how his curiosity and intrigue had made him so very eager to discover who and what she was. The notion that a simple breath could make her stumble, squirm, and moan… it was amusing. And the silky, soft feel of her skin… his blood pumped hotly even now at the thought, wondering what those soft curves would feel like in contrast to the hard angles he was familiar with.

He jerked his head to the side, trying to force the lustful imaginations aside before giving a rather defeated groan. As if he really could hope to get her out of his head. He never had been able to. Even before this hormonal mess, since that first escapade with her, Shepard's influence had possessed his life. She was everything he had aspired to by dedicating herself to fighting for the good no matter what and when she died, it was impossible for him to let her legacy to disappear, at least in its essence. He was a failed disciple and could do her efforts no justice, but he had to try, to attempt to make it so that in some way she never left him.

And never did he find his life more purposeful nor beneficial than when he served with Shepard.

He wondered why he never saw it before that all this time… he really had been infatuated with the woman. Probably because of the sole fact that attaining anything more than a friendship with the woman he believed was impossible, that whatever he felt was simply a high degree of admiration and respect… that he had subconsciously refused to allow himself to see it as anything else.

He still was finding it unbelievable that Shepard had suggested that they 'blow off steam' together.

With a grunt, wanting to find something productive and distracting from the raging hormones within him, the turian leapt over the railing hoping that some manual work on the guns would fulfill that need. Right now however, Garrus found himself missing the Mako, performing tune-up jobs on it… despite having to deal with Shepard's reckless driving…

Another groan left him as he threw his head back, cursing himself for letting his mind wander back to that woman. Not that he imagined anyone could blame him, a woman that had honey-brown skin, soft to the touch; an engaging laugh that poured from a mouth with a tempting smirk; with a toned body that evoked some of the most mind-numbing, crazed desires he had known…

Again he gave a frustrated growl, realizing just where his thoughts were traveling.

And this time he heard an amused laugh in accompaniment, just before a voice called out lightly, "So what's driving my gunnery officer mad today?"

Garrus jerked his head around to stare at the speaker, part surprised, yet also expecting of Shepard's appearance, the commander leaning her crossed arms against the railing and smirking down at him. He wonder if she was smirking because she had an inkling of what was going through his head right now. Knowing her, that was a completely possible scenario.

Especially as she not only wore a low-cut tank but also he could tell she wore no bra.

He forced his gaze away and back to the guns, fidgeting nervously as he tried to find an answer to her question without telling her that he was just daydreaming about fucking her. That would have been tactful. He eventually gave in with a vague, "I'm just frustrated."

"Obviously. Heard you and Jack almost got into a fight. Really, Garrus… picking a fight with a crazy, insane biotic is not the wisest decision…"

"I didn't pick it. She did," he muttered, hoping that Sheaprd didn't hear how the fight got started…

"Oh? I heard it was because you were giving her some rather… lecherous stares…"

Great…

"Care to elaborate?"

"Are you going to hear me out?" he gave a sigh, well aware that even turian females had a tendency to jump to conclusions. And he wouldn't even blame Shepard if she did. He really should have kept his eyes off of Jack's breasts… even if the damn psycho paraded around with nothing to hide them.

The human gave a sigh and said, "Garrus, you know I _try_ to be reasonable. And I've never had any complaints of you like this before. And given the happenstance of a certain situation… I just want to know what's going on.

"I'm hoping that I didn't suddenly awaken some weird fetish for you…"

"That you really don't have to worry about," he sighed as well, giving up on trying to avoid eye contact as well as attempting to do any sort of work with this woman around. "But I don't know exactly how to put it…"

"Why? Because it's something I don't want to hear?"

"No," he snapped quickly, jerking onto his feet as he did. It was rather abrupt and probably a little perplexing why he reacted as he did, at least maybe for Shepard, but it was on impulse, urged on by a sudden worry that she had invoked. He had heard the taint of offense and worry in the woman's voice, which had made Garrus worry that she thought his interest in her was waning. He didn't want her thinking that. Not now. "Jack's not at all appealing to me, if that's what you're thinking. She's as likely as to kill me as to fuck me… neither of which I'd enjoy to experience," he added quickly as he strode up towards the railing.

The Spectre gave a subdued nod, which hardly eased the vigilante's senses. Not as he noticed how her eyes seemed to gather tears. And not as she uttered, "Because it's Jack… or because she's a human…"

"Because she's Jack," he replied quickly, reaching up for her hand and grasping. He was glad to feel her hand tightened around his, her eyes pleading with him.

"So… what was going on, Garrus? I don't like it when I can't get a proper explanation…"

"I wouldn't blame you. It's just… I don't…" He gave another sigh before he released her hand and ducked under the railing to climb up onto the deck where she stood. He wanted to step in close and hold her. Both of them were wearing casual wear – armor wasn't hindering either of them today – and her arms were bare; he wanted to feel her yielding frame properly against his thick hide and touch her soft skin once more. But the door was still open and right now he was terrified to discover what would happen behind closed doors for them.

So he stood a far distance from her and whispered his answer. "I… I'm just confused. About what we talked about. You and me… blowing off steam, easing tension. Just… Shepard, it's just that I've never considered cross-species intercourse before." He paused and grimaced, eventually muttering, "Dammit. Saying it that way doesn't help. That just sounds… clinical and dirty."

"Garrus, if you're trying to say that you don't want this…"

"That's not what I'm saying at all, Shepard," he interrupted, his hands itching to take hold of hers, but he knew that right now he couldn't. Not while they were open to the sight of others. And there were several sitting out in the mess now. And Garrus caught the passing glances. "Just… is it hard to believe that I'm a little confused about this, about why I agreed to this…"

"No, but all I'm hearing is that you _don't _want this and… all right, forget I said anything," she relented with a sigh, stepping away and turning towards the door…

Sending a panic over Garrus.

He didn't stop to think as cold dread rushed through his body, reacting on impulse. His hand flew over the console behind him, signaling the door to slam shut and lock. But before the metal clamp had sounded, Garrus swiftly closed the distance between the two of them, his hand grasping Shepard by the wrist, practically throwing her forward as he shoved her back up against the bulkhead. He heard her gasp, caught a glimpse of surprise in her beautifully warm eyes, heard his name pass through her lips… but the lull had only lasted for the moment he was able to throw of his visor. Then he was nuzzling her neck, not unlike that time they had been alone in the public shuttle.

His breath was shallow and rapid and perfectly in tune with the short, pleading gasps the human female gave. She shuddered and trembled in his arms, exciting his predator instincts as he subconsciously acknowledged how much more fragile a human was compared to a turian; it was a fact he enjoyed as his mandibles fluttered, one feeling the caress of her silky skin and sending a certain tingle down his spine. But whatever frailty he thought she had was contradicted to the strength in her hands and arms as she clung to him – one arm around his waist and a hand seizing his shoulder – with such a death grip, Garrus was sure it would take an amazing effort to break free of her.

But separating his body from her was a notion far from his mind as her scent invaded his senses. Faint, sweet, tempting… and driving him crazy. She was tantalizing and in his heady state, he remembered the subtly delectable taste of her skin he had sampled the time he had almost bit her. Again his mouth closed around the joint of her neck, a jerk rippling through her body… before a shrill cry fled her as he slid his tongue over her skin.

"Oh… god, Garrus!" she gasped, her breathing erratic as her chest rose and fled with each short breath… before she gave another gasp as he moved his mouth upwards and licked the edge of her jaw. "Oh hell, you damn turian…"

"You deserve it," he murmured lowly against her skin, slipping his tongue behind her ear, urging another gasp and shudder from her before he pulled away, his mandibles giving a gentle shake of amusement. "Still think I don't want this?"

"I can't even think right now," she said between heavy breaths which grew faster as he pressed himself against her, pinning her securely against the wall as he felt a slight sense of relief come over him, gaining an idea of what her 'soft' body felt like. Her skin was soft… but the muscle beneath was hard and firm, an interesting sensation certainly. Though not nearly as interesting as the feel of her soft, firm breasts were. Well… interesting and maddening.

"Aside from 'this is one hot turian?'" he teased, perhaps a little too confidently, but it wasn't his fault if he knew it was the truth. Both from his experience with turians and Shepard; she was a little too willing and responsive to _not_ be driven as mad by him as he was by her.

And she did tell him she preferred him cocky to worrisome.

"You goddamn cocky bastard," she growled, but the hunger in her eyes was too clear for him to think she was mad. Mad with lust maybe… "Am I going to have to kick your ass around?"

"Only if I'm slamming yours…"

"I… you…" she gasped, her mouth falling open as she blinked up at him with shock. When she found her voice again, it was quiet… and tentative. "So… you do want to still? You haven't changed your mind?"

"No," he whispered, leaning back down to gently nuzzle her neck once more, this time giving affectionate purrs as his hands took a secure, but tender hold of her bare shoulders. "I've been having too many dreams about you to let this go. At least easily."

"Thank God. You almost scared me," she murmured, her own head falling forward as her arms embraced him desperately. Then her hands were at his chest, shoving Garrus away as she stared up at him. "But wait… you still didn't tell me what was going on with Jack. You said you were confused about… about having sex with me, a human…"

He had to blink at her blunt words. Not that he wasn't used to her brutal honesty, but he knew she was usually a bit more tactful. Though… she also had a tendency to bring up something that usually didn't want to be discussed, but needed to be… like what happened with Sidonis and this incident with Jack.

Why the hell did she have to remember her earlier questions?

"So you're not confused about the idea at all? You've wondered about having sex with a turian plenty of times?"

Her immediate response was a shocked cough before she pushed away from him and stepped aside. "What?! No… I…" Then she gave a soft laugh, shaking her head before smiling up at him. "Alright, I get it.

"But I still want to know what that has to do with Jack…"

"Well, because… she's human. And a female. And… she was there," he mumbled out, taking a step back from her as well, his mandibles twitching with nervousness, hoping he wasn't fucking this up excessively. "Just… I was trying to figure out what it is about you that is driving me crazy, how I find you appealing when you're nothing like a turian, and… I could only find Jack's figure appalling."

"Oh," she whispered, hugging herself and… dammit, he saw how her forearms pressed against her breasts shoving them together and upwards, making them appear more pronounced. He wanted to feel them again… hold them. At least until her words blew his heady thoughts out of his mind. "So… do you find my body appalling?"

"In comparison to Jack? I've seen more of her than you," he said bluntly and unthinking.

And regretting that he had done so.

An awkward silence came over them as he felt Shepard's eyes bore into his, a sense of shock within. He didn't blame her. He might as well have told her to take her shirt off so he could make a precise comparison. It wouldn't have made a difference. Either way he sounded like an ass.

"Huh, I wasn't trying to say… that… well," he tried to apologize, but stumbled over his words, unable to come out and say anything. If he did, would she have thought that he now found human females disgusting and he didn't want to see her? That wasn't his thought at all, not as he stared at how she looked today.

He did enjoy seeing her in her new outfit the other day and realized that while she was a soldier through and through, she didn't lack in fashion sense. But… there was something about her tech-savvy and aptitude with firearms that made him appreciate the woman she was, how she didn't mind getting her hands dirty, either working on her armaments or even the ship itself. And right now, she looked like a grunge mechanic with that slack, white tank; a pair of loose, grease-stained work jeans, similar to what she wore on the old Normandy when working; and her combat boots.

She looked as far from an epitome of femininity as Jack did… but she didn't lose any of the appeal.

And he didn't know how to say that, to kill the silence that consumed them.

Shepard shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her gaze darting back and forth nervously before he watched her move towards the crate that she would sit on something when speaking to him. He gave a helpless sigh, wondering how much longer they wouldn't speak to each other… and if _now_ she might have second thoughts.

Dammit, why was he having such a hard time saying the right thing around Shepard?

Watch him blow this like so many other things in his life…

"Shepard, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" Garrus stopped mid-sentence as he watched her trembling hands move to the hem of her tank and slowly peel the sloth away from her body and up. He felt his throat tighten and his eyes go wide as he watched her bare her stomach to him. Then her ribs, and… he sucked in his breath, taking a tentative step forward, mesmerized as he took in the sight of her naked breasts.

She dropped her shirt, her hands coming together at her waist with her fingers fidgeting and head low. "They're not the, huh… 'best example' of breasts," she began in a whisper as she bit her lip and her shoulders shivered. "Miranda's would be more appropriate for that. They're bigger and fuller. Mine aren't much bigger than Jack's, so…"

"They're not appalling," he cut in, still nervous about closing the distance between them, but did so now if at least to allay any insecurities she had at the thought of his revulsion, a revulsion that was completely nonexistent. He didn't know what he expected when they'd put his reach and her flexibility to the test, but he wasn't at all surprised to find himself as amused and amazed as he was to see her standing before him half-naked.

She was right. Her breasts weren't much bigger than Jack's, but he felt that they were fuller, a bit more pronounced. And her body was definitely more fleshed out than the biotic, even if it was just as toned. But he could see the faint definitions of her muscle much easier on the soldier before him. Then there was the soft, flawless tan of her skin in comparison to Jack's paleness and chaotic assortment of tattoos. Nothing marred her body except for a few scars and those only seemed to add to how fascinating he found her willingness to do what was needed, not shying away from difficult situations.

He wondered how difficult she found taking off her shirt in front of a turian…

"Thanks, but… I'm sorry the human you get isn't perfect," Shepard muttered, her eyes still avoiding his as her finger began to trace a scar on her stomach. "I'm a poor example…"

"You're the only example I want," he interrupted her again, now standing before her and reaching one hand to her jaw and lifting her face up to his. She looked uncertain, but hopeful and he couldn't help but give a light flap of relief with his mandibles. "You probably have heard enough from others about how beautiful you are…"

A sense of lightness descended as Shepard gave a scoff and rolled her eyes before staring up at him jadedly. "I'm a soldier, Garrus. I usually hear from other guys how I'm not feminine enough or they're too scared the even speak."

"Can you blame them? You can drill a hole between their eyes from a hundred meters," he pointed out with a chuckle, enjoying the smile that cracked onto her lips. "And you can be very brutal in a fight."

"So… are you one of those scared men?"

"A little. Can't help but be daunted to stand before the great Commander Shepard. Even when she's half-naked."

"Garrus!" she cried indignantly as she slapped his shoulder then made a grimace. "Obviously you're not scared enough to be teasing me like this."

"Obviously…"

"So I have to ask…"

"Yes?"

"Why so scared to touch my breasts? They're on display. I hate when they are and they aren't being appreciated."

Now it was his turned to be speechless, his eyes darting from her fact to her breasts and back. "I… you actually… you're telling me to… you don't mind?"

"I took my shirt off for you, didn't I? Of course I'm sure," she return, grasping his free hand and guiding it to her breast, reminding him how she let this same hand pass over her body that time in the shuttle.

But he broke his arm away from her grasp before his talons could even brush against her breasts. She gave an incensed huff, but fell silent as he grasped her by the shoulders and pushed her down. Shepard amazed him by obeying the directive, sitting down by the crate as he knelt by her side. He braced one arm on the crate, sliding the other hand down from her shoulder, over the side of her breast, to her stomach. She gave a soft jerk then moved to slide her body between his legs and moved his hand back to her breast with a sharp intake. He took the hint and settled his hand fully over her soft, warm breast, feeling his blood heat as she gave a shudder and lashed one hand to grab him by the neck. He gave a chuckle before leaning down, once against letting his mouth and tongue tend to her neck even as his hand fondled her breast.

If she was restless in the shuttle, she was worse now. Her body didn't stay still. She was constantly squirming and pressing in close. Her hands gripped and tugged at his shirt, only to make her grow frustrated as he did nothing to help her undress him. But she was growing impatient and he knew that an impatient Shepard was never a good thing.

At least while she in control of her senses.

He wanted to make her lose them…

With a dark chuckle, Garrus shoved the crate aside. The human gave a startled gasp as she fell back, but his hand took hold of her head before she crashed her skull against the metal floor. Though he gently lowered her head to the floor, the moment of care fled quickly as he returned to his lustful play with her body. His hand at her breast now took one of her nipples between his two talons, amused by how her peak had hardened and stood erect. A low rumble pressed up from his chest as Shepard arched her back and gave a shrill cry before a continuous string of pleading moans fell from her lips, her hands gripping onto his back, attempting to drag him down to her. Garrus obeyed, finding no reason not to, especially as he wanted to come closer to that soft, warm body of hers. After all, her reactions where more engaging the closer his body was to hers. And he enjoyed tasting her body, experiencing the responses she gave as he breathed against her skin or – as he discovered this time – as slipped his tongue against her skin.

An intriguing thought passed through his mind and he didn't think twice before acting on it.

Which involved sliding down along her body and taking her unattended nipple in his mouth, teasing the pink perk with his tongue.

Hell, she was screaming and thrashing about now, gasping with both raging ire and insane desire, her finger nails attempting to shred the back of his shirt. It only made him more amused and aroused, darkly laughing without ceasing as he continued what must be sweet torture on her body. But he had his own torment that he was dealing with, a torment that made him absently pry one of Shepard's hands from his back and drag it down to his groin…

"Oh…" she gave a gasp as her body went still and her hand grasped his erect arousal. Her hand rolled against his member, still barred from her by his pants, but not at all easing the sensation he gained, both maddening and delicious. Garrus couldn't concentrate enough to continue teasing her breasts, shifting instead to rest his forehead in the crook of her neck, breathing shortly and heavily against her skin as his hand released hers and now braced against the cold metal beneath them. And now the only movement he could make in his state was the thrusting of his hips into her hand.

She gave a laugh, impish but light as she took her chance to tease him. The sound of her amusement died quickly however, replaced by her yearning moans even as she turned her head to press gentle kisses over his face. He gave a repressed sigh at the feather-light brush of her lips, silently bemoaning how he never had a chance to feel this sort of tenderness before Shepard… but also delighting in the thought; he didn't want to think another could compare to this woman and whatever he had the chance to experience with her, he didn't want it to ever blend into a memory of another either before or after – something he hoped would never happen but reluctantly had to acknowledge was fully possible.

After all… was it really right for him to expect that he could ever have this mystifying creature all to himself?

"Garrus… dammit! I can't take this anymore!" she snapped impatient as her other hand gripped his that still lingered at her breast and jerked his limb downward.

"Shepard, wait!" he cried out, jerking upwards and attempting to drag his hand back to him. She forced his hand down too quickly and too close to her skin; he was worried his talons would hurt her.

But her hold was too strong for him to pull out of and his attempt to fist his hand to shield his talons away from her worked against him. Instead of shielding her skin from his sharp claws, he only made it possible to rip through the skin of her abdomen more viciously than he would have if he went along with her action. Instead now there were two dreadful slashes not far from her belly button.

He sat upright now, staring down that the wounds and feeling utter grief in seeing what he did to Shepard and realizing that maybe it was best that whatever they had agreed to they forgot. He didn't want to think about that, but… between the violent tendencies of turian sex and all his physical attributes that were well suited for an animalistic predator, there really was too much of a chance to hurt the human during such an uninhibited act.

"How bad does it feel?" he asked quietly and regretfully as he helped her to sit up against the wall, only feeling worse as she gave a wince and inhaled sharply.

"It's just annoying," she shrugged rather easily, absently brushing her hand against her wounds and gazing down at the blood now on her hand. "It probably just looks worse than it really is."

"You're in pain," he countered.

Shepard only scoffed however. "And a nick to the skin hurts like hell but it's not worth anyone's attention."

"This is in _need_ of attention, Shepard," he pointed out sternly as he took hold of her shirt and gave it to her. But she made no attempt to replace it. "You need to get this tended to. You need to see Dr. Chakwas."

"No, I don't," she bit back, just as challenging, still pressing a hand to her stomach. "I just need some medi-gel and this will be hardly a footnote in my life."

"Ok. You're right," he groaned with frustration as he stood, giving in as he hoped that she'd put her tank back on and go to the medical ward. "We'll go get some you some. So, put your shirt on."

"No… _you'll_ get me some medi-gel," she continued to rebuff. "If I go to the ward, Chakwas will fuss over me and then we'll _both_ get a lecture we don't need. Besides… this doesn't need a doctor's attention."

He gave another groan, giving up. He wasn't in the mood to stand here and argue with her. He could carry her if he wanted, but that wouldn't help them in regards to the rumor. And she still kept her shirt off. If she wasn't going to put it on, he wasn't going to take the time to wrestle her back in it. Not as blood still oozed from her cuts.

Turning swiftly, he stormed out of the gunnery control station, waiting until the doors slid shut before he made his way towards the mess hall and the ward. And running into Thane.

"What was going on in there?" he questioned with his hoarse voice, casting concerned stares in the direction Garrus had come from. "We heard screaming a moment ago. Is Shepard in there? Is she all right?"

The turian only glared at the drell… before hearing snickering nearby. He spun around to see Tali and Kelly both sitting in the mess hall as well. Not a sight that eased the tension gathering in his shoulders.

And neither did what he heard next.

"I always wondered if Shepard meant anything when she mentioned that dangerous men fit into her life," Kelly continued to snicker behind her hand. "Alenko's profile didn't make him sound like he'd match that stereotype…"

"Whatever she wants to do with her time is her business, not yours," Garrus snarled, unaware of how he had pulled back his mandibles to bare his fangs. He recalled that Kelly had a hand with the rumor when it first spread and that Shepard had an aversion towards psychologists after the number of them she had to deal with after Akuze, even after her psych evaluation proved her to be fit for duty. And with Kelly's 'bubbly,' and naïve personality, he only found more than enough reasons to not wish to deal with the redheaded human.

"Not my fault if you're loud enough to heard even past _these_ bulkheads," the human grumbled, turning away and back to her food, just as the enraged vigilante faced the assassin once more.

"Krios… _move_," she snarled lowly, letting a growl rumbled from deep within his chest.

But Thane remained steadfast before Garrus, not holding a fearsome glare on the turian, but a stern one. One that was pissing Garrus of…

"Hey, Krios, you shouldn't worry about Shepard if Garrus is with her," Tali quickly spoke up, jumping up from her seat and moving to stand by the two men.

"He is not with her. Not at the moment," the drell countered, his gaze not breaking away from Garrus's.

"Then he has a reason," Tali continued before Garrus had a chance to snarl his reasoning, the quarian shoving her way between them and pushing them apart. They both relented to step back. "Krios, trust me. I know Garrus and there's no one that means more to him than the commander.

"He would never intentionally harm Shepard."

"I hope you are right, Tali'Zorah," Thane muttered, relenting to gaze down at the female between them then stepped away, but not without a last glower Garrus's way.

But the turian didn't care. No one was in his way now; Tali had quickly stepped out of his way, though she followed after him.

"Garrus… what is going on? You two aren't… in there, are you?"

He just scoffed, not wanting to answer that. If his talons hadn't gotten in the way, he imagined that another scream might be piercing the air right now… and he didn't know how he felt about that.

"If Shepard wants you to know, she'll tell you," was all he answered, shoving past Tali and into the medical ward, his hasty entrance enough to call Dr. Chakwas's attention to him.

"Vakarian? Is something a matter?" the elderly woman questioned with concern… enough to make the turian's anger to fade. He would have preferred if Shepard had come her to see the doctor instead of him coming here for a few supplies.

"I just need a few alcohol wipes and a pack of medi-gel. Shepard hurt herself on some machinery," he lied, knowing that the doctor would have probed him for the reason of his presence. Better to come out with some excuse now before he ended up blurting out the truth…

_We were in the middle of some foreplay that didn't work out smoothly._ As if he'd need to deal with that statement.

"Constantly trying to do some work around here, isn't she?" Chakwas chuckled, standing to gather the few items requested and returning to stand before Garrus… but she did not hand the items over yet. "It would have been easier for her to just come here. Why didn't she? She's not hurt too badly, is she?"

_No, just refusing to throw on a shirt_, he thought but instead said, "She figured you'd fuss over her if she came to you. You know how she gets when she feel underestimated."

"Ah, yes. Always trying to be our indomitable leader," she chuckled, just about to hand over the items… before pulling her hands back as her brows cocked with concerned curiosity. That wasn't a good thing. "Vakarian, I have to ask… is the rumor true at all? That you and Shepard are romantically involved?"

He expected the question, but still, it didn't stop Garrus from jerking as he began to desperately wish the old woman would just hand over the items. "I, ah… we… we haven't had sex, if that's what you mean," he blurted out, unable to deny the truth, but not wanting to say it either.

"That wasn't my question. I asked if you are romantically involved. Not sexually."

He gulped. "No," he said, telling himself that whatever was happening between wasn't really romantic. Passionate maybe, lustful, certainly, but romantic… he didn't think he should believe it was like that.

Not if this had a high chance of not working out.

The doctor watched him cagily, but neither one of them said a thing until the human finally sighed and dumped the medical supplies in Garrus's hands. The turian gave a short statement of thanks and began to rush for the door, but stopped as Chakwas spoke before he got two steps away.

"I'm just worried that Shepard is still suffering from what Alenko said to her and that she might be latching onto the closest person to her. And I know she's had you on her mind ever since the terrible incident on Omega. Threw a fit when she couldn't be in the room as we worked on you and Taylor couldn't calm her down as she waited.

"And I did remember how broken you looked after the first Normandy was destroyed. You seemed more lost than even Alenko did. You've always seemed to be the kind who would take a bullet for her and do whatever you could for her, even if it wasn't something you agreed to, one hundred percent."

"Any of us from the old crew would have done the same," Garrus reasoned, turning around to speak to the woman even though all he wanted to do was run out the door. The fact that Shepard was bleeding was part of it too…

"Would we? Alenko certainly didn't return to this crew. And I know Dr. T'Soni had her reasons to remain on Ilium, but she's not here either, now is she?" Chakwas challenge, returning to her seat. "All that she has of the old crew are Joker, myself, Tali… and you. And the two of you do have kindred souls.

"I'm just hoping you two don't do something you'll end up regretting…"

"We're not," he said, not sure if he was telling the truth or lying. Probably the latter…

"Perhaps not," the doctor said as a smirk crossed her lips and a chuckle sounded. "By the loud screaming I heard not too long ago, I'd say you must be satisfying her very much. I understand that the young enjoy some rather… passionate bouts together, but don't get carried away…"

Garrus felt his eyes go wide before he spun around swiftly and dashed out of the door, his mind shaking as he still heard the lingering chuckle of Chakwas in his head. And distracting him to the point that he didn't notice running into Tali.

"Wait… what the hell happened in there?!" the quarian cried, her head jerking up and down – she was probably looking from him to his arms and back. "I thought you guys were… well, you know. Not trying to kill each other or something!"

"Obviously quarians never had rough sex before," he grumbled, glad that it got Tali to shut up and stumble back, letting him continue on to where he left Shepard, no one following him or bothering him.

"Took your time," she mumbled, holding her short of her breasts, but let it fall back to the ground once the turian shut the door behind him. "The blood's not flowing anymore. See? It wasn't a problem."

"You don't want an infection to settle in and those gashes are too wide to let them heal on their own without some sort of aid," he countered, kneeling down by her and handing the items out to her. She didn't take them, prompting him to ask. "Aren't you going to take care of this? At least for my sake."

"If you care so much, you do it," she interjected, her brown eyes hard as she held his gaze.

He gave a sigh, not willing to fight with her right now. They had stalled too long with this wound and he didn't need to stall it longer. He first took one of the wipes to clean the blood away – first from her hand then the wounds themselves –his mandible giving ashamed vibrations each time she winced and wishing he hadn't done this to her in the first place. It didn't matter that she had made the move that caused it. If he was human, this wouldn't be an issue…

"At least you're not wimping out on me," Shepard muttered as the last of the viscous blood remnants were cleaned away. "Thought you'd chicken out again and run off with your tail between your legs…"

"You're hitting below the belt with that, don't you think?" he countered a little more gruffly than he wanted to.

"I'm going by observation, you bastard," she snapped. "I get a stupid cut and you're jumping away, trying to get me to leave. What? Suddenly terrified by the thought of having sex with me because I'm too fucking frail for you?"

He jerked his gaze over to hears, watching her angry eyes carefully before turning back to his task, applying the medi-gel to her gashes. "I just… I don't want to end up hurting you. I told you that turians have rough sex. Probably too rough for humans…"

"And you think that's going to fucking scare me? I survived a thresher maw attack and you think that because you might leave bite marks in my neck, on my shoulders is going to make me think twice?!" she cried out with a rage he heard very few times, slapping him across the face and shoving him away from her. "We chased Saren and his geth and _Sovereign_ all over the galaxy two years ago and you think that I'd be reluctant to let you have your way with me because I might be bleeding when all is said and done?

"I was killed by the Collectors and we're planning on taking the fight to them in a _fucking_ suicide mission and you think I'd be daunted by the notion that you might be slamming your cock into my cunt a little too _fucking_ hard?!"

"Shepard… it doesn't matter if you're fine with this. I don't want to add to the problems people have been adding onto you,' he tried to reason, shocked by her words even as he reached for her as he worried about her gashes. And glancing down, sure enough the blood was oozing once more. "Shepard… your wounds…"

"I don't give a fuck about them! And don't give me any bullshit that you're going to leave me because you care!"

"I didn't say that…"

"If you're going to back out of sex because you don't want to hurt me, then you might as well be leaving!" the raging woman snarled as she shoved him away again, this time pounding her fists against his chest. "This wouldn't be a problem if you told me in the beginning that you don't want this. But you didn't! You said you want this! But now… dammit, Garrus! Don't do this to me!

"After everyone and everything I've lost… don't make me lose you too."

Nervously, his mandibles gave a twitch. But he ignored his misgiving and instead wrapped his arms around her slender body, pulling her in, and holding her close, hoping this might comfort her. However it seemed he was wrong as Shepard suddenly broke down into tears. He thought that meant what he was doing was wrong and attempted to pull away… until she sobbed weakly, "Please, Garrus. I'd rather you'd tear me to shreds with your talons, your teeth, whatever… I'd rather you do that than break away another piece of my heart.

"I could handle everything else thrown my way, ripped away from me…

"I could never handle watching you walk away…"

"Shepard… I'm not leaving," he said, leaning forward to whisper the words in her ear. "I just… I don't want to hurt you in any way. It's been bad enough seeing how so many have turned their back on you and you're forced to work with the people that made you live through Akuze. I just don't want to add to that pain."

"Garrus… I told you. You can tear me to shreds, you could mangle my physical body and it wouldn't compare to the pain if… if we can't be and remain more than friends," she spoke quietly and between choked out sobs as she shifted her face to turn towards his, her watery brown eyes pleading with him. "I… I don't… Garrus, I'm not trying to pressure you into sex, if you really are that uncomfortable with it. I just… I know that you're not. Not completely. After what just happened… no, I know you want this.

"I just… I don't see how we can just go back to being friends. Whatever 'friendship' we'd be left with, it would be strained and mangled. I don't want that. I couldn't stand that.

"Tell me you couldn't either…"

"I couldn't," he murmured, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers, whispering against her lips and breathing her in, enjoying the sweet warmth of her breath… and dreading the thought of ever being without this, without her. He didn't want the empty life he had to experience these last two years. Never again. "You're all I have left in this screwed-up galaxy, Shepard. It's not that I'm uncomfortable about sex with you, except… like I said, I don't want to hurt you. If this is going to be something for us to share, I'd rather it be something to treasure, not regret.

"I'm just nervous about this… about ruining this for you… for us…"

"Garrus… how many _real_ relationships have you been in? How long have they lasted?" the Spectre questioned, throwing him off guard with her words as her hand reached up to gently run the backs of her fingers against his cheek.

"I… I've had a few that lasted nearly a year or so…"

"How long had you been having sex with any of those girls?"

"A couple months at least."

"Was it perfect when it started out?"

"Well, no… though it did get close with the later ones. You can't have decent one-night stands without knowing what the hell to do and how to do it properly…"

"That's not what the question was," Shepard scoffed, a hand slapping his shoulder, a move that made them both give a light, but awkward laugh, leaving them gazing into each others' eyes with a rather strange sense of delight. The delight was clear on Shepard's lips as a smile cracked onto her lips. "Garrus… as much as I love it when you're cocky… you just make me want to kick your ass at the same time…"

"You're free to when the wounds are healed. We still have to put on the medi-gel," he reminded.

"I'm trying to make a point here…"

"I'm not saying you can't. Just let me get this mess taken care of."

"All right," she said softly, scooting back to rest against the wall again, letting him once against clean the new splatters of blood on her skin – some was on their clothes now, but there was nothing they could do about that. "But what I was trying to get at is… so what if all that we get that first time is no more than some horrible interspecies-awkwardness encounter? It's never perfect the first time. You work at it. Make it better. You'll try to if it means that much to you…"

"Glad to know that you're not holding any impossible standards over my head," he chuckled, feeling a little eased, though only by a little. He was more worried about making sure she would be alive and breathing rather than making her experience mind-blowing sex. Though that wouldn't be bad if he could… "Although either way, at least we can rely on a fight with the Collectors to be a welcomed distraction. So, you know… a win either way."

She gave an amused laugh, one that warmed his soul and eased him as he watched the wounds quickly mend. He was glad to see that and realize… maybe whatever difficulties lay before them didn't matter. Be it physical harm or onlookers' opinions. Anyone would be lucky to have a woman like Shepard wanting to be at his – or even her – side. He certainly considered himself lucky to have her a part of his life.

"So… we're doing this then? You're not backing out of this?" she questioned as Garrus pushed aside the unneeded and used medical materials and scooted over to sit next to her. He let his mandible give a thrilled flutter as she leaned in against him, her head on his shoulder and arms around his waist. He didn't at all stall in wrapping his arms around her.

"No. I'm not backing out. Hell… I must be a crazy bastard to be going through with this…"

"Given that you're following me into hell also… we're both mad…"

"Yeah… this is just one ship full of lunatics," he chuckled, turning back to face her and nuzzling his face in her hair, enjoying how the strands caressed his face and mandibles gently. She was so different from a turian and… he had to admit that was probably one of the things that appealed to him the most. But…

He felt his mind freeze and his hold tightened around Shepard as a through struck him.

He was realizing how he prefer the feel of a human to a turian, but… he found it hard to believe that this woman was growing to appreciate his kind more than hers as well. Not with how tough their carapace was, having mandibles and talons that humans did not…

He had to know what she thought…

"Shepard…"

"Janelle."

"Huh?" Garrus said, pulling away to stare at her.

"I said 'Janelle,'" she replied, looking up to him with a smile as her hand running tender circles over his chest. "If we're going to be lovers, I don't want you calling me 'Shepard' anymore. Technically this is a civilian operation. No military jurisdiction here. So I want you to call me 'Janelle' from now on…

"I'm just not eager to hear you muttering 'Shepard' when we get that chance to blow off some steam."

"I… I'll try, She… I mean, Janelle," he said, testing the name on his lips. He didn't know what he thought of it except… it was strange. It was a rather feminine name, as far as he could tell. He'd never say that she was an utterly masculine person, but she wasn't the most feminine woman that he knew, that was for sure.

Still… he liked the idea of no longer referring to her so formally…

But that didn't make him forget the issue.

"Sh… Janelle, I have to ask though. Are you really sure about this? I mean… you really wouldn't prefer someone closer to home? Someone that won't be so… problematic to sleep with?"

The immediate response, was a slap against his chest. "Garrus, if I wanted someone 'closer to home,' don't you think I'd have just that? Please… I'm not so inept that I couldn't reel in whatever man I wanted."

"True… you know how to wrap someone around your finger."

"Like you?"

"I mean… any of your average fans that have no chance against your whims…"

A scoff sound from She… Janelle's mouth – this wasn't going to be easy – as she shook her head and turned to kiss his scarred mandible. "Whatever you say, Turian. But seriously…

"If you're worried because you're so different from a human, I don't care about that. Not while everything that I've had a chance to experience with you is nothing short of amazing. Even that little misfortune of wounding hardly put a dent in the experience."

"That's nice to know…"

"It should be and… another thing…

"Garrus, you said that I'm all you have left in this galaxy. I can't say that I don't have anyone other than you. That would just be mean to Tali," she interjected with a chuckled before her voice grew somber once more and she moved to settle herself in his lap. "But you are one of the few people in this galaxy that I can trust. And that's what I need right now, someone I can trust, someone I know will be there.

"It's just a perk that that someone is you, someone who I enjoyed being around for so long…"

"It's a perk to know that the 'great Commander Shepard' feels that way about me," he teased, before giving a thrilled laugh as she slapped his shoulder again. He continued to laugh as his hands took her face in his grasp and pulled her towards him, bringing their foreheads together once more, allowing him to settle in a satisfied ease.

Though Janelle didn't let it end there as she leaned further forward and kissed his lips.

Then her arms were around his neck and she kissed him again. And again… and again…

Until she gave a groan and shoved him back.

"You know, this would be a bit more enjoyable if you'd respond," she muttered with a pout.

"Like how? Like this?" he questioned, a hand moving to her still bare chest and carefully squeezing one of her pink nipples. She gave a shriek and grabbed hold of his arm, gently tugging it away. Garrus took the hint and let his hand fall away, a little disappointed that he couldn't continued the tease.

"I mean by kissing," she clarified with a jaded glare.

One he returned.

"Are you forgetting that I'm a turian?" he asked, point to his mouth. "It's not like our mouths are the same and much made for kissing."

"So turians don't kiss? That sucks," she scoffed before leaning forward and draping her arms around his neck again as she continued to press small kisses over his face. "But don't try to fool me, Garrus. You can kiss. I watch you talk enough. Your mouth is flexible enough. Maybe only for a little less passionate kissing, but… hell, at least you could try…"

"You're getting a little demeaning there, Janelle," he warned mockingly, grabbing her by the shoulders and shoving forward… attempting to kiss her as best as he had felt her kisses.

He didn't know how badly he had done so as her laughed filled his ears.

"See? Told you that you could at least try," she said, her voice sounding cocky itself. But he didn't care, only feeling relief flood him… and curiosity. Just how much more was he going to experience with her? How much more enjoyable was she going to be able to make the eventual encounter?

He thought 'eventual.' Apparently, she didn't.

Not as her lips were hard against his again, overwhelming him as he struggled to follow through with her mouth's motions. It was a losing battle, given his newness to this behavior and her familiarity with it. And then she sent his mind into a numb state as he felt her tongue enter his mouth and caress his tongue. Like so much that he felt about her, even her tongue felt soft against his and her taste was so luscious… he was losing his mind. He couldn't think straight, not even noticing how roughly he handled her bare back. Instead all he could think about was how delicious in entirety that this creature in his lap was. How she drove him mad. How he needed inside her…

Without an indication to either of them, Garrus jerked forward, shoving Janelle down on the ground and holding her there, arms length away from him. If he worried that she would take offense, his worry could be delayed as she did nothing but stare up at him, breathing heavy and restlessly as she stared up at him with hunger that was not sated.

Oh _fuck_ no…

"Janelle. You… you're not…" he gasped between his own shallow breaths, as well as wrestling to formulate a cohesive thought. It wasn't easy as all he could think was how moist and swollen her burgundy lips looked and the enchanting way her breasts rose and fell. Oh, he was fucked… "Janelle… you want to? Now?"

"I haven't left my shirt off this long just for pointless advertisement," she griped, a scowl forming on her face.

"You mean… you didn't wear your bra on purpose…"

"On purpose to seduce you? No. On purpose because I felt like being lazy today, yes. I wasn't planning on getting fucked in the main battery, but right now… I'll explode if I put this off much longer…"

"So… if I say… to wait, you'll explode on me?" he risked questioning, hoping she wasn't really going to explode on him. He already pissed her off once today and that had scared the hell out of him.

Anger didn't cross her face, thankfully. Just… disbelief.

"Wait… you _want_ to wait?" she whispered, her mouth falling open.

"If you're okay with that," he nodded. "I… it's only been a few days and… this is completely new to me. I know you said that the first time probably won't be perfect, but… I'd like to try to make it as best and experience as we can.

"In case I get my epic death that you denied me…"

"Oh… you… fucking bastard!" she snarled, quickly shoving at his shoulder and forcing them to roll, making him end up on his back as she sat atop him. He had to admit… she looked goddamn sexy this way. "You're not fucking dying on me. If it sucks, I'm not letting our sex life end that way and if it's the most amazing bout of mind-blowing sex that I'll ever experience… you fucking die on me and I swear… I'll make sure that there's no rest for your soul…"

"But if I do…" he couldn't help but tease.

"Oh no, you won't. You're not getting away that easily…"

"Still… are you going to refuse waiting?"

"We could always do our research here and now," Janelle smirked, rolling her crotch against his groin, urging a groan from him.

"We could… but given that they did hear you scream… it might not be best…"

"They what? Shit," she groaned, her shoulders slump and her head thrown back. "Tell me Tali wasn't out there."

"She was. And so was Kelly."

"I'm fucked…"

"You are…" he chuckled, moving to sit upright again, his arms going around her once more as he give her another light kiss before caressing her cheek with his unscarred mandible. "And I'll be sure to make sure it's worth it. Besides, it would be nice to be able to wave of the rumor by at least saying we haven't have sex if asked. At least until we don't have a choice…"

"I suppose… but I don't want to have to wait until the 'calm before the storm,' Garrus. You're driving me mad…"

"So we'll have lots of tension that needs eased when the time comes," he assured her before letting his arms drop away as she made to stand up. "Besides, is it so bad to want to savor the last shot before popping the heat sink?"

Janelle had made her way to where her shirt lay and had just pulled it on as he ended his question. And as he did, she whipped a wide eyes stare at him before a smile cracked over her lips and laughter burst from her as she doubled over. For a moment, he remained confused… until he remembered what he had said.

"Oh shit… Janelle, I wasn't trying to say…" he began as he rose back onto his feet. But he didn't get to finish his words. Not as a finger came to rest against his lips.

"Didn't I tell you before that I prefer you cocky to worrisome? And don't worry," she smirked as she stepped forward and keyed in the unlock for the door. "I like it when a man talks dirty to me…"

"You're just trying to torment me," Garrus gave a groan, tilting his head in defeat.

"Maybe. And you deserve it, telling _me_ to wait," she scoffed before she stood on her toes and granted him another kiss, one that he responded to, wrapping an arm around her as he did. "You just better make sure you make sure the wait is worth it. But hold off on the best stuff. I won't mind being unable to get out of bed _after_ we deal with the Collectors. But before…"

"Trust me… one thing I _don't_ want to ruin is _another_ suicide mission with you."

"Good to know, now… I guess I'll let you get back to work," she teased as she walked back towards the door.

As Garrus had to groan as the door came open. Work. _Right_. "As if I'm in a great place to optimize firing algorithms, right now."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" a new voice interrupted and made Janelle spin around to face the intruder of their teasing.

While the teasing couple might be now startled, the intruder looked _pissed_.

Of course… that wasn't unusual for Miranda.

"Shepard?! What the hell was going on in there?!" the Cerberus officer hissed. "People have heard things and you've apparently spent a rather lengthy time in here with just the turian…"

"Miranda, the turian has a name. Garrus Vakarian," the infiltrator interrupted, crossing arms and gave the black-haired woman a smirk that was something both mischievous and blissful. "As for what was going on… just a tease of a paradise of ecstasy.

"You know… maybe you should find a guy to relax with. God knows you need to."

And with that, the rather satisfied blonde made her way back into the mess hall, leaving a biotic gaping after her and a chuckling turian, closing the doors to close himself in with even more tantalizing thoughts of his commander.

Today was _not_ going to be a productive day.

* * *

**Endnote:** I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I was addicted to writing it and could not stop. And it was definitely one of those chapters that kept me intrigue because most of this was not planned out. Vaguely perhaps, a notion that there would be some desperation on Garrus's part, leading to some hotness, but a lot of the interactions totally came of its own accord. Which led to funness, especially on Jack, Samara, and Chakwas's parts.

Also, my biggest reason of enjoying this chapter was not because of the lime (I bet none of you believe that), but how the emotions ran high in this chapter. I tihnk I'm a bit of a tantrum freak. XP

Anyhow... sadly, I have to admit that I do not know when the next chapter will be up or even what it will be of. I have several ideas of what I want to happen for chapters, but in no precise order. And since I have school back in session, that'll put a damper on thing. At least you have been left with a hot chapter right?

Well... until next time and I look forward to your thoughts. Even if they are critical. Whatever they are, I want to know. So... R&R ^_^


	9. Input

**Misc:** Been a while since the last update, no? Sorry about that. School really got hectic - and still is since I have summer classes - so it's been tough to finish this chapter up, even though I've been really close tot he end of it for months. GAH! Anyhow... hope you still want to read this so here's the next chapter. I hope you'll like... even though there's not as much interaction between Garrus and Janelle in this one. At least I don't think there's as much. Mostly kinda touching upon other persons' thoughts of the two. I had fun with most of it. XP

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

The rest stop on Ilium did not last long before Janelle had decided that it was high time to head to Tuchanka. Problem was Grunt claimed that the enclosed space of the Normandy was only making him more erratic and warily, so the commander let him go ashore, though she never let her attention wander from him. A good thing as the tank-breed krogan had almost started a fight in Eternity because all he could feel was restrained tension and that didn't settle well with a krogan that was extremely prone to erratic attacks.

Since then, they had long left Ilium. The break had only lasted two days, but it was enough, particularly for Janelle, Garrus, and Tali themselves, the ones that needed the rest. But as it was, the break almost didn't even matter.

For while the Normandy was orbiting Tuchanka, the only one of the three on ground was Janelle.

Which honestly was a fact that irritated Garrus.

He wasn't mad at Janelle for leaving him aboard the frigate – as she had left Tali there as well. It wasn't even the notion that he had to spend time away from a creature that – he felt – was far more alluring than an asari. And it had nothing to do with dealing with the opinions of the crew on his relationship with the Spectre.

It was the fact that once Grunt's issue had been dealt with, Garrus had a chance to speak with Janelle.

And all the damn woman would go on about was her sniper rifle she picked up on the Collector ship.

Sure, she had a chance to use the Widow against the Collectors and praised it enough that _he_ was jealous of her. But now… he was jealous of the _rifle_. A rifle! That damn woman was in love with the damn thing and she seemed more delighted talking about the rifle than the last heated moment they shared. Granted, he had been worried over the issue of them and upset her as she thought he was too afraid for them to pursue their plans. But still…

Just _dammit_! Why the hell did he feel like he was in competition with a rifle?

To make it worse… it was a rifle _he_ wanted as well.

And here he was afraid that a human-turian relationship was too scandalous. Now it seemed like the two of them were in some weird threesome with a sniper rifle.

Well… it was their luck that they had to be two snipers that loved their rifles rather unhealthily…

"Hey! Pay attention!" an aggravated voice sounded just as Garrus felt an elbow jab _hard_ into his waist. "Am I here to help you or to do your work while you daydream?"

"Mind doing the latter?" he questioned, taking a step away. It had been a foolish attempt to tease Tali, but had he ever really been one to learn a lesson? He still was no better a turian than when he was younger. Actually… he was probably worse.

Not that he considered it a bad thing, given his current girlfriend. Was it right to think of her as a girlfriend now?

"Garrus… I swear… you will wish you did not ask me to come up here if you're just planning on spending your time daydreaming about Shepard," Tali growled jadedly, making Garrus imagine that the quarian was rolling her eyes at the last part of her sentence… that is if quarians could do that. "_Keelah_. You both are terrible. Can't focus on work because you have all your attention on each other. You were practically made for each other…"

"Aside from the whole fact that I could accidently make her bleed to death while having sex…"

"I did _not_ need to know that. Now… would you _stop_ thinking about your… well, you know and focus on the calibrations?" Tali said, seeming to give the quarian equivalent of the human blush – as Janelle would put it; that was certain because Tali always wanted to focus more on equations and schematics when she began to feel embarrassed. It only made the turian _want_ to continue teasing, but he didn't and instead listened to the young alien woman… if only to avoid whatever repercussions were involved if he pushed her over the edge.

But the two of them hadn't gotten very far in correcting the mistakes Garrus had made in his calibrations – due to how distracted he was with thoughts of Janelle, go figure – when EDI chimed.

"Officer Vakarian, XO Lawson requests that you speak with her in her office."

"That sounds fun," Tali said lowly even as the turian groaned a reply.

"Is that really a request or an order?"

"Given that Lawson did not sound at all satisfied when I informed her that Engineer Tali'Zorah is not at her post because she is helping you… it would be best if you comply. That is if you were considering the notion of not doing so."

"The thought never crossed my mind," Garrus said with another groan then turned to Tali. "Look… I don't have a clue how long this will last and…"

"Don't worry. I'll fix these up," she interrupted, shaking her head and waving a dismissive hand towards the door. "There's no need really in pointing out what needs done about your mistakes. They're random. Pretty much obvious that you simply have your mind on something else. And I have a feeling that you've been looking over these equations so much your brain's rather numb in fixing the same thing over and over again.

"I'll just take care of this for you. Not like I have other things worrying me… and I pity you in having to report to Miranda. Definitely wouldn't want to have to see her about something like this."

"That's because you hate Cerberus and you'd end up threatening her with your shotgun," he said, amused.

"Is that such a bad thing?" Tali said, her filtered voice taken its own light tone. "Now stop stalling and get going before you really piss her off."

The insistence in her voice reminded Garrus that was all too likely a possibility and while he was more wary in the thought of pissing Janelle off over Miranda, it didn't mean he was any more willing to face the latter in a rather… volatile mood. Mostly because the Cerberus officer was a biotic; maybe not on par with Samara or Jack's abilities, but a biotic nonetheless. And he still held a little of the turian suspicion towards biotics.

Amazing that there was something 'turian' about him. Although it might also be due to the number of suspicious biotics he had run into in his time with Janelle. Not all, but there was a significant number. And the fact that Miranda was part of Cerberus didn't help much either…

Either way, he wasn't looking forward to this meeting with Miranda, especially as he had a feeling what this really was about. In fact, he was surprised this didn't happen sooner.

Everyone on the Normandy now knew that the relationship between the commander and gunnery officer was – with no doubt – no longer platonic. There were differences of opinions – some uncomfortable, others indifferent, while even a few crew members called them 'cheeky' – but whatever pandemonium Garrus had feared didn't seem present… except perhaps from Miranda who was clearly disapproving of the relationship – despite remaining silent so far on the matter; the glares she threw his way had been enough for the turian to realize such.

Despite being aware of the biotic's pessimism towards him, Garrus still was not the least bit surprised that the woman seemed calm and collected – indifferent – when he entered her office, almost ignoring him. Actually, she was ignoring him, the vigilante realized as she continued to focus on the several terminal screens surrounding her, typing away at something, checking over something else, and not even nodding her head or waving her hand to indicate that she recognized the turian's presence. If he had the irrational temper of Jack or Grunt, Garrus might have exploded on her; but he had been in enough battles to know it was best to remain calm, even under fire and he had enough dealing with humans to know that it was best not to provoke them, especially if they held anti-turian sentiments.

He simply waited until Miranda ceased trying to provoke him and set his mind on more pleasant thoughts…

Like a half-naked Janelle…

"Vakarian, I'm certain you are aware that we all need to operate at an optimal capacity aboard this ship," the black-haired woman finally spoke up, almost invoking a groan from the turian as he was reluctantly broken from the memory of the feel of the Normandy's commanding officer's lips on his – or more accurately the taste of her tongue in his mouth. "This is a high risk mission we are pursuing and Commander Shepard has been working to make sure we're all ready to give our all when we face the Collectors on their own grounds. We can't afford any distractions that will damage the performance of our crew.

"Especially Shepard's."

"Given that the last I heard, she, Grunt, and Jack took down a thresher maw on foot… I'd say she's performing as 'optimally' as ever," he said, restraining the sarcastic tone of his voice… and silently cursing at himself as the question of Janelle's 'performance' came to mind. Couldn't he focus on something _other than_ the human Spectre?

"Perhaps there's no issue with her mental attention," Miranda relented rather gruffly, a glare rather obvious in her ice blue eyes – rather fitting for her 'ice queen' persona. "But yours are another matter…"

"Because I'm having issues with the weapons calibrations," he said evenly and indifferently, well aware that this was about more than that. "Unfortunately Lawson, I am as mortal as any other creature. I'll slip up every so often."

"This mission can't afford any mistakes…"

"And given how things are transpiring between the commander and I, you think that's what I'm aiming for? Given that she's already died once and we are _all_ lucky that she still live… you think I'm eager to see her life thrown away?" he snapped a little too bitterly, but also… he didn't care. "I'm aware that Shepard is probably the only chance this galaxy has against the Reapers. I'm not interested in seeing that the chance is lost…"

"If your intentions truly were in the best interests of the mission _and_ Shepard… you would not be _engaging_ in such frivolities!" Miranda retorted even more angrily than before. "What the two of you are doing is foolishness! Not only are you risking the performance of yourselves, but you're also causing a distraction for the others aboard this ship! Especially the humans, given the fact that you _are_ a turian and there are still some of our kind not yet comfortable with the notion of human-asari relations. And their appearance is not much different from humans."

"Donnelly and Chakwas don't seem to have a problem with the notion of us. And Jack's only got some stick up her ass about me for some stupidity she's got in her head and she sounds to be channeling her anger effectively. Of course… she's always angry…

"But aside from you… I haven't seen anyone really show a problem in what's going on between Janelle and me."

For a moment, Miranda seemed to gape and fall speechless. And then she only grew more irate.

"Vakarian, I don't care to hear your excuses and reasons if you're only going to continue to upset this mission," Miranda barked as she slammed a fist on her desk and flew to her feet, her icy glare sharper than ever. "While I've never had any personal grievances with aliens… I've had problems with not only you, but the vagrant, irrational quarian as well, in letting either of you come aboard this mission. I know you turians constantly hold humans at arm's length in trust and respect…"

"That would be true if I was like every other turian. Obviously I'm not by the fact that I'm in a relationship with a human," he said rather jadedly, beyond the point of caring if he angered the woman now. She was practically throwing a childish tantrum _and_ she had to go and insult Tali. If it hadn't been for the quarian, Saren might never have been proven a traitor, Janelle might have never become a Spectre, and what happened to the Protheans would have happened all over again. Not only that, but she was a friend and a friend supportive of both him _and_ Janelle.

"Still, I highly doubt that you are one that trusts Cerberus…"

"Neither does Janelle," Garrus cut in was a low, restrained snarl. "And if you're going to say anything about Tali… she has the right to hold hostilities towards your group. You _don't_ threaten the sake of even _one_ ship. They take great offense when anyone purposefully risks the existence of the Flotilla and even one ship can mean everything to them…"

"This is why I have no good for either of you. You think whatever reason you can claim against Cerberus is completely justified and…"

But whatever more Miranda felt to throw in Garrus's face, she had been disrupted as suddenly her door slid open with a slam and a very anger Spectre stormed in.

"What the hell is going on here?"

That seemed to make Miranda back down and jerk with alarm. "Shepard? I have no idea what you mean…"

"Do you think I'm a damn fool, Miranda?" Janelle continued to growl, storming past Garrus and slamming the base of her palms onto the desk. "I'm already here, aboard ship and when I find myself ready to request for Garrus's presence, I find out that you have him in your office… and you think I have no clue what this is about whenever you've been rather blatant about how you feel about 'humanity's hero' having a turian for a boyfriend?"

"It's not the fact that he is a turian. It's that you _both_ should know better than to have this dalliance…"

"Dalliance? You want to call this a dalliance?" the blonde interrupted, sounding so furious… Garrus was just glad none of the anger was directed at him. He hoped he didn't have to worry about any of it, not as Janelle went on. "So just because I don't go for something that's 'normal'… you want to think I'm just jumping head long into this notion like a goddamn fool! That I'm about to use my _friend_ – one of the few I have – for some sexual favors? That I'd want to attempt to not only distract the rest of my crew, but also put him in a risky situation, all for some fleeting ridiculousness?"

"Commander, I wasn't trying to say anything of the sort," Miranda attempted to defend herself, doing pretty well for anyone else than immortal. Of course. She was designed to be perfect; maybe that was enough to give her any chance against Janelle. "But you should be more careful with how you carry yourself. We're all trusting you to…"

"So I'm not being a fool by choosing to be with Garrus, but I should be careful of being with him because of how others view me?" Janelle questioned with a disbelieving, annoyed tone as she leaned back and crossed her arms. "Miranda… you're contradicting yourself there. You're saying I'm a fool, just in a prettier way. So don't try to worm yourself out of this. You're not happy with me wanting to be with a turian, you think it's idiotic… and you don't think I'm trustworthy enough for this mission now. So just come out and say it."

"I did not mean it like that," the Cerberus officer attempted to counter and disprove, though Garrus caught the jaded look on the Spectre's face to know Janelle didn't believe Miranda. "Shepard, look… yes, I think that… whatever this is between you and Vakarian… it's imprudent and more than likely a little impulsive. But it's not that I don't trust you to make the right decisions, at least in regards to this mission; your service record has proven that you know how to get a job done and done right a thousand times over. I know that you think things through and always find the best solution, but…"

"But what?"

"You've also proven yourself to be… biased. You'll jump at a moment's notice to do something to those important to you. I understand that with what's ahead of us, you want to make sure we trust you and have a clear mind, but… with a relationship between you and Vakarian once we go after the Collectors…"

"My goal in this mission is to ensure that this 'harvesting' of human life ends, that these Collectors are wiped out," Janelle interrupted with a severe tone. "The mission takes priority. Over everything else. Over _anyone_ else.

"But my goal is to see that everyone on this mission survives. Not at the expense of another, unless _absolutely_ necessary for the sake of the _mission_, not my own personal feelings.

"If you're still uncomfortable with the notion of my being with Garrus because you feel I'm untrustworthy, then by all means… call your Illusive Man, tell him what you think and kick me off the team. I'd love to see if you can pull this off yourselves. I doubt it, otherwise the Illusive Man wouldn't have spent the billions of credits he did to revive me.

"Now if you'll excuse us… this pointless meeting is over."

And with that Janelle spun on her heel and only paused a moment long enough to catch Garrus's gaze and nudge her head towards the door before they both left the room… and released a sigh.

"My God… I can't believe I've been dying to yell at her since she questioned about our little 'incident' in the GCS," the Spectre chuckled as she crashed against a wall near the elevator and turned an implying smirk over to the turian, who couldn't help but give an amused flare of his mandibles. "Tell me you weren't quiet before I got my ass in there."

"Nah… but I just couldn't interrupt a fight between you two. It's rather entertaining," he teased.

"Just don't get any ideas," she shook her head before casting a glance towards the elevator. "Well… do you have some work to take care of? There's some downtime again and I was hoping to spend it with you. I haven't really decided our next move so we'd get a little more time than last time. But if you've got something else…"

"I, um… unfortunately, I did leave Tali to fix up the mess I made with the calibrations for the Thanix cannons," he reluctantly admitted, wanting to just drop everything to spend some time with Janelle, preferably in private. But given his own work problems and the little conflict with Miranda, it would only be for the best if he waited until all his responsibilities were taken care of. "I doubt she'll be happy if I ran off with you for some 'downtime' and left her with my work."

"Can't have her using her shotgun on you, huh?" the woman said with a chuckle, but it was obvious that it was forced and she was doing her best to hide her disappointment, something he really only noticed as she avoided his gaze. "Oh well. I do have to go by the armory anyhow. I need to look over my rifle…"

That urged a groan from Garrus, one that made Janelle's words fall away. "Dammit, Janelle. You and that damn rifle. You know… I almost feel like I'm in competition here, after the last time that you went on about the thing."

"And how many times do I hear you cry out how you love _your_ rifle in the middle of battles?" she said, her arms crossed and a smirk back on her lips. "Besides… you haven't held that baby in your arms yet. And when you take a shot… you know that until you've had that rifle, you haven't lived life properly as a sniper. It's divine…"

"Please stop. You're glowing," he said jadedly. "See? This is what I'm talking about. I never here you speak of me this delightfully…"

"That's because you're not present at the talks I have with Tali. Besides… I can't let you hear them. They'll all go to your head and flare up your ego. I love it when you're cocky, but I'm not looking to have you overdo it…"

"It would still be nice to know I'm not vying for your attention here…"

"Oh please, Garrus!" she gave a laugh and shook her head as she reached out to take hold of him by the waist and pull him in. An action he reciprocated as his own hands moved to rest behind her waist; everyone knew they were together now so where was the point in hiding it? "We're talking about a _rifle_ here. As if it can compare to you. It certainly doesn't drive me as insane as you do. And I mean that in a good way. Like… a 'got-to-get-you-in-my-bed' kind of way."

"I'm not sure I believe that…" he had to tease and only chuckled as she slapped a hand against his chest.

"All right then… what am I going to have to do to show you that you have nothing to worry about?" she questioned, eager challenge in her tone though her expression was rather jaded.

"To prove that the rifle's no competition for me and you enjoy my personal attention? Hmm… that's a tough one," he murmured mockingly, urging a groan from the human. "All right. Fine then. Let me have a chance to use it."

"Wait… what? Let you have my Widow? I… no!" Janelle gaped, eyes wide and blinking as she jerked back.

"I'm not asking to _have_ it. Just use it _once_. Maybe during a mission. Or for only part of it…"

"No."

"What? Why? Fine just one shot."

"No."

"Why not? You're the one going on that you're not a proper sniper until you take a target down with the Widow."

"Yea… but…" she struggled to counter, turning her gaze away and moving her hand to mouth, taking one of her gloved fingers between her teeth. "If I let you have one chance with my gun, you'll ask for another. I know I would. One chance with it isn't enough…"

"See what I mean?" Garrus said with a chuckle, much more amused with her refusal than annoyed. "You're very selfish when it comes to letting someone handle your gun…"

To that, Janelle met his comment with a roguish smirk. "Unlike you?"

"Huh? Me?" he had to question with apparent confusion.

"Well… you practically _made_ me handle your 'gun,'" she teased him in a whisper, the smirk still on her lips as she drew in closer. "And what a nice 'gun' it is…"

"Janelle…" he groaned, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers. "You're horrible…"

"Then try telling me you'd want me any other way," the infiltrator said, still with her smug smirk before slowly sliding out of his arms and giving him a nudge back towards the mess hall. "Come on now, Turian. You've got some work to do. Just make sure you report to my cabin afterwards…"

"Gladly," he returned with a soft, amused flutter of his mandibles before making his way back to his post. But not without a last glance in Janelle's way and decided that he very much liked the science uniform she wore.

Nice and snug around that curvaceous ass of hers…

* * *

Taking her M-97 Widow anti-material rifle from the weapon locker and moving to stand near one of the tables in the armory, Janelle couldn't help but give an amused chuckle as she thought on the little bit of banter she and Garrus exchanged about the rifle. She couldn't help but feel a little possessive over the weapon, but she had to admit to herself, that the vigilante did deserve a rifle as nice as this one. She would certainly enjoy hearing his enthusiasm on the battlefield if he had this sucker in his hands…

"EDI, how differently would turians handle the Widow's kick compared to humans?"

She turned around just in time to see EDI's holographic interface appear, the AI promptly answering her query. "While their 'exoskeleton' would serve to diminish the injury a human would acquire, I would still find it ill-advised to allow the average turian to handle this weapon.

"However if your inquiry is in regards to Officer Vakarian… his cybernetics would come into the analysis…"

"That's what I was hoping," Janelle said softly as she took apart certain section of her rifle, her words aimed more to herself, but well aware that EDI could hear her. "So how would the kick factor in for him?"

"Given that he does have cybernetics implants along much of his right side… he should be able to handle the kick without any serious repercussions. However his implants aren't nearly as extensive nor sophisticated as your own. I would recommend that he receive certain modifications and perhaps a few more implants to ensure that there will be no debilitations should he undergo long-term usage of the firearm."

She gave a slight pout as she started cleaning the Widow. Certainly she would go under the needle for her own cybernetics examinations and upgrades with no fuss, seeing no point in arguing when these were amongst the things that kept her alive and were improving her performance – something that would help out against the Collectors. She knew Garrus had his own exams, but due to the limited use and coverage of his cybernetics, they didn't necessarily have the capacity to provide the kind of improvements hers did. And she didn't want to give an order to force him to have that kind of capability, especially as she was already aware that he held some reluctance in having to subject himself to the treatments he was already receiving.

Still… if he did want to even want an opportunity with the rifle…

"EDI, could you inform Mordin about those modifications and improvements to Garrus's implants. And once Garrus has finished with his calibration, let him know to see Mordin about them. I'd like him to decide whether or not he'll go through with them.

"But don't tell Garrus that this is necessarily for him to handle the Widow. And makes sure that Mordin knows that. If you have to, don't let him know even that's why I'm suggesting this operation."

"Am I to take this as some sort of lover's surprise, Shepard?"

"EDI… don't even joke," Janelle groaned as she rolled her eyes "This is simply the best sniper rifle I've ever laid my hands on and Garrus is an excellent sniper. It's only right that he should be able to have the best."

"Krios has proficient sniping skills as well, Shepard…"

"But he doesn't already have the implants and I'm not imposing anything on him. Especially as I have no idea how that would affect his illness," she replied with restrained annoyance, continuing to tend to her disassembled rifle. "Look EDI, no one really has to go out of their way to modify Garrus's implants to make it possible for him to use this rifle and he's the only crew member that has expressed a desire to handle the firearm.

"So could you cease the teasing?"

"Shall I start the fabrication systems in constructing another M-97?" the AI said, neither acquiescing or opposing the request. But it didn't matter to Janelle right now. As long as she didn't have to hear any teasing for the time being.

"We still don't know what Garrus has to say about the modifications. And I'd rather wait until those are all in place and at optimal performance before chancing any risks.

"I think that'll be all, EDI."

"Logging you off, Shepard."

A sigh was Janelle's immediate response though she did not understand why, except that perhaps dealing with EDI could often times be a headache. Although this recent interaction hadn't caused much stress… except the notion that the conversation had happened out of some special treatment for a lover. As much as it might seem like preferential treatment, Janelle didn't see how it could be. She doubted that Thane would care to take on implants just to use the Widow given how he refused to allow Chakwas and Mordin to see what they could do for his Kepral's Syndrome. And the only other crew member with a proficiency with sniper rifles was Zaeed and well… wasn't it obvious why she didn't want to make him any better at killing?

Garrus had the implants and she could trust him and she knew he was eager to give the Widow a try.

Still… damn her for falling for a sniper that had a particular love for weaponry.

But if Janelle thought that EDI's silence meant she was entitled to complete silence, she was wrong as she felt satisfied with the cleaning of her rifle and reassembled the pieces.

"Must be a nice perk to get one of the higher ups looking out for your best interests."

The infiltrator almost jumped at the intruding voice and perhaps would have if she hadn't known that Jacob had been in here the whole time. He might have been silent during her whole talk with EDI, but the biotic was nothing if not polite. And that was the same reason why she didn't mind speaking her plans in front of the former Alliance soldier; he had also been polite enough to not give in to the speculation of her relationship with Garrus.

If anything, Jacob was too polite for his own good.

"Well, if you're looking for your own implants to have a shot at the Claymore… I'll go inform Mordin about your desire right now," Janelle couldn't help but tease as she looked over her rifle, contemplating any upgrades for the firearm.

A rather light laugh did escape man as he went about with making sure that weapons were operating optimally; sure she could have left her rifle's care to him, but she really just wanted some time to continue admiring the damn thing. "You know… I think I'll pass. Thanks for the offer, but I'm not that dedicated to packing that much firepower.

"I'll admit that you and Vakarian have a quirk for that kind of thing. Amongst others…"

"Like the willingness for inter-species sex?" She had to say it. It was clearly on his mind and Janelle was never one for remaining vague in conversations.

"Huh… I wasn't going to say _that_…"

"I know, but that's what you meant, isn't it?" the Spectre said as she gave up on her rifle and turned to face the other being in the room, keeping her voice impassive and not relinquishing any hint of annoyance. It wasn't like she could blame Jacob for avoiding a talk about his commanding officer's sex life.

"Perhaps more the notion of a relationship rather than, well… sex."

"Despite the news from a few days ago?" she pressed, her eyebrow raised in a cynical manner and arms crossed.

"That? I heard it about it from Krios," Jacob said, also facing her now though his hands braced against the table behind him as he regarded her without betraying any sort of emotion. "And Kelly as well. If she hadn't said anything I doubt the drell would have either.

"Anyhow I'm not one to go off gossip about what's going on. Too often it's utterly inaccurate."

"That's nice to hear after how everyone seems eager for more news and what not about Garrus and myself," Janelle groaned, raising a hand to massage her temple. "Still you brought up this topic. Now you have me curious about what you think about all of it."

"It's never been my business…"

"People have opinions even on the things that don't concern them. But this… it does concern you. You're part of a high risk mission where we need to work together and trust each other to see our task through. You're opinion on a teammate – especially your commander – will affect how well you can do that.

"So can you blame me in wanting to know?"

"You know… I wish that it had been part of the briefing to get a warning about how well you can – and will – coerce even your subordinates," the man said with a shake of his head then crossed his arms even as a half-smirk spread across his lips. "All right, Shepard, if you're going to be pushy about it…

"Truth of the matter? The idea baffles me. I heard you were pretty close to your alien crew in the mission against Saren. But never really thought that it might mean that there was more than friendship between any of you.

"I can understand why people find asari attractive, looking very similar to us. It would be a lie if I said I didn't find them the least bit so. And quarians I suppose even. Similar body structure except the weird… chicken feet and the fact that it's anyone's guess what's behind those visors.

"But turians? Sorry, Shepard but I'm pretty sure someone has to think you were dropped on your head as a kid or something. Not that I think that…"

"But you think something similar," Janelle said, but not with irritation. Instead she had to give a jovial chuckle. "Either way, no offense taken, Jacob. I wouldn't blame you. In fact… I'd be thinking that someone must be fucked up in the head too especially if that person had an interest in krogan.

"Hell, I love Wrex, him and his anecdotes. But as a bedmate? I don't even want to think about it…"

"Neither do I. And thanks for putting that image in my head."

"Anytime," she had to chuckle with a smirk before her mouth settled in a thin line. "So I take it that the thought of Garrus and myself disturbs you?"

"Not nearly as much as the krogan thought, but yea. Just… is that even possible?"

"As far as I know, it seems so." She had to smile again, this time feeling the her mind delve into the last heated memory she shared with the turian, reminding herself of her own surprise – and delight – in handling his arousal.

Especially in thinking that she – a human – had aroused him…

"So wait… you mean you have… uh, you know…"

She had to quirk an amused brow at his inquiry. "I thought you said this wasn't your business."

"Sorry… just… well… it's your fault you have me wondering."

She had to laugh, getting the fault shifted to her and embarrassing Jacob with this kind of talk. If people knew she was so bad as this, she doubted that anyone would regard her as the 'great Commander Shepard' as they did.

"So I take it you haven't heard what Tali's told a few? I know she's gotten the news and has been asked," she said as her laugh faded, though her torment of his subordinate didn't. Thank God this wasn't a true military operation.

"Would you believe me when I say I'd be too afraid to ask?"

"Then why did you just ask _me_?" Janelle muttered, rolling you eyes before giving a smile. "Well – if you'll believe me – things haven't gone that far between Garrus and myself. So you don't have to think that your commander's been taking a turian to bed… just yet."

"Could you stop putting images in my head? It sure doesn't help if you're trying to relieve me…"

"How can you expect me to grant you any sort of relief when I'm pretty much dragging you with me into hell?"

"Point taken."

They both gave a chuckle and Janelle shook her head as she turned back to her rifle, activating her omni-tool and pulling up the readouts for her weapon's targeting system. But just because her back was turned, it didn't mean she was done talking. "So I have to ask, Jacob… _when_ we get out of this mission…"

"You really think we'll live to tell the tale?"

"That's my goal. I'm not exactly a person fond of dying."

"Guess that means you're grateful for the Lazarus Project… or maybe it's really your own tenacity that made the project work."

"If it is, I'm sure Miranda wouldn't admit to that…"

"No, she wouldn't want to. _At all_," the man chuckled, making Janelle glance over her shoulder, glad his back was to her again as she cocked an inquisitive brow. "Anyhow… what was that question of yours?"

"Well, I was going to ask what you plan on doing."

"Not really sure. You?"

"That's easy," she scoffed, eyes focused on her work in tweaking the systems. "I've got a nagging mom that wants to know when she and my dad can take leave so we can have one crazy family reunion back on Earth."

"I thought you were a spacer."

"Born and raised one, but doesn't mean my parents were. Both of them are Earthborn and their parents are back on Earth. We'd usually to try to get together with my mom's parents every chance we get.

"But I was asking about you. Don't you have family to run into? I mean… aside from your father."

If the comment had been insensitive, Jacob didn't impart such a notion, his voice impartial as he spoke. "Only child and mother passed on. Got no one waiting for me anywhere."

"That's rather sad," Janelle said, feeling her heart drop a little. She had no idea where she'd be if she didn't know that she had family with her always on their minds… even if her mother was being a bit of a pain with all her nagging for constant messages and vid-mails; though who could blame the woman after thinking that her only child had died… and suddenly was alive again after two years? "So no one at all has you on their mind? Not even a special girl?"

"With this kind of job? Not exactly the ideal career if you plan to lay down roots if you've gotta be traveling all over and making them wait for you," he scoffed. "Besides, it makes it easier when you don't have to worry about something like that. I'm surprised your parents can still handle marriage in their career. That is if they serve on different ships…"

"They do, but physical distance has never been the real problem for them. They had… different problems. We're just lucky things worked out," she sighed, trying hard not to think back to the tougher years of her young adult life… before she gave a groan. "Now would you _stop_ changing the subject back to me?"

"Well, you're prying into my life, can't I pry into yours?"

"I'm your commander…"

"And you've been rather informal this whole time. Not at all like a _conventional_ commander would be…"

Another groan left her lips as she turned a glare onto the Cerberus soldier. "And you were complaining about my being able to coerce…"

"Guess I've been around you enough to learn a few tricks."

"Great… at this rate, my entire crew will outdo me."

"If that means being killed and coming back to life, I doubt it, but Shepard… now you have me curious. So what are you thinking about you and Vakarian? You think the two of you are going to last after this mission?"

"We'll have the Reapers to deal with. He's been with me this far. I doubt he'll abandon me now…"

"And after that?"

"I suppose we'll have to see… and I can't help but hold a bit of eternal optimism. With this kind of career, it sure doesn't help to go around with a little black rain cloud over your head.

"You should remember that," she pointed out, collapsing her rifle and replacing it in the locker. "What's the point in putting your life on the line if you've got nothing personal you're fighting for? 'Noble,' ambiguous concepts don't always work for the human mind.

"Fighting for 'the greater good' is all and well, but if I didn't have a family to go home to… I doubt _my_ survival and this fight would matter as much to me. And the thought that there will hopefully be more in store between Garrus and myself… that certainly gives me more of a desire to prove everyone wrong in calling this a suicide mission."

"There's good and bad points to every reason though, Shepard," Jacob said as if too cautious to accept her personal philosophy. "And I know I don't need to tell you that life doesn't follow the 'happily ever after' script. Though… I suppose a little optimistic desire never hurt anyone," he shrugged as Janelle came to lean by the bulkhead next to him.

"Good. I hope you apply that little theory to life and now… I've gotta pry since you've been digging into my thoughts about Garrus and the situation with my family while all this time I've only got vague answers from you," she said, her brows cocked and arms crossed, letting him know that she was going to get an answer. "This whole 'better to not have someone waiting for you' outlook… you get this way by a certain girl's rejection?"

"What makes you think that?" If he was trying to make her question her theory, he failed. All because she had noticed the subtle jerk his shoulders gave.

"I've got the feeling you think this way not just because of issues with your family. You're rather… impassive about that, but the way you talk about having a girl… you sound a little more defensive. And lately… I've been getting the impression that there's a bit of a strain between you and Miranda."

"If you're worried about our ability in the mission…" he began, ignoring his work and turning to face her.

"No, that's not it," the infiltrator interrupted, shaking her head. "I can see that neither of you are going to cause some sort of problem when we're in a high-risk situation. But… it's the fact that when you regard each other, it's with a rather… forced impersonal approach. And if you've been working with each other for years… just doesn't seem right that it almost appears like you're avoiding something with each other…"

"You make it a habit to nitpick the lives of your crew?" Jacob took his chance to cut in as well, his brow arched, but there was a subtleness about his air that came off more amusing than incensed.

"Only when they are just begging for me to," she returned with a smirk before letting it drop. "Look, if you don't want to say anything, I'll drop it. Just…"

"You don't understand why it'd be like this when here you and Vakarian are just throwing caution to the wind with your own relationship?"

"Uh… a little I suppose. I mean, first off, it's not like while you were with Cerberus you would have been under any fraternization regs…"

"No, but it's still not something they like to see happen. Won't tell you otherwise, but you can sense it. Like I'm sure you could figure that Miranda's not at all found of the… chemistry going on between you and the turian…"

"Yea… I noticed," Janelle rolled her eyes and grumbled, recalling her irritation when she told EDI to comm Garrus to come to her room after she had cleaned up and changed after the run on Tuchanka… and found out that the turian had been called into Miranda's office as soon as the commander had arrived on the ship. Knowing that the Cerberus officer – and someone who she only begrudgingly accepted as her second-in-command – had called the gunnery officer into her office to keep him and the commander from seeing each other immediately, it just had set off Janelle's temper, sick of people dodging around issues rather than confronting them head on.

And it was starting to rouse her temper again. So she returned the subject to something other than Miranda's thoughts on the commander and gunnery chief. "So… was there something between you two?"

"It was going somewhere… then it went nowhere," the biotic said with simple nonchalance, like this thought had completely no concern to him. Janelle had to admit… she admired how maturely this man seemed to handle situations. "But don't worry, Shepard. It's not an issue and it won't come in the way of the mission…"

"I already said that wasn't the concern," she shook her head then asked softly. "Do you wish it went somewhere?"

"I don't look for something I feel is unattainable, Shepard. And I don't like getting in the way of things when things are better off without me. Things are complicated enough. I'm not looking to add to that." He paused and gave a bit of a smirk. "You've added enough for the whole crew, I'd say."

"Jeez… thanks," the commander rolled her eyes before giving a sigh and shoving herself away from the wall. "As long as you're fine about how things are, but Jacob… I wouldn't discredit yourself too soon.

"I'm pretty sure you deserve just as much as you think Miranda does…"

"I… you…" the other former marine began in speechlessness, his eyes blinking, before he shook his head and gave a strained chuckle. "Well, Shepard… you really aren't like any commander I've known…"

"Good to know that at least I'll leave an impression when all is said and done," Janelle said with a soft scoff before turning and waving a hand. "I suppose I'll see you later then, Jacob. And hopefully you'll be a bit more optimistic then."

She heard no more than a rather startled 'Later' as she left , giving a soft laugh to herself as she walked down the corridor between the armory and the science lab. She wasn't surprised to see Mordin already back to analyzing data after the skirmish on Tuchanka. And she was a little glad to be honest, given what the data probably entailed.

As much as it might be dangerous to cure the genophage, Janelle did not think that fear was enough to justify the affliction's existence. She did want to see that Wrex and his people didn't have to suffer this way anymore.

"Shepard. Glad to see you. Wanted to talk."

Broken from her attempts at looking over what further could be improved with their weaponry, armor, and the like, Janelle quickly spun her head around to face Mordin, quirking an eyebrow as she noticed him walk away from his lab table. She had long noticed that he rarely was more than arm's length from his data even when conversing with her. Only when he had a personal concern did he move away from his work. Like with Maelon.

She didn't think that Mordin would really be _that _concerned over modifying Garrus's implants.

"Oh? Did you want to talk about what I told EDI to forward to you?" she still asked, uncertain why else he now stood before her. And she _didn't _like that smile. "Is there an issue?"

"No. Didn't see problems. No need to talk. Only reminded of a medical matter."

That only made the human's brow furrow. "If it's a medical matter and it's not about the implants…"

"Reminded of danger involved in mission," the salarian went on Janelle gave the slightest trail to her words. But while the commander had grown accustomed to his fast-paced speech, she now noticed that there were subtle pauses in his words, lengthen intakes of breath. "And different species react differently to stress." All Janelle could do was blink with confusion… before she felt her eyes go wide with Mordin's next words, returning to their usual rapid pace. "Sexual activity normal stress release for humans and turians. Still recommend caution. Warn of chafing."

"Chafing?" she heard herself blurt out. Not because such a thought hadn't crossed her mind before, but the simple fact that Mordin had just come out about it like that. Of course, especially after the talk with Jacob, what else was she to expect given that little 'tussle' not too long ago? And Mordin did seem more likely to mention any medical concerns about where this was going compared to Chakwas. Plus she did need to speak on these matters, certainly. But still…

Did it have to be _now_?

"Yes. Assumed you were unaware and rumors were… ahem, not fully accurate," the scientist said, raising a curled hand to his mouth and giving a faked cough. But whatever 'unease' the salarian might be finding did not stall his constant talk. "Didn't hear you request analgesic. Almost certainly would be an immediate request…"

"Okay! Mordin! You can stop!" Again, she couldn't help but let her startled self blurt out, this time raising her hands in an urging halting gesture. She then took a few deep, slow breaths, calming herself before speaking again, albeit not with such a frightened manner. "Mordin, you made your point. You don't have to go on.

"But if you're trying to scare me into backing down… that's not going to happen," she said, but bit the inside of her cheek. She wasn't scared of some chafing – and she didn't want to have to think it was a great cause of concern – but she was worried about Garrus. He already expressed his reluctance in sex for the fact that he was worried about hurting her. She didn't want to think that he might be right, because she was too terrified to lose this chance with the turian.

"I care too much about Garrus to do that to him," she added, softer, knowing that if Mordin was right, there was no way they were walking out of this 'unscathed' – emotionally or physically, it seemed. But if that was the way it was going to be, she didn't want to have to turn her back on Garrus. She'd rather stick by him and do what she could to ease the guilt he might have, assure him that there was no reason to be so.

She wasn't letting either of them lose each other this time.

"Of course. Hormones. Regardless, come see me later. May need analgesic…"

"Yea… later," she muttered quickly, quickly turning to leave then thought otherwise. She bit her lower lip, thinking about Garrus's concerns and realizing she was being stupid and immature. Giving a sigh, she turned back to face the salarian. "Um, Mordin… I did figure there might be some complications, so… anything you have to say?"

And he only seemed glad to comply. "Turians based on dextro-amino acids. Human ingestion of tissue could provoke allergic reaction. Anaphylactic shock possible. So don't…" – again he gave that uneasy, fake cough – "ingest."

"Well… I guess there goes that idea," Janelle said rather quickly with a hint of disappointment, watching as Mordin regarded her with amusement. She just gave a shrug. "What? I wasn't going to rule it out just because he's turian."

The amused grin simply remained on the doctors mouth even as he turned his attention to his omni-tool as he keyed in commands. For what, Janelle was honestly bowled over. "Also forwarding advice booklet to your quarters. Valuable diagrams, positions comfortable for both species, erogenous zones, overviews."

"Wow… you were prepared for the circumstance pretty quick," she had to admit, giving a staggered blink.

"Not all. Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort. Gave EDI electronic relationship aid demonstration vids to use as necessary."

"My god, Mordin… what the hell?" Janelle had to give a groan, her hand reaching towards her forehead. "All right… I get it. You've got plenty of aid. Okay. But for now, I'm gonna go… before Kelly ends up asking me why I'm blushing so much.

"Though I really can't believe how you have this much stuff stockpiled especially so quickly…"

"Hardly quickly, Shepard," the salarian shook his head, making Janelle's eyes grow wide. "Noticed sexual tensions were high between you and Vakarian since his arrival. Felt certain that sexual activity would occur since first stop at Ilium. Had time since then."

"Mordin… I swear…" But whatever threat was dangling on the edge of her tongue, it went unsaid as she instead just shook her head. "I suppose I should say thanks, but excuse me if I don't for the sake of embarrassment."

Though she was about to turn and walk away at that moment, Janelle paused as the salarian gave a soft chuckle.

"Enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard. Will be here studying cell reproduction. Much simpler. Less alcohol and mood music required."

"I really pity you salarians," was all she murmured, mostly to herself, before turning and heading out. As much as she understood what Mordin was getting at, she wasn't about to forgo a relationship because it might be problematic.

Of course… as she reached her cabin the problems regarding this relationship were blazing in her mind the moment she looked to her terminal.

"Oh hell…" she said as she sat down at the desk and had to see if Mordin was true on his word. "For fuck's sake…" He was. She gave a groan, unbelieving that this was real. That on her terminal screen were pictures and diagrams of turians of a nature she never before thought she would look upon.

Well, that is until she realized that a certain turian was driving her mad.

"Oh, who the hell am I trying to kid?" she muttered to herself as a smirk spread across her lips, scanning through the images. She'd done the same sort of thing before, back with her first boyfriends. And she had to agree with Garrus; if possible, she'd like to make things proceed as smoothly as possible. Like hell was she going to let herself be the one to mess things up.

Or refuse herself from taking a bit of aid for those fantasies she'd been having lately of the turian down in the main battery…

* * *

In regards to the multiple encounters he was having today, Garrus had to say the day was going horribly.

As much as it was good to be on another suicidal mission with some friendly faces, it would have been nice if Tali didn't necessarily get agitated so easily, compared to two years ago; at least she seemed to cut him some slack with how things were proceeding with him and the commander… compared to others.

Particularly Miranda.

If it hadn't been for Janelle storming in there and reminding the Cerberus officer exactly why she was capable with this mission, he'd be annoyed by that meeting much more than he was. But too bad the infiltrator _had_ to set things up so that he had one meeting that annoyed, shocked, and embarrassed him: the run-in with Mordin. He thought he was going for some talk on his cybernetics… instead he walked right into a sex talk with the salarian. As much as he knew his relationship with Janelle was going to attract this sort of attention, the former C-Sec agent wasn't exactly expecting to be offered 'relationship aid vids' and the like. Figures that Mordin would be that sort of person.

But at least he was out of the tech labs and – after noticing a knowing look from Kelly – on his way to Janelle's quarters, hoping to have some decent downtime with the woman for once.

Although that was stalled as Garrus came to locked doors.

"You'll have to wait, Officer Vakarian," EDI's disemboweled, electronic voice greeted him as he realized he couldn't enter just yet. "Commander Shepard is not exactly prepared for company at the moment."

That sounded rather… intriguing. Although it was probably just some wishful thinking on his part.

"All right. But she did instruct me to come up here once I could…"

"I am aware of the instructions. And I have informed her…"

"Oh just shut up, EDI," Janelle interrupted as the door came open, revealing the woman's disgruntled expression. "Who ever thought that having thinking computers would be a good idea?" she muttered as she looked over at the turian and nudged her head inside. "Well… you just gonna stand there? Door's open."

"Glad for it," Garrus said with a nod as he stepped in, giving a flutter of his mandibles as relief washed over him with the closing of the door. After having spent most of the last few days in others' company and most of today with encounters that were far from ideal, it was nice to now have some time with Janelle… even if she looked like she was dealing with the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders.

Technically, she was…

"You look like you could use a drink," he said, watching as she massaged her temples after having crashed back into her chair. He wished he could help ease the headache, but he doubted that his talons could do a decent job with that.

"Please… don't tempt me," she muttered with closed eyes. "If I start drinking, I probably won't stop until I have you on my bed now rather than later." She gave a sigh and let her hands fall away from her face before gazing up at him as he leaned against her desk. "Sorry. Just I had a run-in I wasn't expecting and…"

"With Mordin?"

"Huh? Uh… yea," she said with a nod looking baffled before giving another groan and slumping further in her chair. "Don't tell me… he had that talk with you as well."

"In regards to our plans to 'blow some steam,'" he said, finding it hard _not_ to find some amusement in the situation now as he reached down a pulled Janelle up from her seat. She gave a slight gasp before he pulled her against him and then her delicious lips turned up into a smirk. One he couldn't help but _want_ to wipe away. "So is that why the door was locked? Looking up some porn?"

"I… what?" The infiltrator gave a jerk before slapping her hand against the turian's chest as he gave a chuckle, the human not at all looking thrilled. "Watch with your teasing, Turian. I'm still your commanding officer…" she warned, jabbing a finger against his chest.

But he couldn't help but rise to the bait. "You're getting defensive, Janelle. And given what you were saying earlier... it's either that or whatever Mordin sent. That just makes me curious," Garrus said with a chuckle, leaning over to look at her terminal screen.

"Garrus! Stop!" He barely had a chance to reach over to bring up any programs she still had running before the turian found himself swung around and swiftly shoved down into the chair Janelle had occupied earlier.

And again she was smirking.

"You know… you've being rather insubordinate with your commander lately…"

"Already told you. I'm not a 'good' turian," he had to reply as his mandibles quivered rather eagerly and his hands went around her waist as she moved to sit atop his lap. "Definitely not a good turian…"

"What am I ever going to do with you?" she murmured back, her arms slipping around his neck as she leaned forward, touching her lips to his. It was hard not to give what humans called a 'purr,' feeling that moist, warm mouth of hers against his. "You know… I think you're in need of some punishment if you're going to keep up this attitude of yours."

"Oh? So you're going to admit that you have cruel tastes now?" he spoke into her mouth, unable to hide the chuckle he gave as her body gave a shudder and jerked away. Even if she was glaring at him.

"Don't start that up again. How am I supposed to run a smooth operation when my gunnery chief insists on being defiant? If you're going to continue to be that way… I am going to have to punish you, you know…"

"Don't," Garrus said in a low rumble as he pulled her back towards him, bring her mouth back against his. He still felt like a clumsy fool, carefully trying to match her mouth's movements. But he was met with no rebuke to his inept kiss, not as she gave a moan and her body grew restless… making him give a groan. "You're torturous enough as it is…"

"Oh?" was all that she said, slipping her lips from his and instead giving feather-light kisses on his scarred mandible, making him twitch and jerk rather edgily.

"You're making it harder to deal with this wait…"

"I wish you'd stop reminding me about the wait as well," she said with a sigh, pulling away and giving a bit of a pout. "You think I've had it easy on the last two missions without you? Even though I think it might have been worse. But I still would have liked to be able to pull you aside during those missions when I got some wild craving for you and do something to allay it, even if just for a bit."

"So is that what this is about?"

"Very much so."

"Working?"

"No," she said with a scoff. "Dammit, Garrus. I hate that you're making me wait like this…"

"Sorry, Janelle," he whispered, once more pulling her back down to him. "I still need some time to feel ready."

"And drive me more crazy, huh? That's all this really is about, isn't it?" she growled as she kissed him once more, this time much more impatient and aggressively. "Have Commander Shepard begging for you…"

"Sounds very intriguing, I have to admit," he said, grabbing her ass and enjoying the gasp she gave as she broke away from his mouth. "Would be something to brag about instead of saying I served under Commander Shepard…

"Say she served me for once…"

"You cocky bastard," Janelle snapped before she returned to her fervent kissing. "If you're driving me insane for that… damn you if you think I'm letting you not have your own sense of torture…"

"I already do…"

But the torture of Janelle's alluring body wasn't all he was going to deal with. Not as the abrupt sound of doors opening broke them from their kiss to spin around and gaze speechlessly and wide-eyed at the intruder.

But their interrupted kiss was soon forgotten as they noted the stance of the unexpected visitor.

Tali usually conveyed an air of stubborn determination, even more so these days. It was easily forgotten now that the quarian ever had to wonder how other species would treat her; she never seemed to let uncertainty show.

Although as she stood just beyond them, wringing her hands and shifting uneasily, it was impossible to realize that something was utterly wrong with the genius engineer.

"Tali? What is it? What's wrong?" Janelle asked, immediately, but still reluctantly prying away from Garrus to approach their friend. "You look… scared…"

"Honestly, Shepard… I am," the quarian nodded. "I've been called back to the Fleet. I've been accused of treason."

* * *

**Endnote:** Hope the ending isn't too abrupt or what not. It's 5AM and i should totally be asleep... but I wanted to get this posted. Horrible, I know, but that's the way I am.

So I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. I had to throw in some sort of fight between Garrus and Janelle over the Widow because with Garrus shouting 'I love this rifle!' mid-battle, I imagined he'd want a chance with the Widow, which even I'd kill for. XP I seriously do love playing as Infiltrator for that slowdown when zoomed in and the ability to have that beautiful rifle. XP

Hope the moments with Miranda, Jacob, and Mordin were nice as well. I enjoyed having Miranda yelling and getting yelled at. And working with Mordin was just... weird. Not used to working with his kind of character much, I guess. And Jacob... I don't know what to say about Jacob. Maybe something later... I is sleepy.

Well... R&R... hope that you like and are waiting for the next chapter, which thankfully will be pretty short so hopefully I can get it done in a few weeks.


	10. Bonds

**Misc:** Oh GOD! I have to ask everyone for their forgiveness and extend amazing praise to each and everyone of you that love this story and have come back to it. I'm so SORRY for how long it's taken to get this chapter out to you. I've had most of it sitting around for... months? A year? I'm not sure. I'm not sure if I'm pleased with the ending, but I figured I'd try to at least end the chapter and get to you guys the only chapter I know I can get to you.

The problem is school and my own dreams. I'm finally starting my senior year in college (taking breaks, running from one country to another, and the like has made this a welcomed coming) and I've got a good idea what I'll be doing for my senior project (I'm an art student if I haven't mentioned it in here or on my profile...). And then to add to that, I'm hard at work to finish a story I've spent the last 6 years of my life working on. But more on that later... and you BETTER read the endnote...

For now... go read the next chapter you've been waiting for. I hope it's not too much of a disappointment...

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

When their business was done with the Migrant Fleet, even life on the Normandy seemed to drop to a standstill.

Everyone knew why there had been such a hasty rush to the Fleet and everyone knew that Tali wasn't exiled from her people, but the news also got around that Tali's father was dead. No one spoke a word of it, no one attempted to console the quarian. But it was the look in everyone's eyes, especially as their gazes rested on Tali, that conveyed their silent condolences.

And it didn't take much for Janelle to see that – despite having known all along that this was a suicide mission – now everyone was starting to revaluate their lives. Mostly because… it was the same for her.

Writing this report of the mission was amongst the hardest report she had ever done… right after the oral dictation she had given on Akuze. Even with the perfect knowledge that they could be heading to their doom with this mission, there was still the determination to not fail that had kept the infiltrator from considering the 'what if' scenario in the event of her – second – death. And with all the thoughts running through her head… it just made it impossible to concentrate on a bunch of written words.

She had to say she was glad when she turned the datapad over to Miranda.

"Can't say it's the best of reports, but it's not going to turn out any better any time soon," she said with a voice that conveyed the heavy, dejected feeling that wafted throughout the ship. "And don't get on Tali's case about this report. I told her to finish it on her own time… if she even can."

"Understood, Commander." Miranda gave her own sullen nod, taking the datapad and placing it on her desk before adding, "And Shepard… I wasn't going to harass her over this sort of thing. Not given the circumstances…"

"Thanks," was all Janelle could say with relief.

"You're welcome, Shepard, but to be honest, it wouldn't be right to harass her. Not when I'm at least lucky enough that Oriana is still alive and I can actually talk to her now.

"I wanted to thank you for that. You helped me make sure my sister would be fine and also pushed me to say something to her. If it wasn't for you, none of that would have happened."

"I've gone through enough suicide missions to know you don't let life pass you by, Miranda," Janelle said, taking the initiative to sit down in the chair before the desk. "I don't care to live a life of regrets and 'what if's.' And you shouldn't either."

A heavy silence settled over the room, heavier than it already had been. Miranda's eyes broke away from the blonde's, turning away with an almost lost look on her face. The silence continued to linger and Janelle was just about to contemplate leaving the room when the stillness was once again broken.

"So you don't think that whatever goes on between you and Vakarian will be something you regret?" Miranda asked with disbelief, giving a scoff and shaking her head. "The fact is, he's your subordinate and we are dealing with a critical mission."

"Which is all the more reason I'm not about to sit back and not tell Garrus _anything_ about how I feel. We could die tomorrow, Miranda," Janelle said, her voice stern as he fingers began to drum on her knee. "And we both know I've come too close to death far too many times. I'm not about to risk losing this chance with him.

"And I've worked with Garrus before and, for the most part, he operates just as I expect him to. He knows warfare, knows how to get things done. Sometimes he might let his feelings take precedence… but he'll do what needs to be done. And I think he's taken his squad's deaths too deeply to allow another life to be lost on his part…"

"But I can imagine that he would for your sake…"

To that, Janelle just raised an eyebrow. "And you think it's just because things aren't platonic between the two of us anymore? Tell me, Miranda, anyone that believes that the Reapers are a threat and that someone has to do something about them… tell me who of those people would willingly let my life slide by?

"I don't really think I'm as special as everyone says I am, but I'll admit that symbols are effective devices. Especially ones that keep morale up during a battle."

Defected, Miranda sighed as she leaned back. "You don't care to let others have the last word, do you Shepard?"

"Hardly any fun if I do," the blonde had to smirk.

Another scoff and shake of the head was given by the Cerberus officer, but now, there was a bit of a smile on her face. But just as the smile appeared, it fell away as Miranda's stormy blue gaze turned back to Janelle's. "As much as I'd be stupid to say I didn't see this coming, what with how the two of you reminisce of 'the old times,' your battlefield flirting… I still really can't believe that you think this is a wise move? Particularly given that he's a turian.

"As you said, you're a symbol to humanity. How do you think it will look that you have a… a relationship with a turian?"

"Like humanity's not the ass that too many others either paint us as or believes," the infiltrator said simply. "Maybe both humans and turians won't like it given the strain between our species. But maybe if humanity's hero that gained fame by defeating a turian wants to be with a turian… maybe we'll all realize that neither species is as unreasonable or as bad as most think."

"You really think that you're not going to get any backlash from this?"

"I might, but I already seen what his loss of me had done to him. He means too much to me to make him go through that existence again. Especially if it's going to be at the expense of my reputation." Janelle took a moment to breathe as she stood from the chair, but made no movement to actually leave. "Besides… I doubt he would mind returning to the vigilante lifestyle if that's what it comes to get out of the limelight."

"You'll never leave the attention of people, Shepard… but I can imagine that that life would suit the _both_ of you. And… I'm sorry," Miranda confessed morosely as her gaze dropped. "About the other day. I should know better than to question your moves, but like I said, this is a critical mission and I just don't want to watch it fail. I have difficulty believing that a relationship with a teammate is really something ignorable on a mission like this."

"Be glad you weren't on my last mission then," Janelle herself gave a scoff, crossing her arms as her thoughts wandered by to the small amount of time she had spent with Kaidan. But she shook his memory from her head and turned back to Miranda, still having a few more words to say. "But you really shouldn't let your job be an excuse, Miranda. If there's someone you care about and you're more concerned about your job than him… that's a lonely life to lead.

"And it's lonelier even more so for the one you left…"

The black-haired woman's eyes turned back to Janelle, but the infiltrator wasn't going to say more on the issue. Instead, she was ready to head back to her room. "I need to make a call, Miranda, so I'll talk to you later."

She was swift to turn around and leave after that, quickly making her way to the elevator. She did have a call to make and now that her mission report was out of her hands, she wasn't going to stall any longer in making the call. Not that she wanted to stall. She wanted to make this call.

She was almost elated to return to her room and sit down at her terminal. If one could call it elation. It hardly was though as she set up a real-time connection. She was nervous on whether or not the call went through. It was a little ridiculous given that she was Commander Shepard and she wanted to establish a connection with someone on the cruiser SSV Rotterdam. But she was also being held in suspicion for working with Cerberus and this was a _personal_ call she was making.

But it was a call she needed to make.

And she was glad to see her call go through, to see a familiar face on the screen.

* * *

"Hey, Dad. Long time no see…"

In the hours after the return from the Migrant Fleet, Garrus could only feel worry as he spent his time in the armory, tending to his rifles. He didn't really care to be here, bothering with something that seemed pointless at the moment given that there were others here that could examine the weapons. And he wasn't even worried about his rifles. The turian was more worried about the commander, ever since the dazed look in her eyes when Rael'Zorah's fate was discovered and as he listened to her enraged voice as she admonished those on the Admiralty Board. Janelle was a very emotional person, thinking more often with her heart than her head and when something hit her hard… it hit her hard.

He didn't like spending his time away from her at this time.

But she had been adamant with the vigilante that he let her be alone, or she probably wouldn't have her report done. He wondered if she did yet; when Garrus had submitted his, the infiltrator had not handed hers in to Miranda. He imagined it would take longer, but when he tried to comm her some time later, she never answered. That worried him. Although given how EDI would inform him not to disturb Janelle, he figured that meant she was just busy and not in any sort of situation he should worry about.

Logically that's what he should think. But… he also had the tendency to let his feelings get the better of him.

"I've got to say, Vakarian, I'm surprised to see you still here."

The turian looked up from his work to see Jacob stroll back into the armory, returning to his usual work on the weapons. Only this time, the human was taking up his position in a rather unusual spot – right across from Garrus. No one – aside from Miranda and Jack – had really bothered to give him any trouble, but they also didn't bother to make much small talk with him. And Garrus had never exactly been the most outgoing, more focused on his work than anything else; he was only fairly social with Tali and, of course, Janelle because of their prior work together.

But it wasn't like he would dismiss an amiable approach.

"The cannons don't need any calibrations for awhile now," the former C-Sec agent said with a shrug, returning focus to his work. "I figured I might as well spend my time on some other weapon maintenance."

"No, I meant, given what happened today… I'm surprised you're not with Tali'Zorah or Shepard."

Garrus remained silent for a moment as he turned a cautious gaze onto Jacob before his gaze fell away again. "Tali wouldn't bother to want to speak with me over this sort of thing. She'd prefer to speak with Janelle over these matters. And right now, she just wants some time away from everyone. Can't blame her.

"As for Janelle… I'm sure you've noticed by now that she has a tendency to take burdens on herself. She doesn't care to put her problems on anyone else. If there's something she feels she needs to square off with herself, that's exactly how she plans to handle it."

"Even with how things are going between you two?"

The turian felt his shoulders jerk, but there was no shock in his words. "Relationships for her are about helping others, not getting help. Isn't it obvious with how she'll risk her life for a galaxy without a second thought?"

"I get what you're saying, but even if what you're saying is she's more in this relationship for your sake than hers, I can tell that she's also in this for herself," Jacob countered as he scanned the heavy weapons. "The first time I saw her delighted was when we ran into you on Omega. And since, her mood is lightest around you. You make her as happy as she wants to make you, that's plainly evident. So that's why I'm confused…

"If she's depressed after what went on with Tali… I'd think she'd want you around."

"Maybe. Probably later. She did have the mission report to write…"

"Miranda says she's already handed that in some time ago."

Now Garrus had confusion added to his worry. Not because he expected that she'd call him up to her cabin because she needed his company, but because he had commed her. She didn't care to let others end up worrying about her… so why wouldn't she have at least let him know she was fine?

Maybe she wasn't…

He didn't bother to say anything to Jacob. Simply took his weapons, stored them away, and hastily headed out of the armory. His pace was brisk as he made his way to the elevator. He noticed Kelly give him a weird look as most others still seemed to move rather sluggishly… and then her brows quirked up and he caught a glance of a smirk. He was really starting to see why Janelle could be so annoyed by Kelly, barring from the marine's frustration from dealing with psychologists in her past.

It really didn't make him feel elated, figuring that Kelly was making inferences of what he might be up to.

He gave a sigh of relief when he signaled Janelle's door open and was met with no hindrance. Although, he felt a bit like a fool as he walked in and noticed the commander's puffy, red, and tearing eyes staring at him, somehow able to convey her surprise in his intrusion. It was then that he noticed the terminal screen and realized that she was making a call to someone. Who, he wasn't sure. But he looked military.

"I'll just come back later," he said, feeling rather awkward in just barging in as he did.

"No, you can stay. Just let me finish this call," Janelle countered, waving a hand towards the refrigeration unit by her feet. He gave a polite nod and proceeded to grab one of his drinks, attempting to do so quickly and head over to the couches, not wanting to feel like he was continuously interfering with Janelle's call. But he wasn't quick enough to put some space between him and the other sniper before the conversation between the humans continued.

"Is it appropriate for a captain to have a turian in her quarters?"

While Garrus felt his body go rigid at the wary question, Janelle's reaction with surprising lighthearted. A simple laugh. Not one that was as overly delighted as hers usually were, this one more or less subdued. But the amusement was hardly dimmed and that itself was rather relieving.

"Dad, are you ever going to remember that I'm in my _thirties_ now? I'm not that teenager you that you need to always keep an eye on."

"No, not a teenager… but you're still the same kid that gets herself into a situation that's going to give me a heart attack. Hell, Janie… I'm surprised I _haven't_ had one yet! Especially with whatever classified mission you're on and the rumors that you're working with Cerberus?" A long sigh followed, prompting Garrus to look over at the commander as he stood idly by the coffee table. A sad, regretful look crossed the woman's face and remained, even as the man – apparently her father – continued to speak. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I'm not trying to be mistrusting of you, but… you do end up worrying your mother and I both. I'm proud of you, Janie… I just don't like how I end up being just as worried."

"I know, Dad. I wish things didn't have to be so hard on you and Mom. But… can you expect me to be anyone other than who I am? I don't want to make things worse for you and everyone, but… I can't just sit this job out. You know me."

"Yea… I know you. As idealistic as your mother… and as pigheaded as myself." A soft chuckle sounded and oddly enough… it seemed to resonant much like Janelle's would. "Still… you didn't answer my question. About the turian."

"Dad…" Janelle groaned, leaning back in her chair and Garrus could make out the movement of her eyes rolling. "There's nothing wrong with me discussing with my tactician. Even in my quarters. Besides…

"They're not all evil, you know…"

"I wasn't saying… oh all right, Kid. Well, I think it's high time you get back to work then. Myself as well. But make a call soon. And I know you're stalling, but don't keep that up too long with your mother. I shouldn't be the only one dealing with her anxious calls. Or when we actually have some leave together…"

"All right, Dad. All right. Good talking to you."

"Likewise, Janie. But better if these were in person. So get done whatever you need to do so that we can have that get-together your mother's impatient for."

"Yeah. That would be nice, to see everyone. Well… later, Dad."

There was a slight pause before the beep that signaled the closed connection, but Janelle didn't move from her seat too quickly. She continued to stare at the idle screen for sometime before giving a sigh and standing.

"Sounds like the two of you are close," the vigilante said, not sure how else to break the sullen silence that lingered in the room. Even then, he wasn't sure if he was taking the right approach.

But at least Janelle didn't seem to mind.

"Yeah, he's the one that taught me to use all my resources to accomplish a task," she said, sitting down and waving to Garrus to take a seat. "He taught me most of my tech skills and how to use them in a fight. He did some fighting of his own, but prefers spending his time as an engineer on ships. He's always had an easier time dealing with mechanical problems than social ones."

"Hardly sounds like you," Garrus had to chuckle, sitting down next to the human. "You curse up a storm when you're helping out with the engineers, though I know you do enjoy helping out nonetheless. And you never seem to have a problem with dealing with people. Always finds the perfect solution it seems."

"They're hardly perfect and it's not like I don't feel a lot or pressure when trying to figure things out. And you know I've failed sometimes too," she said before giving a sigh and leaning into the turian, resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his waist. Garrus had barely gotten his arm around her shoulders before the faint sound of sobbing escaped her. "Sorry… it's still tough thinking about things after what happened to Tali's father. I wish we got there sooner, Garrus. I feel horrible that we were too late. Especially after seeing Tali. It's not right. She loved her father and he loved her, but… she couldn't really realize it until the end. It's not right.

"And I just feel horrible that I'm spared that kind of pain…"

"You shouldn't, Janelle," the turian whispered, both arms holding onto her tightly. "We all have our share of pain and you're no exception. Akuze, Virmire, and… Horizon even. And you worry so much of the outcome of this mission.

"And I hate to imagine how painful it is for you to think about what your death did to your parents…"

Janelle nodded against his chest. "Yeah… I know." A weak chuckle was forced from her throat before she continued. "First thing Mom did was scream at me when I finally made a call to her. Going on about how I put her through Azuke and now this, demanding that I never do anything so asinine again. She just about lost it when I told her that I was on another suicide mission."

"Can't imagine that was the best time to tell her."

"Not exactly, but it's better to tell her than to stall. She'll just be worse then." The commander gave a sigh as she shifted in the turian's arms, relaxing and finding a more comfortable position, her one hand moving to rest on his. "She's always been like that. She's easy going and supportive enough… except when she feels like she's been kept out of the loop. And the longer she has before she hears, the worse it gets.

"And since Azuke, she has gotten more and more protective of me. More than before I enlisted."

"I can't imagine that she'd be any more… easy going now."

"No, she isn't. I'll be leaving one hell and running into another once this mission is over." Janelle gave a sigh before moving out of his arms and gazing into the turians' eyes with curiosity. "So… what about you? You'll be visiting your family once we've dealt with the Collectors, won't you?"

"Perhaps," Garrus said, trying his best to hide his reluctance in the notion. He hadn't mentioned the current situation of his family to her. He was glad she knew when to - and when not to - pry. He hadn't wished to talk to her about this before. But that wasn't now. "I know both Sol and Mom want me to come by sometime and I should..."

"But you're not so sure that's a good idea," she finished, returning to relaxing against him. "Are things that bad between you and your dad? After our first mission? I bet leaving C-Sec again didn't go over well with him either. Or your vigilante gig on Omega."

"No, none of those things met his approval. Not that I blame him. Him, being an ideal turian citizen and myself… I was disappointment to say the least." He paused as Janelle's embrace tightened around his torso. He glanced down at her sympathetic face, before giving a sigh and looking away. "But I don't have to worry about facing him, if you think that's why I'm reluctant to visit my family. Facing him… isn't something I need to worry about. Necessarily.

"He died barely a year after I left for Omega."

"What?" the human said with a breathless gasp, jerking away slightly. "He…oh, Garrus… I'm so sorry…"

"Don't be. You didn't know," he interrupted before giving a forced laugh. "At least this way it's not _your_ fault he's dead…"

"My fault? How would it…"

"The ideal turian having a son that not only is continues traversing the galaxy with a _human_ Spectre but also resigned from C-Sec, had a stint on Omega as a vigilante, and _now_… is having an interspecies affair with said Spectre. Come on, Janelle… that last part would have _definitely_ killed him."

"Sure… just blame me," she groaned, crossing her arms and glaring up at him with a pout… before her face softened with concern. "But I am sorry, especially if you never really had the chance to patch things up with your father. That… that has to hurt…"

"I've come to terms with the way things were between us," he murmured softly, but avoided her gaze. "I was never going to measure up to his standards and we both knew it. He knew I was too different and… he did accept that while I differed in the method, I had the same morals as he did. Didn't truly make it easier between the two of us and he wasn't happy with where my life went when I came to Omega… but we came to term.

"I just don't really care to face my family because… well, things aren't exactly the easiest. Not after Dad's death and… how the biggest problem was how he worried about me up to the end. And then… my mom's sick and my sister's not having an easy time taking care of her and after I left C-Sec… she hasn't been happy about things…"

"Oh, Garrus… I'm sorry…"

"Look Janelle, don't be," he tried to assure her, not exactly enjoying the outpouring of all his troubles on the Spectre. Not while he knew she would mostly likely get it in her head to want to fix things up _now_. Especially regarding their mission. "Things are a little rough, but… they'll smooth over eventually. Mom's still dealing with Dad's death and now Sol's left to take care of her. As much as I'd like to help out… I couldn't handle it. Sol's there for her.

"I'd rather be doing exactly what I'm doing right now…"

"Lounging in a certain Spectre's quarters…"

He had to laugh at her tease, especially at the smile she held. "Oh, that's an added bonus, definitely. But seriously…" he said as his laughter died away and solemnity returned to his voice, "I want to be here, with you, as you do what you can for the galaxy. Mom has someone… you need all the help you can get… and so does the rest of the galaxy.

"Don't worry… I'm fine with things as they are."

"You sure?" Janelle asked, relaxing her head on his shoulder, her one hand taking hold of his and her other gripping onto his back. "You're sure you're fine with things?"

"Are _you_ sure about avoiding your mother yourself?"

"Hey! I'm doing this for the good of the mission!" he remarked rather indignantly. "She'd _never_ let me continue if I showed up for a visit…"

"And you can bet it would be the same for me."

She pondered his words for a moment before giving a conceding nod. "Okay… you win. But… we're _both_ paying visits to our families when this is all said and done, agreed?"

"Oh good… then this means I _do_ need to go out with style…"

That made her slap a hand against his chest. "Garrus!"

Again he chuckled before holding his hands up in his own defeat. "All right… we're pay visits to our family as soon as we get things handled with the Collectors…"

"Good. I'm wondering which of our folks will handle the relationship better, mine or yours…"

"What?"

* * *

**Endnote: **So here's the chapter for you, after your long wait and I apologize. And I have to apologize again because I can not guarantee that I will finish the story. :(

The fact is, I want to be a writer of my own stuff. And for more that 6 years I've been working on one. Hopefully I will finish it soon. It's more in the sword and sorcery genre however. Still if you like my writing style at all, check it out. I have a facebook page for it, with the prologue, a couple short stories, and some pictures I've drawn and digitally painted. So look up...

Alyssa Dalen

On facebook if you want to still have my writing to read, because that's the only thing I can promise I will be sticking to. That's the world that exists in my head after all, the one that I really want to get out...

So this is goodbye for now as an ME fanfic writer. Hopefully I can come back, but I can't guarantee that. I hope it's not goodbye for good though and that I'll see you over in the world that exists in my own head...


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